


History Won't Make It Easy

by PintSizedPO



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Moving On
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 68,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PintSizedPO/pseuds/PintSizedPO
Summary: Following 9x02, where do Sylvie and Matt go from here? Was everything ruined or can they find their way back to each other? With their attraction now known, can they work through their feelings? Is it a lost cause? While it shouldn’t be complicated, can their history ever make it easy?...Especially when it comes back for an unexpected visit?
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 631
Kudos: 394





	1. Non-Answer That Broke a Heart

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If you are still in your feels about this Wednesday's episode, this first chapter is a retelling of the last scene with Sylvie's POV during heartbreak. I needed to write her side because my empathy was so intense that I just needed to get it out there. I do understand completely why the writers did this, and I'm a little upset with myself because I should have seen this coming. I can see that they did this for some valid reasons: 
> 
> 1) They are going to have to work through things to get together. That didn't happen with Dawson, and that is definitely a reason they had such a rocky relationship from the beginning. They let their attraction overwhelm them and that didn't do them any favors. And Sylvie had the same thing with Antonio. 
> 
> 2) They have to first work through their history and I think they need to do that without also trying to navigate their new relationship. They are friends first and they need to talk about their feelings as such first. 
> 
> 3) If they are EVER going to shut up most of camp Dawsey we need to see how serious Matt is. Team Dawsey doesn't have to necessarily like the relationship, but if once Brettsey is together they still are mean to my girl I may start some twitter wars. In the show when we get dialogue about their relationship, it comes from Sylvie and the girls. We only see Matt's stares. He is a man of action, but we saw action for the first time with the jump out of 81. But we are also going to need to hear it. 
> 
> 4) Lastly, the only other people in the firehouse not in relationships are Gallo and Mackey. And they are still a little too new to get everyone going back to their relationship drama. We need at least a couple of the established characters to have relationship drama. Otherwise it is way too easy. They gave us Stellaride after a lot of drama so why did we think Brettsey would be different?
> 
> Whew! Sorry I needed to get that all out. This story will continue after episode 9x2 next, but I needed to get this out first.

He made the big gesture. It isn’t every day someone jumps out of a moving vehicle to rescue someone. But all of my past relationships went from zero to sixty at some point. I don't want that with him, because even though it feels like we’ve been in idle forever. Well in terms of a romantic relationship. Our friendship has grown and is what I've always wanted. What I've always wanted with my person. The feelings have grown, at least on my end, and I think we want the same thing in a relationship. I want it with him.

It shouldn’t be complicated. But history won't make it easy. It isn’t something we can ignore along the way. That’s why I asked. And that wasn’t a spur of the moment question for me and it shouldn’t have been something he had never thought about.

_I know I wouldn’t be able to hide from him forever. But he still made my heart skip and my breathe catch when I opened the door to find him there. Not really ready to face him quite yet, “Hi…”_

_“You rush out of Molly’s and then you avoid me all shift. Talk to me Sylvie. Did I do something wrong?” Matt’s determined voice, that I love so much, challenges me to be honest._

_I can’t lie to him, but I’m not ready for his answer. His gaze has me shaken. I know he sees me but maybe he really doesn’t understand. I’m not ready to change everything. But I’m going to, because both of us deserve answers. He deserves the truth of where I’m at, “No. No, I was avoiding you.” He looks so confused. God, I really am about to change everything. Shutting my eyes and exhaling I stop fighting my heart. Let go of my restraint and let myself leap towards what I want. “So I wouldn’t do this…”_

_I connect our lips briefly. I stop myself from doing more than I crave. Because even though it felt right, I can’t give more of my heart to him if it isn’t going to be reciprocated. It would ruin me. I look to his eyes and see surprise. I think I see more. Like he wanted this too. And he confirms this when he returns the kiss and puts his arms around me. He walks me back into the apartment and I need to be closer to him. He seems to need this too and after I help push his jacket off, I rip my cardigan off._

_This is perfect. This is what I’ve been dreaming of. It's passionate and I can feel the chemistry flying around us, but it's also soul-connecting and deep. It isn’t lust for me, and it doesn’t seem to be for him either. I choose to believe this is what it feels like to have Matt Casey in love with me._

_When he raises me up, I feel my legs go around him so he can carry me to the couch. He lays me down and surrounds me. I’ve wanted this. To allow his body to do what his soul has already done for me. To feel safe in his arms. The safe house I imagined they would be. I want to be one with him. We’ve connected in every way possible without taking this next step. Now I want to be a part of him in everyway possible and we are so close to it. But I need to know..._

_He lays me down and we each stop to revel in this change. His nose brushes mine making my eyes shut in ecstasy. This is effortlessly perfect. This has to be right._

_But I still have a seed of doubt that isn’t completely gone. I need to feel all my fears laid to rest before we risk our friendship. Before I risk ending up where I’ve always been. In too deep without a future I want. I pull back, “Sorry. It’s just…”_

_He pulls back and smiles, but ever the gentleman asks, “Do you want to slow down?”_

_Smiling while attempting to catch my breath, I let him know, “No it’s not that. I…I’ve just wanted this for a really long time.”_

_Stroking my cheek, he says what I’ve desperately wanted to hear for months, “Me too.” Our lips find each other’s again and then he's kissing my neck and making me forget why I pulled back in the first place._

_But I have to be strong and not let myself get carried away. I need to know._ “ _I have to ask you a question first.”_

_Pulling back with his solemn Matt Casey stare I fall a little harder. That stare let’s me know he genuinely cares about what I need to know, “What?”_

_I stroke his arms to ground myself to him. “The reason that I’ve been…so scared of this happening…um…the thing I need to know…” Biting my lip and looking down because this is harder than I ever thought it would be. “If Gabby came back, to Chicago…right now, tonight…and asked you to leave with her…would you go?”_

_His brow furrows and I think I genuinely rattled him. But then he said nothing and just kept staring. I appreciate him not blurting out a response, but I now know I expected him to. Taking a breath, he responds while I hold my own, “I haven’t talked to her in a long time.”_

_And that is when my heart breaks. I thought I’d experienced it before. But I can actually hear it happening. I don’t think anything he could say right now would stop this feeling. But I need him to clarify so I push him back and sit up, “That’s not the question Matt.”_

_He exhales and I try to keep my composure. I swallow after each inhale I take, trying to push down my feelings. Taking a few seconds, that felt like hours, he comes to a conclusion that was close to what I expected, but for some reason so much worse, “I don’t know.”_

_I lower my head trying to shake this off and try to come back up to look him in the eye several times. But I refuse to do it with tears falling down my cheeks. My response is genuine, “Thank you for being honest.” I’m sincere because it allows me to know without a doubt that this isn’t going to happen. “I guess that I knew…you were still in love with Gabby all along. So this is, I mean this is on me—”_

_Interrupting me, “It’s more complicated than that.” His face has turned to stone when he lifts it after shaking his head. All the walls I've broken through to get him to trust me and talk to me have been rebuilt. There is no emotion in his eyes. Or maybe I just can't read him like before. I've been wrong in everything so far, so what makes me think I ever could?_

_“No it’s…” He just doesn’t get it does he? “It’s really not.” He looks at me with confusion which is better than his blank stare. But I…I need him to leave…“I’m sorry but I think you should leave.”_

_I keep my head down as he stands and straightens himself up. And I feel his gaze on me as I wipe my eyes before any tears can fall. I finally look up to see him have a hint of frustration before his face is back to an expressionless stare. It’s like he was almost expecting this. He leaves my apartment without another word._

My fears weren’t unfounded, but irrevocably true. He hasn’t moved on and maybe he never will. He left with my broken heart in his hands after confirming my worry. But I am not going to be a consolation prize. That fear has others tied to it that hurt at almost equal points, adding to the heartache. I don’t think I will ever get rid of the guilt I felt for trying with someone I never should have tried with. Though Gabby hasn’t been close to me for years, it still feels like a betrayal, though Emily and Stella assure me it isn’t. I think I would have always struggled with that, but maybe I could have talked with her about it if I knew it was real. And this is another loss in my life and I'm just tired of losing people important to me.

The biggest part that scares me is that Matt was wrong. He said I'll get what I want because that's what I deserve. Maybe I won’t get what I fully want, because everything I wanted was found in him. But I know I don’t deserve this. I refuse to be second place when it comes to finding my person. I deserve better than that. And I'm going to get it. I’m not going to let this be another Harrison or Antonio situation. I deserve so much more and if Matt Casey isn’t it, then it's time I allow myself to find it with someone else.

Picking up my phone I dial the one person I need to talk to the most. The one who isn’t going to let me feel sorry for myself but remind me what a fighter I can be…“Emily…I need…can I...can you...I...I..." I can't hold back my tears any longer. I can barely breathe as I let someone else hear what I feel inside my chest.

"Girl I'm on my way. I'll call Stella and tell her to bring the wine."


	2. What We Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This picks up when Matt leaves Sylvie's apartment and what happens when he gets home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! To my friends in the states, I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! It has been an amazing four days for me and I'm blessed it was safe for me to spend time with some of my family. It is my favorite holiday and so I took a break to be with them...and food. 
> 
> I'm back though and December is going to be the month where I get this bad-boy finished. I had two four-hour car drives to think about where I wanted this story to go. I will at least have chapter 3 up by the end of the night and may also have 4 up. This whole story is going to go back and forth on POVs between Matt and Sylvie. We are going to get some Severide wisdoms, some support from Stella and Emily and some surprise guests very soon. 
> 
> I did fix the first chapter a little bit, but the most important spot if you don't feel like reading that again, is just that Sylvie isn't going to go to Emily, but Emily to Sylvie. 
> 
> Comments and kudos feed the little Matt, Sylvie, and Firehouse 51 that live in my head rent free. I do appreciate them and appreciate all of you who have decided to read and take this journey with me. Happy reading!

_What just happened?_ I think, as I close the door behind me. I don’t allow myself to look back. I lost her. Really, I never had her. But I still lost any chance I had with her. And I didn’t fight it. _Why didn’t I fight it?_ Because it was unwinnable and never would have worked out. I almost lost her four days ago. And somehow she survived. An improbable outcome to a horrifying event. I would call it a miracle, but that word will forever be tarnished.

What I looked at as a miracle, wasn’t really one. To me, it was a miracle that I found someone who loved me after losing Hallie. The chance I had to be with Gabby felt unexplainable. How a woman like that could love me didn’t make sense. She was so ambitious and passionate. Brave and strong. But for the last couple of years I realized something. Now I know. I know we weren’t supposed to be together forever. I know that.

She never allowed me to be there for her and I never told her how much I wanted that. But Gabby and I had something. We had something that could’ve worked if I had fought harder for her. _Right?_ I haven’t talked with or really thought about her since I heard her voicemail over a year ago. I’ve never thought about what I would do if she asked to get back together. Sylvie said I still loved Gabby. _And I always will, right?_ That doesn’t make my feelings for her any less real.

But Sylvie Brett saved me. She showed me how love is supposed to be. Encouraging the best of one another. Placing full trust in the other by being strong and brave enough to be vulnerable. Being honest in everything and facing challenges together. Valuing the other’s viewpoint. Feeling their pain and happiness, by walking alongside them as a partner.

Sylvie Brett is the living embodiment of love.

And I repaid her by breaking her heart. I look at the door one last time, knowing that this door has been closed forever. Despite trying to, I hurt her so easily. It confirms for me that I don’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve that. _God, what have I done?_

* * *

After a half hour of sitting in my truck and replaying everything that happened, I drive to the loft. When I walk in the door, Severide is drinking a beer and watching the Blackhawk's game. I was hoping to slip by him, but that was an irrational hope. He knew where I went and he'd told me he wanted to smoke cigars once I got things resolved. I did resolve them I guess.

He looked shocked to see me and then turned perplexed, “You’re back early. You resolve what you needed to?”

“You don’t need to worry about it.” I head to my room and am shocked when Severide slams his beer down hard on the table.

I turn to see him now standing and sporting a glare, “No Casey. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to hide and retreat back to the self-deprecating sad sack you were two years ago. What the hell happened?”

Growling and allowing the anger I have for myself to be redirected to him, I snarl, “Severide I’m not going to talk to you about this. Fuck off.”

“No Matt. I’m not letting you push me away. What the hell happened with Brett?”

“I FUCKED UP! HAPPY?” I yell, letting my frustration get the best of me. I drop into the chair next to him and drop my head in my hands.

“No man. No I’m not.”

I look up to him and with exasperation laced in my voice I explain, “Well neither am I. I lost the strongest, bravest and best woman I have ever known. Only a strong and brave person could do the work we do, see some of the terrible things we see, and still believe the good in everyone. Still love so selflessly." Needing to vent some of my frustration I kick the table leg, "And I fucked up any chance I had to be with her. I lost her before I ever had her.”

“How?”

“You know she was avoiding me. I asked her why and she told me, ‘so I wouldn’t do this.’ Then she kissed me. When I kissed her back, a minute later she stopped me and asked that if Gabby came back and asked me to leave with her, would I go.”

“And?”

“I told her I didn’t know.”

“God you are a dumbass when it comes to this kind of thing.”

Standing up I scoff, “Thanks for the support. Glad we talked.”

Frustrated Sev gets up and goes to the fridge. He grabs a couple beer and gives one to me. “Matt would you honestly get back together with Gabby?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Honesty I haven’t thought about her or that possibility for over a year.”

“Well then you don’t deserve Brett—"

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I know that it makes no sense as to why she even wanted me to begin with?”

“Yet. I was going to say yet. You obviously still have some stuff you need to work out first. Confront shit from your past. What I thought you’d already done… Wait. Why do you think you don’t deserve her?”

“She’s too good for me. And it never would have worked. I had my chance with Hallie and Gabby. I couldn't make either of those work, even before Hallie died. I've had my chance for happiness.”

“You self-sabotaging dumbass. You know exactly what you would say to Gabby. And if you don’t, let me clue you in on what you _should_ say. Hell no. I like Dawson as a person, but it was never going to work. Not because of _you_ but because of the fact that _you two_ didn’t want the same things. And the things you did want together, you didn’t get a choice in how they happened. I didn’t realize until she left how much you two tried to fit together like a square peg in a round hole. You were too different. It’s okay to love her, but you need to acknowledge that man.” I nod my head because he’s at least right about the last part. “Overall she didn’t make you happy. You deserve to be happy. We’ve known each other for twenty years and I've never seen you this happy. Sylvie's your person man.” 

“Even if you’re right, I blew it.”

“Bullshit. I’ve known you both love each other for a while now. And it isn’t one-sided. It wasn’t because you jumped out of 81 man. She sees you as you are. She sees everyone as they are and finds the good no matter what. She loves hard and she doesn’t stop loving easily. That’s not her." Stopping to snort, "She also has a knack for getting people to their full potential through her saintly ability to see the best in everyone…Have I ever told you about when I fell in love with her?” I throw my head up and realize I might have to fight my best friend. Then he rolls his eyes, “As a person and friend dumbass.”

I shake my head and he looks up with a smile as he recalls a memory, “The first time I really spent with her was trying to give that mom a second chance with her kid. Way back when she first started. That call where the kid had his head stuck in the guardrail as the balcony was going down. Mom lost custody at the hospital. She came to the station and asked for our help and I turned her down. As I’m sure you can imagine, Sylvie didn’t like that response.”

He’s right I can see her being furious with him. I’ve never heard this story and I’m actually a little pissed at his response. Snorting he continues, “Actually she told me my response sucked. Told me then that people stop having a second chance if you don’t give them one. Or something like that. I’ve only met two other people that good and kind-hearted before. She sees the best in everyone man and gives out more second chances than anyone.”

He’s right but she doesn’t deserve what I did to her. “Maybe she belongs with one of the other two people then.”

“Well Shay is gone. I'm also pretty sure Sylvie doesn’t swing that way, even if Shay was still here. And I’m trying to tell the other to stop being an idiot. It'd be nice if he got his head out of his ass and listened. So stop whining and figure out how you can fix this man." And with a challenge in his voice, "And don’t be a dumbass about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I value all of your opinions and constructive criticism is something I encourage. I am getting better at my editing, though sometimes I post faster than I should because I am so excited and want to move on to the next bit. But if you want to send me things on editing please email me (it's on my profile).


	3. A Beautiful Badass and Her Backup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie calls Emily and Stella and her best friends give her the comfort she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shorter chapter is something the writers wouldn’t have time to give us. But I think it’s what we would all do if we were given the opportunity to comfort Sylvie. And this is the response I want our badass queen to give.
> 
> AND I've edited this chapter and took out covid references. I've decided to take the pandemic out of the story to give us all a chance to escape it for a while.

Everything hurts, but it got better when Emily arrived. I opened the door and she hugged me tight, “Girl what happened?”

I can barely feel the tears anymore. I don’t know where I end and the tears start. God I just feel the hurt everywhere. Even when I am so happy to see Emily, they keep falling. She repeats her question after I take too long to answer and when I do, I don’t recognize my voice. Trying to breathe and get air I tell her, “It’s not going to happen. I let myself fall harder and it isn’t going to happen. It _can't_ happen.”

A knock sounds on the door. Since we didn’t fully shut it, Stella lets herself in. Her eyes take in everything and when they connect with mine, she goes on my other side, creating what my mom would call a 'Sylvie sandwich.' God I need and want her too. I can’t remember the last time I felt I needed my mom to come and save me from my own stupidity.

After a few moments they break apart. Emily walks me to the couch and Stella puts a few bottles of my favorite Rosé on the table. They shrug off their coats and Stella walks them to the door when she notices what I overlooked. “Girl is this Matt’s?” Holding up his jacket. The jacket I helped push off of him…when…I can’t…I can’t breathe so I nod and hold my chest.

“Easy Brett. Breathe slow for me,” Emily instructs. She then gives me an example to match. “In…out…in…out…” I start to get air back in my lungs and settle down.

Stella put Matt’s jacket on the chair and hands me my cardigan. “I think we know some of what happened. Are you ready to share? Or do we need to pour some glasses first?”

“Glasses.”

“Coming up.”

* * *

I have the best friends in the world. I've never had a friends so supportive…well…except…no not going there. They let me come down from my feelings for a little while, and Emily filled us in on Med school.

“Seriously Sylvie. You would run laps around some of the dumbasses who somehow got into a top ten school. If you ever want to be a doctor that is.”

Smiling softly, I reply with nothing but warmth, “Thank you Emily. I’m so proud and happy for you. But you know I’m happy at 51.”

And then I stop and Stella voices the question I never thought I’d have to ask. “But are you going to continue to be?” If I’m honest with myself my first thought is to call in for tomorrow’s shift.

“No. No it’s not going to be okay for a while.”

“Stella told me what happened with 61. And she also told me how Casey responded by jumping out of 81.” Emily forces my head to look her in the eyes. “So what happened between then and now?”

“I let him know how I feel.”

“Finally!” "About damn time!" They both shout with relief, but then come back down to earth and realize that it didn’t go the way they thought it’d go.

“So how did you go from that to …”

“I should have kept it to myself. Stella you know what was so wrong about letting him know how I feel? This. This feeling.” Both girls sat back in shock at how shrill and angry I sounded. Now I’m past the tears. I did this to myself and I should have known better. Getting up and pacing, “This feeling of knowing I finally found what I wanted. And I will never have it. I was right. I can’t feel this way about him. Because it is eating me alive now that I know it doesn’t matter. It **hurts**. ”

“But how…what did…”

“He said ‘I don’t know.’ His response to me asking if Gabby came back and asked him to leave with her, would he go. He didn’t know if he would go or stay with me.”

I see their wince and then hear a hiss of disbelief from Stella before she says, “Bullshit. He would never go with her. We know he’d never leave 51.”

“It isn’t about whether he would actually leave.” I say stronger than I knew I could. I continue louder and louder and find steel in my words as I say them. “It’s that he didn’t know. I can’t move forward if I’m not an automatic choice. I refuse to be a placeholder until she comes back. I’m done being 'not enough.' Because I don’t deserve to think or question that. So yes, after I finally made a move and felt the right kiss and had the right man's arms around me, I asked. Because I deserve to be first in the eyes of whoever I give my heart to. And he couldn’t give me that. If he showed up right now and told me he made a mistake, I still wouldn’t be able to be with him. I'm done being second. Done of living in someone else’s shadow.”

“Damn right you’re done thinking that. You are so much more than enough. And if Casey can’t see that then he doesn’t deserve you. Because you deserve a man to give you the world. Period.” Stella says snaking an arm around me and holding me tight.

Emily follows suit and declares, “Stella you forgot to say Sylvie Brett is a beautiful badass who can handle anything. And she’s going to get over this and go after what she wants. And whoever she decides to give her heart to, better be at least an eight,” then poking me in the arm causing me to chuckle she finishes, “to get with this eleven.”

I start laughing, which feels so much better than crying. I know my heart is going to hurt for a while, but with my girls I know I can make it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the next shift at 51 and the talk from the promo. There are going to be a few cameos in the chapters to follow, and this next chapter will set up why. It will be a definite shout-out to the past. I’m so excited I thought I should give you the initial of my first cameo’s last name: M.


	4. A Difference in Reports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difference in Mackey and Brett’s reports from the Halleck calls, creates an impromptu meeting.

Okay, Severide said I could fix this. I can fix this. _If I’m not a dumbass_. Easier said than done. But I have a plan. I need to talk to her. I walk into 51 an hour earlier than my normal hour early. Chief asked for Severide, Herman and I to come in early for an officer’s meeting. These happen sometimes with Brett and sometimes without her. I’m a little grateful this appears to be the latter, since her name wasn’t in the text chain.

I always like to get a little paperwork done before breakfast or these meetings, but after trying to focus on the same report for the last twenty minutes, I realize I’m not going to get anything done until I talk with her.

Severide walks in and stops me before I get up. “You might want to cool it with the drills for the day, unless you want to possibly be pushed into a fire or sawed in half…”

“So Stella knows.” I don’t even need to make it a question.

“She ended up staying the night at Brett’s.” Kelly holds up an extra duffle, “Said she’d be in any minute to change into her gear.” I look at my watch and then see Severide’s smirk, “She’s about to be here because she also happens to be invited to this officer’s meeting.”

Christ, this is going to be a long shift. I nod and get up to get more coffee. Then I book it to Boden’s office in an attempt to avoid Kidd until the last possible moment. What I wasn't expecting was to also find Mackey here.

“Chief. Mackey.”

They both greet me back and Boden says, “I've invited Mackey to our meeting. She and I were just discussing the Halleck incident a little more.”

“Oh, is everything okay?”

Mackey nods and also appears confused as to why she was asked be here. “It’s uh…it’s good on my end.”

Herman then comes in and starts talking to the chief. He’s followed by Severide and Kidd. Kidd looks at me with murder in her eyes and cuts me off before I can explain. “We can talk after shift at the loft.” She then mutters loud enough for Sev and myself to hear, “so I can kick your ass and keep my job.” I hear a small gasp and turn to see Mackey wide-eyed and looking between us. I level Stella with a glare letting her know I understand, but don’t push it at the firehouse.

Chief clears his throat and starts, “Well since most of us are here, let’s talk about Brett before she gets here.”

Severide and I should not have been taking sips of coffee, because we choke on it. Kidd laughs, sits down on the couch and puts her legs up on the coffee table. “Oh yes. Please. Let’s do.”

Chief looks at me, figuring I must know what is going on, “Is there something I need to be made aware of?”

I can’t find a way to answer, and thankfully Severide does for me. “No Chief. Not at this time. We’ll let you know if that changes.”

He gives me a look that means the two of us will be talking about it soon. Probably after this meeting. “Okay. Good. Well like I said I wanted to talk about Brett. Captain have you had a chance to read the reports on the Halleck home incident yet?”

“Uh no Chief. No, I haven’t.” 

“Well Brett appeared to leave out something crucial in her report, but Mackey didn’t." That's unlike Sylvie and that already let's me know whatever happened was bad. "Ah. Here’s our last guest. Morning Chief Hatcher.”

Hatcher shakes Boden’s hand and then Mackey’s. “Morning Boden. Sorry I’m running late. Mackey glad to see you are fitting in here.” His words don’t really fit his signature flat expression. He then nods at the rest of us. 

“I was just starting to explain the report differences between Mackey and Brett. Mackey can you explain the incidents that happened on the first call concerning Joe Halleck.”

“Uh…sure…I mean yes. PIC Brett and I had just gotten into the house and she started confirming that our victim, Joe Halleck's brother, was overdosing. While in the middle of this we both heard him cock the gun as he placed it on the back of Brett’s head and told us that if his brother dies, we die.” Based on the intakes of breath from Herman, Severide and Kidd, I know that they didn’t realize the threat wasn’t just verbal. It’s interesting to me that not even Stella had known that he pulled a gun when he said those words. “Uh...then she got up and told Halleck that we couldn’t treat him with a gun pointed at us. He then…he…he…”

The Chief then patted Mackey on the back and let her collect herself. Why did she need to collect herself? They got away then right? _Right?_

“He uh then pointed the gun at me and said that he was going to shoot me if she didn't fix him. Then Brett…then Brett told him to point the gun back at her.”

“She what?!?!” I didn’t realize I said, well more like growled, it out loud until everyone turned to me. “Sorry…uh continue Mackey.”

“Like I said she made it clear to him that she wanted the gun to remain on her. And we attempted to treat the guy with Narcan but it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t going to make it if we didn't get him to Med. Halleck didn’t like that we needed to take him to the hospital, but she got up and told him that she didn’t care what he did, but that we were taking him. She pushed him out of the way and we got him on the stair chair. She stood between him and me, the gun pointed on her the whole time and but focused on our patient. And she also continually checked to make sure the gun wasn't pointed at me.”

You could hear a pin drop. I knew she was brave and selfless, but this story is proof that Sylvie Brett is too good for this world. I know it isn’t the first time she’s worked in a dangerous situation by gunpoint. But it’s the first time I think I’ve heard the whole truth about it.

Boden explains why we are all here, “We all know how tough, determined and selfless Brett is. She left out her heroics in her own report, which frankly none of us should be surprised by. And both Casey and Mackey’s reports are identical in regards to how she handled the wreck. Both of you said that without a moment’s hesitation, when she found out where Halleck was and saw him in danger, she ran towards him and began working to save him. Despite knowing he had a gun, despite undeniable fear, despite the unknown, despite the danger, she put her partner, and at both scenes her patients, before herself. Without hesitation. So when I sent the reports to Hatcher, I also put in a request for a commendation.”

“And I agreed it was highly deserved. But I need to tell you that the higher ups had a different reaction.” The outrage is clear on everyone’s faces, and Boden looks both confused and livid at this announcement. But Hatcher gives a rare smile and holds up his hand. He continues, “We talked about Brett’s history with the CFD and her amazing record of not only being heroic and brave in the obstacles she’s faced, but her ability to be calm under pressure, and always doing what’s best for the patient. She’s also done all of this and still followed CFD regulations, which is a miracle in and of itself. The few times she strayed from them wasn’t too much and it was because it was best for the patient. She was justified in doing so. She’s had some… _outspoken_ partners. But never once have I questioned her actions or judgement. I let my superiors know this. We unanimously agreed we want CFD paramedics to learn from and follow her example.” He then looks to Boden, “Chief instead of just a commendation, we want her to have that commendation in the form of a meritorious promotion to Ambulance Commander.”

Boden smiled wide and shook Hatcher’s hand. “About time she was recognized. There is no one more deserving.” And he’s right. No one deserves it more than her.

Everyone has smiles on their faces and Herman asks, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a meritorious promotion for paramedics. Is that common?”

“Actually no. It’s extremely rare. Just like firefighters, promotions are usually political and are at the application of the individual when signing up for the exam.”

“Something Brett would never do. She’d always think of someone else to recommend before herself.” Stella smiles. “So how are you going to convince her to accept?”

Hatcher actually smirks, another expression I’d never thought I’d ever see on his face, as he heads towards the door. “Not tell her until a couple of hours before the ceremony. Not giving her a chance to back out. The ceremony is going to be next shift around three in the afternoon. Boden I'll let you handle the details since it will be here at 51. That is if you don’t mind?”

“We’ve got it covered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I was wrong. I thought I was going to be able to fit the promo chat in this chapter, but I decided to wait until the next one. I also know nothing of how meritorious promotions or commendations work except for what I’ve seen on the show. And I googled the hierarchy for the CFD paramedics and this was between PIC and Chief Hatcher’s rank. It is the equivalent to a Captain. I wanted to give my girl a little credit where I feel credit is due, I’m still in awe of how she handled that first call with telling him to point the gun on her. This also give me the perfect opportunity to bring in some old characters…some previous partners if you will...


	5. 'Can it be that simple?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie gets ready for her first shift after and gets comfort from the last place she expected it.

I don’t think I got any sleep last night. My head is pounding. Which makes total sense when I see the four empty wine bottles on the coffee table…and the half bottle of tequila. I don’t like drinking when I’m so emotionally wrecked. Alcohol is supposed to be something for fun and celebrations…But I needed it to forget last night. And for a few hours it worked.

At least my couch is cozy, despite it being my least favorite spot in the apartment right now. Emily is on her side next to me. Her arms around me keeping me grounded. I look up to see Stella moving around the apartment collecting her things. It’s shift day so really every decision I made in the last twelve or so hours sucked. I never get drunk the night before shift.

Okay pep talk time. I have to get up and pull myself together. Because my patients don’t deserve to have me not on top of my game. Getting up I shake myself awake and go straight to the medicine cabinet and get some aspirin. The room always spins right? I can’t let myself feel this way. That’s it. I’m not going to feel hungover…hopefully my body listens soon.

From the kitchen, Stella groans, “So you’re feeling it too right?”

“I’m—” wow even talking hurts my head. I stop walking towards her because I can’t do more than one thing at a time right now. I shake my head up and down, which wasn’t necessarily a better choice but it gets the job done.

Mumbling while heading towards my front door, Stella briefs me, “Boden texted me. He wants me in early so I’ll see you at the firehouse. Coffee is done.”

“Wait.” I whisper which is the only option that doesn’t make my head spin. “Can you drive?”

“Not right now. Ritter’s picking me up. So my car is staying in your extra spot for the next twenty-four. Hopefully I’m more alive by the time I get there and have to face the Chief.” 

“Be safe.” What feels like an hour later, I finally make it to the beautiful creation that is coffee. Just breathing in the smell helps a lot. And my cup is drained quickly after I wash down my aspirin.

When I turn around Emily is up and functioning. Functioning almost normally. “Don’t hate me girl. We both tried to talk you out of the tequila shots.”

“Ugh. I need to make a note for drunk Sylvie next time. Reminding her that tequila is hungover Sylvie’s enemy.”

Emily has the gall to laugh and when I face her, she holds up her hands in surrender. And thankfully quiets down, “I’m sorry girl. But you have me for the next week. I’m almost off for Thanksgiving break and I’ve already let the hospital know I need to take time off. I’m here as long as you need me. But I get the bed while you’re on shift.”

“Deal.”

“I do have one more final to finish this morning though. When I get back this evening, I’ll bring donuts to the house.”

I hug my best friend and my eyes only remain tear-free because all the alcohol last night dried me out. “Thank you Emily. I…I wouldn’t have been able to…I mean…without you…”

“Brett. Just because I’m back at school doesn’t mean we aren’t still partners for life. Plus, in just a few short years I’ll be at Med and see you at every drop off. Or in the field if you need a trauma surgeon.” She winks. 

That’s the first thing to make me smile. “Good because Chicago needs Emily Foster. And I need you too.”

“Girl I got you,” she promises as she steps towards me.

Grabbing her in a tight hug, “And I got you.”

* * *

After a refreshing shower, two more cups of coffee and some breakfast, Emily drives my revived self to the firehouse. First car I see is Matt’s truck. Great.

“Sylvie look at me.” Turning towards Foster I see a look of steel and determination. “Sober Sylvie Brett last night had the right idea. You know you deserve to be first and you can’t jump in without knowing you are. He’s probably going to try to talk with you at some point. Don’t avoid him. You can do this. You both are the most professional people in that firehouse so it doesn’t have to be awkward unless you make it awkward. Casey will more than likely follow your lead. When you talk figure out a way to resolve how to move forward. But first take a minute to go restock the ambo so you don’t have too much time to hang out in the common room before the briefing. Stella will be able to help after that.” I nod because her plan will definitely work. “Good. Now go give Chicago hell!”

Chuckling and smiling back at her, “And you kick the pants off your last final!”

Winking she affirms, “Oh you count on it!”

As she drives off, I walk up the apron with a small smile on my face thinking of how blessed I am to have my girls. But when I get to the ambo I’m stunned to see someone sitting on the back. I would have expected anyone else before Kelly Severide. But there he is, eating an apple with a smile that confirms he is definitely waiting for me.

Maybe Stella is done with Boden and I can just skip this part of the plan…I decide to angle myself towards the door on the other side of the ambo, when Kelly snorts and walks towards me, “Really Brett? You think it’s going to be that easy to get away from me?”

Whining like a petulant child and sticking out my bottom lip, “No. But it’d be nice if you’d let me.”

Smiling like a big brother annoying his little sister, “Nope. We need to talk. Just you and me.”

“Have we ever talked just the two of us?”

“Not as much as we should. That changes now. Congratulations you now have an annoying older brother who isn’t going to let you get away with shit.”

Groaning I throw my duffle down next to the squad table and open the ambo’s back doors. “Fine but I’m restocking while we talk.”

“Nope. You’re going to give me your full attention. We can go somewhere else if you want.”

Sighing I climb in the ambo and point to a spot on the bench next to me. He grins again, which is getting on my last nerve. “Severide I know what you’re going to say—”

“Good. So I’ll make this quick then. Casey knows he messed up. You and I both know he has a hard time processing sometimes. I didn’t realize until last night he never processed Gabby leaving. Not fully. He just shoved it down. You gave him a question I don’t think he ever thought about.”

I sigh, “How? How could he not think about that, when that’s all I think about?”

“Because he would never compare the two of you. He sees you for who you are: a capable badass with a heart made of something better than gold. He also isn’t looking for a reason for this not to work…” _Wait is that what I’m doing? No. No he’s wrong. Why would I do that?_ “...Well not fully...Look I’m not going to sit here and tell you why he responded to you that way or my guess as to what he’s ultimately thinking. I’m pretty confident I know, but that’s something the two of you need to work out. But I’ll let you in on a secret. I’ve known him for twenty years and I have never seen him as happy as he’s been since you got back from Fowlerton. Honestly it’s been entertaining to watch the two of you dance around each other like lovestruck preteens.”

“Severide I think—”

“Do me a favor Brett and stop over-thinking this and just go talk with him. It’s not going to magically resolve itself with one talk but it sure as hell isn’t going to if you avoid him.”

“I would never avoid him. It’s my fault we are in this mess and—”

“Stop. Don’t go down that road because it’s the wrong one. It’s no one’s fault. Fault has nothing to do with this. Fear is what's stopping you both.” I look at Severide and cannot believe he is the one to make me confront my emotional turmoil and turn it right side up. That he’s completely right. I don’t know what to say, but apparently, he isn’t done. “Brett can you just promise me you’ll remember one thing?”

My brows furrow, knowing this is going to be a challenge, “What?”

With eyes completely focused on me, “Remember that people stop having a second chance if you stop giving them one. Someone really wise once said that to me and I think about it often…not as often as she does because it’s part of her DNA. But I wish she would take it a step further and give herself a second chance too. A second or third or fourth chance to actually be happy. To _let_ herself be happy. Because she deserves to get what she wants too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so stoked that everyone is happy with Brett’s promotion! I want this to happen soooo badly! Like I may or may not have contemplated stalking the writers to make sure this happens. (Okay I just thought of this, but now doesn’t it sound like a good idea?) I digress…So we didn’t get the promo chat in this one either, so I’m going to stop saying it’s in the next chapter. It will be in the story at some point…
> 
> I appreciate all your love and support. I've been waking up to kudos and compliments and it just encourages me to power through my day so I can come home and write! Next chapter should be up tomorrow evening as I have already started it and have lots of ideas of where to take it. Just need to sleep on it first.


	6. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans get made for Brett’s promotion ceremony and Kidd talks with Casey. Then Cruz asks a question no one thought of…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few of these back and forth scenes will overlap in a weird way. This is a little bit before Kelly’s talk with Sylvie and ends where the previous chapter ends.

As soon as Hatcher walks out, we all turn to each other with proud smiles. “I’ve seen a lot of paramedics over my years with the CFD and no one's more deserving than Brett to get this,” Herman says, taking the words out of everyone’s mouths.

“I know I haven’t been here long, but her reputation at the academy proceeded her. I heard a lot of stories about 51 when I was there, but she was the only constant.” Mackey reports and then laughs, “Come to think of it, Hatcher made sure to point out how calm, cool and collected she was when she made all of her decisions. And how she relied on her training to stop and think of the best solution.”

Severide snorts, “Yeah he would like that.” The two of us really only know Hatcher through our connections with Gabby and Shay. I nod, because he definitely would.

“She really is a stone-cold slayer.”

“Oh I am so getting t-shirts made that say that for the afterparty.”

Boden interrupts them and starts hammering out the details. “Herman I’d like to hold the celebration party after shift at Molly’s. We'll probably also need the patio. I'll send a memo to all other houses.”

“Chief you read my mind. This is a cause for celebration and we'll shut down to the public that night. I’ll see if Cindy is willing to help us get some snacks and a cake together. Are we letting Med and the 21st know?”

Boden nods, “I’ll let Voight and Goodwin know. That way they can tell their people and everyone can come to either if they can. Kidd–”

“I have her mom’s number and will call her after shift starts. Emily is actually in town for the next few days so she'll be there too.”

“Thank you. That helps save me a few calls…Will you and Emily say a few words?”

“Oh, there really wasn’t going to be an option for us not to chief.”

With a proud smile chief laughs, “I should have known better with you three. Mackey this shift and next you are going to be on distraction detail. I know she is still helping you to get adjusted to the house, so use that if you need to.”

“I can do that chief.”

“Next shift in the morning we’ll block off one of the aprons and start setting up and polishing this place up around noon. All companies will be in charge of getting all that ready. Stella can you have Emily grab Brett’s dress blues and bring them that day. We won’t tell her until we actually start setting up. I need to tell the house…I’ll do that here in a few minutes…Captain could you distract—”

Severide cuts him off, “Chief I actually need to talk with Brett so I can do that.” Both Kidd and I turn to look at him. I narrow my eyes in caution. If this is about last night, I don’t want him getting in the middle of this. Based on Stella’s annoyed look she also isn’t thrilled with this turn of events. “If that’s all I can actually go do that now.”

Chief clears his throat and looks at the three of us before turning his focus on Severide, “That’s fine lieutenant. Thank you.” Tension fills the room, because it is obvious half of it is missing out on what they think is probably key information. “Really the only other details that need to be discussed are between the Captain and I. If the rest of you can get everyone to the common room, I will make the announcement here in ten minutes. Severide if you can keep Brett on the app floor, I think that would be best.”

Everyone nods and follows their directions, leaving me with the chief.

Narrowing his gaze at me, “Want to let me know what is going on?”

“Uh…I…um…”

“Does this have something to do with you jumping out of 81 on the way to the second scene?” My head shoots up and I wonder how he knew about that. I didn’t put that particular gem in my report and neither Mackey or Sylvie knew. Not at first. With a sterner tone than I have heard directed at me for a while, “Yes Matt, I heard about that. Mouch can’t keep his mouth shut. My guess is the whole firehouse knows.”

Swallowing hard before I answer, “I was just trying to make sure Syl…Brett and Mackey were all right.”

“We both know that's only part of it.”

Rubbing the back of my neck I sit down across from Boden and admit, “Things have been…changing for a while now between Sylvie and me.”

“Based on Kidd’s lethal expression I’m going to venture a guess and say something got off track.”

“You’re correct. And it isn’t going to be fixed easily. But nothing will be brought into the house to distract from the job. I promise you that.”

“I know that. You are two of the most professional and dedicated people in this firehouse. Definitely the two most humble and selfless ones in it. Enough so to be promoted to such a high level of leadership based on merits alone in a department riddled with politics.”

Thinking of how proud of her I am, I beam, “For her it is completely deserved.”

“I’d say for both of you it was. Not sure what the obstacle is, but I know you’ll make it right. You’d be an idiot not to. As her commanding officer, Hatcher will be administering her oaths. I was going to ask you to pin on her badge. But I don’t want to put you in a difficult position, so I'll let you think on it.”

I don’t think that would be the best idea. It is reminiscent of when Gabby pinned on mine and I don’t want to risk Sylvie comparing the two events, when it should only be about her. “I don’t need to think on it, because I know it would pull away from the ceremony.” I reply decisively. He nods and appears to be in deep thought about how to fix this, “Sir. Is it possible to have Foster pin it on? I think it would mean more to her to have someone she’s served with do it.”

“I’m not sure about protocol but I’ll ask. I think you’re right. Which leads me to something else that I think you should be made aware of. I’m going to call all her old partners and see if they can attend.”

Gabby coming now isn’t ideal. Which means it is almost a guarantee she will. But maybe this could give me the opportunity to prove some things to Sylvie. And to finally get full closure and put that relationship behind me once and for all.

* * *

Shift still hasn’t started so I make my way to the common room and see that Ritter and Gallo already have breakfast finished. Boden will come out and make his announcement soon.

Both candidates greet me, “Morning Captain!”

“Gallo. Ritter.”

“Hey do you know if Brett is doing okay?” Ritter asks with a far too knowing look. How the hell would he know what happened.

Furrowing my brow, “Uh…Why wouldn’t she be?”

“Well the crash must have hurt her at least a little right? I know Mackey said she’s sore.” Gallo answers.

“The kid makes a good point.” Mouch says from his spot as he reads the paper. He eyes me, like he is trying to figure out a puzzle.

“Actually, I meant…” Ritter starts and when his eyes meet mine, he pauses. I give him a look of irritation that suggests he needs to finish his sentence.

But Cruz beats him to it, “Based on the pictures on Foster’s snapchat from last night, I’d say she has to have a hangover. Right? I mean if she tried to keep up with Foster or Kidd, she is definitely feeling it this morning.”

“Oh trust me. She is. Otherwise I’d have a bone to pick with her because I can’t feel my face anymore. And it was her idea.” Kidd says as she walks into the room and heads straight to the coffee and food. “Fill me up boys. I’ve completely emptied my stomach of everything, not just the tequila. It's going to be a long shift.” She turns and sees me. I lift my brow in question and she answers, “I’m good to go captain, but I’m going to complain until we get a call.”

“What’s Foster doing back in town? And what do you mean Sylvie’s idea?” Gallo asked. And thankfully he did. I need to know what happened after I left.

“Foster is almost on break, but Sylvie asked her to take her last class off and come do a girls' night. At one point, Brett grabbed the tequila. I don’t remember when or how much we got through.”

“Is she still planning on coming in this morning?” Ritter asked.

“She’s here and stocking the ambo. Gentlemen please use church voices today as much as you can when addressing both of us. And when Foster comes in this evening someone please kick her ass for her high tolerance.”

Stella starts heading towards Severide’s quarters with her food when I stop her. “Kidd can we talk for a minute.”

She stops and turns around with a heavy sigh. “Captain I apologize for what I said earlier in Boden’s office. I talked with Kelly and I know the whole situation is more complicated than I’m making it out to be. You have to understand I spent the night with my best friend crying in my arms. _After_ I encouraged her to let you know how she feels. I’m confused. I know you feel the same way because I know you too Casey.”

“I know I messed up. She just…I didn’t expect her. She snuck up on me and I…Stella I know I don’t deserve her. But I want to. I just…Her question threw me. I haven’t thought about Gabby in a long time. I know I need to figure some things out. I just…”

Holding up her hand, “Matt you both have a lot of history between the two of you. Neither one of you have allowed yourselves to bring up the past with each other. And Kelly thinks you’ve been avoiding thinking about it for a long time. I understand why. But if you want to move forward with her you both need to confront and discuss it. History sure as hell won’t make it easy for the two of you. And people are going to have opinions. But I’ve never seen either of you take the easy way out. Or either of you as happy as when you’re together. Just figure your own shit out first so you can figure out how to move forward together.”

“I will. I’m not going to lose the opportunity to be with her again.”

Smirking, “Good. Because if you mess this up my foot will be meeting your ass in a kick both the Rockettes and Jackie Chan would appreciate.”

Seeing Boden make his way to the common room, she drops her plate off in Sev’s office and we both follow him. Once he confirms everyone is here besides Severide and Sylvie he clears his throat and smiles widely, “Everyone I have some good news I'd like to share before briefing. All of you know some of the events surrounding the crashing of Ambo 61. Based on some details that came through from Mackey and Captain Casey’s reports, it has been decided by the brass that Brett get recognized for some of her actions during those calls. Next shift she'll be awarded a meritorious promotion to Ambulance Commander.”

Everyone broke out in applause and everyone talked over each other saying how she deserved it. Boden quiets them down for a moment, when Cruz asks a question no one, not even Boden, thought of before.

“Wait. Ambulance Commanders usually teach at the academy and only go out in EMS high-response plans. Does this mean she has to leave 51?”

And then the bells ring.


	7. Already a Natural

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 51 is called out to a two-alarm fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do at least one fire scene because what is Chicago fire without the bells interrupting something important. And this chapter belongs more in the Brett fandom than Brettsey fandom. 
> 
> I love all the passionate responses I got in regards to Joe's question. The answer is coming and know that I haven't decided how to play it out yet. I appreciate all your comments and know they are how I feel, but my brain just hasn't worked out that side of the story yet. Right now I'm focused on how to introduce some upcoming guests. But know I love Brett and I love 51, so why would I make it a permanent break?

I never thought I’d be hugging Kelly Severide. Well at least not until he gets down on his knee in front of Stella. I’m still waiting for him to ask for help ring shopping. I know it’s going to happen soon. After that he is going to get lots of hugs for making my best friend so happy.

We’ve always been friends, but this is the first time I feel like he sees me for more than Stella’s best friend. I don’t know why we’ve never talked like this before. We have so much shared history between us. We really haven’t talked since my first few months at 51. He asked me to Vegas once and he even helped me figure out some things about Harrison. I think I told him that I had just slept with Harrison. Wow. Huh I forgot about that. In the beginning when I was still word vomiting all over 51, he received a few of the juicer bits. And we were best friends to one half of the Dawson/Casey relationship. This should have happened sooner.

Squeezing him tight, “Severide I hope you understand you have now unleashed the hugging monster. Ask my little brother. You’ll get tired of the spontaneous hugs.”

He laughs, “Well if I’m the annoying big brother than it’s only fair you play the role of infuriating little sister.”

We then hear the bells ring and he moves to go. “Stop. No one is out here yet. You can at least give me five more seconds. Or are you worried about losing your bad boy cred?”

“Pssht…”

I let go and poke him in the side, “Stop getting antsy. I won’t tell anyone _bro_.” We both start to climb out of the ambo. Severide ruffles my hair and smiling I kick him. “Watch it mister! I’ll tell everyone you give the best cuddles.” Of course that’s when I hop down after him and see Matt and Stella rushing towards 81. They both look at us with questions in their eyes. They both heard the last part. I mouth a 'later' to Stella and go towards the driver’s side of 61.

Matt and I walk next to each other as we both head to our doors. Once in 61, I look out the window to find him staring at me as he puts on his gear. With a voice full of regret I wasn’t expecting, he pleads, “Can we please talk after?”

I give him a nod and hear Mackey jump in next to me. I start the engine and then turn on the sirens. I head out first, which is a rarity, but I need to get away from his gaze. I need to focus on the job right now and not get caught back up in my feelings.

We pull up to an office building, whose fire is rolling. I’ve been with the CFD long enough to know that we are later than is ideal because the smoke has already gone past light gray and is quickly turning darker. Jumping out, there are already thirty civilians out but the five-story building. Which suggests we probably have at least eighty or more inside.

Boden talks with the building manager and then turns back towards the rigs and let’s command know, “Main we have a two-alarm working fire, requesting two more trucks and four more engines respond.”

He then turns to me and gives me an encouraging look. Normally he’d request an EMS plan, but for some reason he wants me to do it? Grabbing my radio, “Uh...Also requesting an EMS plan two—,” meaning an additional ten ambulances with the four already here, plus a triage van and my field chief. I’ve done enough of these to know what I’m going to need and I don’t understand why these aren’t automatically called for when an EMS plan is called, “—and direct all inbound units to grab five additional oxygen tanks.” Boden is watching me call it in with a large smile on his face. When I’m done I ask, “Chief?”

He seems to catch himself and his smile shrinks to a smaller grin, though he still seems to be radiating with pride. He then starts directing everyone, “Fire is on four. Three staircases, two on the ends and one in the middle. Everyone go up the middle and use the ends for bringing down civilians. Squad take south and 81 east on the fire floor. Once they are evacuated, head to five. Other companies will get people out below once they respond. Engine get two lines for four and follow behind them. Clarence get the cannon ready. That smoke isn’t going to give us a lot of time, so let’s be prepared to knock the rest down from out here. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

Matt starts issuing his orders to truck and then catches my eye. No matter what is going on between us I am always terrified when he goes into any call. A call larger, but similar to this, was where we almost lost Stella. I know he knows what he’s doing but I'm always going to worry and pray for his safety. I give him a nod and mouth, _be safe_. I didn’t think he could see me from that far away but he mouths what I think is a confirmation and nods as he gets his mask on.

Turning towards Mackey, Boden stops me before I get too far. “Brett you’re running triage until Hatcher gets here.” I nod my head but, _wait what?_ My confusion increases. Hatcher works at headquarters which is a good forty minutes, granted faster with sirens, but still not usually quick enough to get here for most of the call. Ambulance Commander Derrick is usually first on scene and takes over from whichever PIC starts triage.

“Sir?”

“AC Derrick isn’t available today.”

“Oh-okay. Eh Copy Chief.”

After grabbing some oxygen tanks and triage cards from the ambo, I signal Mackey to follow me. I start setting things up as we go and then start to tag people and point them to where I want them to go, “Just like at the photography studio, we triage as we go and do what we can to help the most people as quickly as possible. Once other ambos get here and we have more hands, you are going to be in charge of making sure everyone is tagged as they get out the front door while I oversee the other medics and decide on transport needs.” I then start asking and pointing all the civilians with no breathing trouble or wounds towards Boden.

“Anyone with minor breathing problems or small superficial cuts should be marked green and needs to go over to that cone by Boden’s rig. Once the triage van is here they can take care of them and any remaining yellows we have. The ones who are struggling to breath need to be prepped to receive oxygen once we get it. Yellow also for serious abrasions that need to have then tended to quickly if time allows. Once we have the triage van we will take them there. Green behind them. And the ones who have burns or high levels of smoke inhalation need to be checked quickly and then put on oxygen immediately. I also want them nearest the ambulances as they are more than likely going to be assessed as red and may need to go at a moment’s notice. At that point I will assess and mark black if we have no chance. Copy?”

Mackey smiles, which seems happier than she should be in this situation, and nods, “Copy Commander Brett.”

I blink and look at her confused before she blushes and rushes off to do her work. She is still pretty green, so she probably doesn’t understand that just because I am acting as AC, doesn’t mean I have the title.

More people are being brought out as squad and truck are bringing out quite a few people. I immediately know they were from the fire floor and put these people in the yellow section and start to assess. After I hear my name, I look up to see Matt and Gallo carrying a woman who is barely breathing and so I rush over and start evaluating. I have them carry her to a gurney near 61 and get my scope and stethoscope ready.

In a steady voice to keep her calm I ask, “Hi ma’am I’m Sylvie. Can you tell me your name?”

“Ugh…Ugh…Joo-Jodie.”

“Jodie I’m going to listen to your lungs now okay. I need for you to breathe deep for me.” Gallo and Matt set her down on the gurney and I start to check her to confirm what her cough is telling me.

“She was close to the point of origin and the smoke there is almost black.” Matt knows enough to tell me this so if I’m not sure of a diagnosis I have all the information I need.

I turn looking for an available ambulance because her wheezing and the knowledge she was breathing in that heavy of smoke for that long there is no denying it. Firehouse 20 is here and so I shout, “Lin, intubate on the way to Med. Right next to the fire for too long. She needs to go _now_.”

“Copy Brett!”

I turn to find Gallo and Matt headed back towards the building. Matt has a soft smile on his face that causes me to furrow my brow. It drops when he sees me looking and he puts his helmet back on. When he looks at me so loving with those gray blue eyes, how am I not supposed to love him back.

_Argh. Focus Brett_. I stop myself and head back to the front of the building where a new batch of civilians are coming out. We are still waiting for about six more ambos, but now that we have a few I direct Mackey to stop working on yellows and help me triage. She is on her way to being a pro and is dedicated. This partnership is going to work out well, I know it. She also took my directions well, allowing me to focus on more reds and how to proceed. Ambos are regularly coming as I need them. 

Most everyone is out of the building now, just a few more on five and possibly a couple on the fire floor, judging from the radio transmissions. Severide and Joe bring me a man who was also near the point of origin. Unlike Jodie, he also has some burns. I’d estimate he’s been up near the smoke for over half an hour. He is barely breathing and needs to get to Med immediately.

Looking around I see that we have enough firefighters to help with the yellow to get oxygen. I realize I only have one rig left. Mine. Protocol demands I stay if my AC isn’t here yet and Hatcher isn’t around to take over.

“Dammit.” Severide arches a brow at my curse. “Where is Hatcher? This man needs to get to Med now.” Looking around I see Mouch and Stella coming out with a few of the civilians from five. Matt and Gallo aren’t too far behind. “M—Casey I need Kidd. Now. Can you spare her?”

I’m shocked by the authority in my voice, but he just smiles again, although this time more openly. “Uh yeah…yes.”

After confirming I have a driver for 61 I radio to main, “Main this is 61. Do I have units returning from med?

“Negative 61.” Dang. I don't want to have none near me, but I have to send 61 with this man now. 

“Requesting two additional ambulances to the fire at Bleaker and 27th.”

“Copy 61.”

Sev, Cruz and I start rolling the gurney towards 61. Signaling Mackey, I start prepping him for transport by intubating him. I’ve done this enough times I walk backwards as I do it, trusting Joe and Sev to maneuver around obstacles. “Mackey you ride in back. Test his oxygen level but I’d say it's full blown strider at this point. Kidd drive Mackey and him to 61.” Mackey hops in and we help stabilize the gurney. I turn to see Kidd in the front seat and she salutes me with a huge grin on her face. _What is up with people today?_ I shake my head again trying to explain their behavior but I can’t.

I turn to go back to assessing who we still have here, but Severide stops me beaming, “Good job Commander Brett.” I blink again. _Seriously what the hell is the matter with everyone._ I feel my mouth open and close to start asking him what he means when I hear Capp yell for my assistance.

I run and find another man coming out who has a deep laceration on his side. I grab gauze and a few other items and run up closer so I can dress it quickly. What I missed in all the craziness was Boden shouting for everyone to get out, since the structure was no longer stable. All of a sudden, I feel someone launch me a few feet to the right before part of the structure gives way.

Eyes closed, I fall on my back and hear glass rain down all around me. One of the guys is on top of my shielding me from it. Once the clinking of glass stops, I look up to see Matt. And my breathe catches. So does his. This is almost the exact same position we were in a little over twelve hours ago. Time stops for a few seconds and his gaze pierces mine and I can feel his need to talk with me. But like before, I sit up to put some space between us. He puts his hand on my cheek looking to make sure I’m all right. But this is too much too fast since last night so I push him off me and stand. “Uh…thanks Casey.”

His hand goes to the back of his head and he rubs it. “Uh yeah…uh…anytime Brett.” I start to nod and look away from his eyes, which always draw my focus, to see he has a cut right below his eye. Probably from the glass as it looks fresh.

I step forward to get a closer look and put my hand on his face. He inhales quickly at the contact, probably feeling the zing of electricity I felt when he did the same. Chemistry is definitely not something we lack. “Um…you have a cut right below your eye.” Stepping back Capp catches my eye and points to the patient I was supposed to be treating. “I need to take care of a patient over there. Have a seat and I’ll send someone to you shortly.”

I turn around and walk away from him, feeling a myriad of emotions. Exhilarated. Heartbroken. Safe. Insecure. Happy. Sad. Loved? But that last one is just an illusion. Because that isn’t what he feels for me. He may be attracted to me, but it isn’t love. Right? Most of all I just feel confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the chapter says, she is already a natural. Please writers! If you for some reason found yourself reading my fanfiction, PLEASE give her a promotion!
> 
> Thank you all for continuing to read and please let me know what you think! Comments really give me inspiration and energy to keep writing and since I still have five hours before I need to turn in...you might get a chapter by the end of the night.


	8. Clarification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire at an office building proves a lot to the house, and to Matt. A hard talk has to happen and leaves a lot up in the air. The first of the guests walks into House 51.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support! A promise is a promise, so here is another chapter! Know it is probably the last one you are getting until Sunday because I have to get some of my own paperwork done. 
> 
> Please enjoy and comment to let me know how you feel about it!

I’m not going to think about what Cruz said. I can’t imagine 51 without Sylvie. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go from this firehouse. I’ve started to imagine the house without Mouch, he’s nearing retirement. Boden and Herman aren’t too far behind. As much as he says he doesn’t want to go to OFI, I can see Severide taking over and leading it next week. He'd be amazing at it. I can see everyone in the house gone for multiple reasons, but we would still have 51. We would figure out a way to soldier on.

But not her. I won’t let myself imagine it. We’ve been that house. When she went to Fowlerton I experienced a life without Sylvie Brett. 51 without Sylvie Brett. It isn’t something I care to remember. It isn’t something I want to imagine happening. This house lost every ray of sunshine it had. I don’t think she knows how much light she brings to those around her.

When the bells ring, it’s almost like we’re all thankful for them because we were starting to imagine a world we didn’t want to be in. Racing to 81 I see Severide and Brett leaving the back of the ambo. Severide is jostling her hair and I hear a laugh from Brett as she kicks him. She says something about him being a good cuddler and I almost stop in my place. But then our eyes meet and she starts her walk to the front of the ambo. Driver’s side so I get to walk next to her.

I saw the hurt in her eyes last night and I see it now. _I never meant to hurt you Sylvie._ She climbs in and I beg her to talk after we get back. She nods and it allows me to breathe better than I have since last night. I try to get my head back in the game as we ride to the fire. Before we even approach, I can tell it’s going to be a bad one. I hop out and see Boden pushing her to radio in the EMS plan. I grin because even though we may lose her from 51, he can’t wait to see her in action. In a place she is supposed to be, it’s not the first time I’ve heard her on the radio giving orders but I’ve never had the opportunity to stop and watch her do it. She’s over before I know it, being brief and swift in what needs to be done. Something a first responder _needs_ to do, but leadership _has_ to.

I break my eyes away from her to start issuing my commands and then head towards the building. We drop down to mask up and before I do I look up to see her staring at me. This isn’t the first time this has happened. But now I know I’m not imaging the feelings behind her eyes. She nods and then her mouth moves. It’s unbelievable. After all I’ve put her through in the last twelve hours, she still tells me to be safe. And I’m going to, because we have a lot to discuss. I agree and nod my head, then put my mask on and get to work.

Soon I hear Boden telling the fireground that AC Derrick isn’t coming in so Brett is Acting AC. I smile because this isn’t a coincidence. This is Hatcher and Boden giving her a chance to prove to their superiors that this is the right call. But more than that, it’s a chance for her to see she can do it. I recognize that we share that insecurity. Severide’s right, sometimes I don’t feel deserving or that I’m enough for what people expect. _Wait. Is that why she asked that last night?_ _Why didn’t I see that before?_

I haven’t dealt with my feelings with Gabby. I know that. But I never meant for her to think she wasn’t enough. She is way more than just enough. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and then some. Why couldn’t I have let her know that?

Gallo and I find a woman right near the fire and we bring her out. Brett is quick and professional and has eyes only for the patient. I’d expect nothing less. I give her a little information to help her and she listens and adjusts accordingly. She doesn’t even put up a small fight, disregarding what I have to say because like she knows better than I do. Something that Dawson did countless times. On and off the fireground.

_God, I screwed up._ I grab Gallo and we go back in. We’re close to getting everyone out. Squad is finishing on the fourth and we just need to make sure we get those on the fifth down. As we descend from five, I make a vow to explain as much as I can to her. I know I’m probably going to have a hard time getting the words out, but we’ve always been able to talk before. Why would this be different? _It’s just the most important talk you’re ever going to have with her. The one where you beg her to reconsider._

I might have messed this up beyond repair. She might decide not to listen. My main obstacle is going to be explaining my confusion about Gabby. But I know I can prove my feelings to her with time. But what happens if this job comes with the stipulation that she has to leave 51. How can I prove to her anything without time? I’ve taken for granted the time I could have spent with her.

I head out with the last few people from the fifth floor and see her. She’s eyeing Stella and then her eyes find mine. She shouts, with such authority in her voice that I can’t help but smile “M—Casey I need Kidd. Now. Can you spare her?”

Collecting myself from the vision in front of me, “Uh yeah…yes.”

She then starts speaking in a firm steady voice into her radio. She clarifies her need for more ambos, then directs Kidd to drive 61. She does all of this while intubating the victim in front of her while walking backwards. _God this woman is incredible._ I see her and know. No matter what, she has to take this promotion. Chicago needs Commander Brett.

Boden orders everyone out and I head back towards the building and do a quick sweep to make sure 51 and all civilians are out and out of the way. Capp is coming down with a victim that's in need of a medic. I know a few firefighters are helping out but the only person here to treat him best is Brett. And that’s when I see her and hear the building creak. I know what that means so I launch myself at her. Having her in my arms again feels surreal, but she leaves them much too quickly. I’m going to make this right. I’m going to prove to her that there was never a choice in the question she asked. Not even close.

* * *

We get back around noon. The house is subdued because Boden called Hatcher to debrief him on how he thought Brett did, but also to ask what this promotion means for where she would be stationed. The plan is to ask her to take over AC Derrick’s command and he is stationed out of 92. It makes sense since that house has two ambulances. Apparently, AC Derrick is close to retirement anyway, so they figured she could learn directly from him and then he can finish his time at the academy. When Boden asked if she could possibly stay at 51 Hatcher didn’t say no, but just that he’d consider it. It is the same district after all. She’d still be able to oversee the same high-response calls.

She gets back around four. Everyone else got back around two, but she had to stay until everyone was cared for and then she had to debrief with Hatcher. Hatcher followed her in with a smile, which was creepy to be honest. He's actually smiling frequently, which just isn't okay. In his hands he had half of the paperwork that Brett, as acting AC, would be expected to complete. Brett had the other half and looks dazed, but at the same time determined to get it done.

Being promoted comes with more paperwork. Something everyone's teased me about. Including Sylvie. Lately she keeps saying ‘wait until you’re chief’. Which is thankfully not ever going to happen. Stella made the good point that ambo’s paperwork is always more detailed due to medical jargon and the need to document as much as possible to avoid a law suit. She’s going to have as much, if not more than I have.

Once Hatcher leaves, I give her time to work on her paperwork. She’ll need a break later so we can talk then. _Wait._ I realize she never made it in for breakfast, we all skipped lunch, and dinner is being served early. I make her a plate, getting only the things I know she loves, and make sure to grab her favorite gummy worms she hides behind the lima beans. I find the paperwork in the blue room, but she’s not there. I do a sweep around the house and find her on her bunk.

She’s on the phone. “Mom, for the last time. Everything is fine. There is no reason for you to come into town…” Well except for her promotion ceremony. I know Stella’s already called them. “…How can you tell from my voice?...I promise you mom, you’re hearing what you want to hear. Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get back to this paperwork from a call... I had to act as lead so I have more than I’ve ever had to do. Charts to review and approve for ninety-seven people. So I really should get back to it…I…Mom I need to…Yes, hi dad I’m fine.” The exasperated tone in her voice is cute. She is so close with them

But I know she is dreading the stack of reports that awaits her. I probably understand it more than anyone in this firehouse, except Boden. Turning the corner now in full view of her I say loud enough for her parents to hear, “Hey Brett! Do you have that first report done yet? Chief needs to approve it.”

She gives me a small smile before redirecting her attention to her phone, “Oh see! Sorry dad but I need to go get this done quickly. I’ll call you after shift tomorrow okay? But after I get some sleep because this shift has already been exhausting and it’s not even over… I will…I promise…Okay, love you, bye…Yes love you too mom. Bye.” Disconnecting the call she says, full of frustration, she flops back on the bed. “Thank you! I love my parents dearly, but anytime I need to get off the phone are the times they won’t let me!”

“Yeah it seemed like you have a lot to work on, plus you haven’t eaten today. Figured I’d provide an assist.”

She stands and shakes her hands out, like she’s letting the annoyance out and turns to me with a smile. Reaching for the plate, “Oh my God, thank you, I’m starving.” But then all of a sudden she stops and remembers. God that look is devastating. “Uh…thank you Matt. I did want to get off the phone with them, but uh I actually have until next shift to complete the paperwork since 61 is still in service. This isn’t something that normally happens. Hatcher said this is a rarity that a PIC has to take command and he doesn’t want me to stress out too much…I uh actually was trying to get off the phone with them so I could come and find you…”

“Oh. Uh…” Damn she keeps surprising me. After taking command of a scene at a moment's notice and being loaded down with paperwork before getting food or taking what appears to be any type of break, she comes to me to have a talk we're both scared to have. She never runs away from anything.

“Matt you’re right we need to just talk. Can we go to your quarters? I’d rather not have the whole house hear.”

“Yeah. Yeah…uh after you.” I follow her to my office and shut the door behind me. She sets her plate down on the desk. And walks away towards my bed. She seems to be trying to get out nervous energy because she is pacing and playing with her watch band. I know that’s her nervous tell but I’ve never seen her hold onto it so tightly. “Sylvie I…”

She stops me, “No Matt. I know what you’re going to say and it’s okay. I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that. I…I knew better and I just let my feelings take over. I know we have—” motioning her hand between us, “—some kind of…of chemistry. And I get that that’s probably all it is to you and—”

“No Sylvie. No you’re wrong. It’s more than that. My feelings for you. They’re real. Regardless of Gabby.”

She closes her eyes briefly and then looks at me with eyes almost pleading for me to understand. “There is no regardless of Gabby. That’s the point.”

I feel my head fall, I know I’m not doing this well. “Sylvie I…I’m not good at this. I…you caught me off guard last night.” I look up and meet her eyes. “Sylvie, I haven’t dealt with a lot of my past. I’ve buried it. My failed relationship with Gabby was one of them. I hurt for so long after that, and then I decided to just stop focusing on her. That is until she came back…I thought I got closure that night. But I didn’t. I…I’m trying to figure this out. I want to figure this out. But I know I wouldn’t go with her or get back together with her. I don’t want that.”

“Then you need to figure it out Matt. I…I can’t always think she’s there in the back of your mind. I…” She stops and breathes hard and all I want to do is reach out to her. Putting up a finger she signals to me she needs for me to wait. After another deep breath, “Matt I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for a while now. But the biggest thing stopping me, besides not knowing how you felt, was Gabby. That you would never choose me over her. Because no one has ever done that for me. I’m always second. Second to something else they want. And I’ve been in Gabby’s shadow for most of my time at 51. I can’t do that here. I won’t do that here. Matt I want you to figure it out.” A few tears fall from her eyes and I have to ball up my hands to not reach out and hold her. “Because I just want you to be happy. No matter what you decide.”

How does she expect me to not hold her after that? I wrap my arms around her and feel her sink into them. She lets out a few more tears on my neck, “Sylvie I’ve never compared you to Gabby. It’s no contest. I can’t imagine my life without you. But I need to figure out how to deal with all that history. I…I don’t deserve you yet. But I’m going to work on it, so I can try to be what you want and deserve.” She lifts her head up and I wipe away the few tears left in her eyes. “Will you let me prove that to you?”

Putting some distance between us, she wipes off the rest of her face. “Only if you talk with me while you work through it. And I…If you change your mind, please be honest with me like you were last night.”

“I will always be honest with you. And I know you are who I want. I’ll work on explaining how I’m thinking or feeling. I’ve never really done that before. The few times I have it wasn’t…it didn’t ever work…I…I was never feeling what I was supposed to be feeling.”

“Matt, no. No, I get how you might think that.” She goes to touch my cheek but stops herself and takes a step back. “I’m not going to tell you how you’re supposed to feel or what you’re supposed to want. That’s not up to me. What’s up to me is how I listen or how I respond. And I’m not going to ever tell you that your opinion doesn’t matter. So be honest with me.”

“Sylvie Brett, I want to be the man that you deserve. I just need a little time to figure out how to be that for you…”

A corner of her mouth lifts. The beginning of a smile. “Okay Matt Casey. I’ll let you prove it to me.”

I smile back at her and see a possibility in her eyes. And I hope I don’t ruin it. “Ugh…I think I remember you saying something about being hungry. Do you want to go back out and eat in the common room? Since you don’t have to worry about that paperwork just yet?”

“That sounds like a great idea. I feel like I haven’t really seen anyone today.”

“Oh and uh...” I pull the gummy worms out of my pocket, “I figured after the day you had you needed some of these.”

I then get the full Sylvie smile and know that I am going to do everything in my power to keep it there. “You’re right Matt. I definitely need these.”

Feeling the smile tug at my own face, we start heading towards the common room. We eat with the rest of 51. Everyone is looking at Brett and hoping this isn’t the last time we get to eat with her before it all changes. Before she could possibly move houses.

It’s getting late and miraculously we haven’t gotten another call. Herman’s theory has always been right. The best shifts start out with a call during breakfast. Cruz suggests a movie and everyone is fighting between options when the doors open wide and we hear, “I’m back baby!”

Most of us know that voice. And we all get up to greet him. Sylvie was standing in the kitchen, but when she hears that voice she squeals, runs and jumps on the intruder. “Peter Mills!”


	9. The Adventures of Sylvie Brett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie reflects on the talk in Matt’s office. But then a visit from an old friend brings up more history and memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Okay so I knew I wanted to get Peter back to 51, but then I realized there was so much to catch everybody up on. We will hear all about each character’s personal lives when they get to Molly’s after shift. So this is more of a tribute to the badass Sylvie Brett on some of the most dangerous and interesting calls. Calls which the rest of the house (including Matt) hasn’t heard of, more than likely. 
> 
> Sorry about taking an extra day than planned, but I wrote way more than I ever planned to last week and I was exhausted. And had to get caught up on work. :(

This day isn’t even halfway over and I could sleep for the next week. I’ve always had an AC come and take over within an hour, tops. I have to admit, I did do pretty well. Down the road I’d always thought I’d teach at the academy, but this was pretty empowering too. It definitely took my mind off the last twenty-four hours. Well for a while. But when I got back to the house I felt strength to get this conversation with Matt over with.

When we enter his office he starts to apologize, and I just don’t want to hear the rejection. So I interrupt, “No Matt. I know what you’re going to say and it’s okay. I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that. I…I knew better and I just let my feelings take over.” I really did and that was my first mistake. Allowing myself to not keep it back any longer. I start to motion between us, “I know we have some kind of…of chemistry. And I get that’s all it is to you and—”

“No Sylvie. No, you’re wrong. It’s more than that. My feelings for you. They’re real. Regardless of Gabby.”

He started with everything I wanted to hear. But then he said something that I can’t ignore. “There is no regardless of Gabby. That’s the point.”

I can see it in his eyes before his head falls, he is so confused. “Sylvie I…I’m not good at this. I…you caught me off guard last night. Sylvie, I haven’t dealt with a lot of my past. I’ve buried it. My failed relationship with Gabby was one of them. I hurt for so long after that, and then I decided to just stop focusing on her. That is until she came back…I thought I got closure that night. But I didn’t. I…I’m trying to figure this out. I want to figure this out. But I know I wouldn’t go with her or get back together with her. I don’t want that.” I hear his words, but more than that I see his expressions. Last night his look was blank. That’s what hurt most was the walls he put up. But this one reflects what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to open up. At least I think so.

It gives me so much hope. I beg him, “Then you need to figure it out Matt. I…I can’t always think she’s there in the back of your mind. I…” I stop reminding myself what I felt just a few hours ago. I pause him so I can collect that strength I felt. When I find my voice again, I use that strength, “Matt I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for a while now. But the biggest thing stopping me, besides not knowing how you felt, was Gabby. That you would never choose me over her. Because no one has ever done that for me. I’m always second. Second to something else they want. And I’ve been in Gabby’s shadow for most of my time at 51. I can’t do that here. I won’t do that here.”

I see partial understanding in his eyes and I’ve done what I needed to do. I told him what I need. His eyes give him away though. I’ve stared into those eyes so much over the last few months. I see the guilt reflected there and that’s not what I want. Even with all the heartbreak over the last day, I still can’t stand to see him in pain, and guilt is something he already uses against himself. I don’t want that for him and I feel my eyes tearing up in response to the hurt I know he’s directing inward, “Matt, I want you to figure it out. Because I just want you to be happy. No matter what you decide.”

And then I feel him embrace me and all I can do is bury myself into his arms. They still make me feel so safe. How can I feel so heartbroken and still so complete when he has me in his arms? This is too complicated and it’s just a lost cause. I feel my tears still spilling as he holds me closer and whispers earnestly, “Sylvie I’ve never compared you to Gabby. It’s no contest. I can’t imagine my life without you. But I need to figure out how to deal with all that history. I…I don’t deserve you yet. But I’m going to work on it, so I can try to be what you want and deserve.” That’s not what...Wait. _He wants to move on? He wants this? Me?_ I look up at him in surprise and I feel his hands so delicately wipe away my tears. “Will you let me prove that to you?”

I put a few steps between us to process. He wants to figure his history out. Okay yes, he needs to and I want him to do that for himself. And he’s already what I want. But he wants to be what I deserve? He's willing to work to prove it to me. If anyone could it’s Matt. I don’t know what it would take to do that but if he did than he's more than I deserve. But I don’t want him to leave me out of it. I need to know where his head's at and I still want my best friend. I can give him a chance, if he can do that. I wipe my face off and tell him, “Only if you talk with me while you work through it. And I…If you change your mind, please be honest with me like you were last night.”

“I will always be honest with you. And I know you are who I want. I’ll work on explaining how I’m thinking or feeling. I’ve never really done that before. The few times I have it wasn’t…it didn’t ever work…I…I was never feeling what I was supposed to be feeling.”

I know he doesn’t mean to compare us, he said as much, but she’s the example he’s always had. Well at least the one I know of. I was never there for Hallie. But I'm not going to be the one making the decisions. I want a partner, and I know ultimately he does too. But he needs to know what that looks like to me. “Matt, no. No, I get how you might think that. I’m not going to tell you how you’re supposed to feel or what you’re supposed to want. That’s not up to me. What’s up to me is how I listen or how I respond. And I’m not going to ever tell you that your opinion doesn’t matter. So be honest with me.”

“Sylvie Brett, I want to be the man that you deserve. I just need a little time to figure out how to be that for you…”

I never stood a chance with this man. I trust him. I never lost that. If this is what he says he is going to do, then he’ll do it. I also know his feelings have to be real for him to voice them. I’ll guard my heart a little, because he may find out things, when confronting his past, that he still wants. But I also know he’ll tell me and not string me along. He'll be honest with me. Severide's right, I also have to let myself be happy. So I’m going to rely on my faith in second chances. “Okay Matt Casey. I’ll let you prove it to me.”

* * *

Talking with Matt brought more relief than I anticipated. We have a lot up in the air, but we still have a friendship. I…I can work with that. I need him in my life, even if it’s just as friends. The house has been quiet since our morning call. Emily texted saying she’s running a little late, but the rest of the house seems to be needing a day to be with each other. I don’t remember the last time we had a day like today, but chores are done, everything’s stocked and it's only a little after dinner.

We're trying to decide what movie to watch when I hear a voice I haven’t heard in a long time say, “I’m back baby!” Oh my God! No way! I turn and am thrilled to see that my eyes see what my ears heard! I emit a squeal I don’t think I’ve ever used and run around the counter and to the entrance. I launch myself at him putting my arms around his neck for a huge hug. Like the coordinated former Squad guy, he catches me and squeezes me tight. I’ve missed his hugs. “Peter Mills!”

I hear and feel him laugh, “Sylvie Brett!”

God I’ve missed him so much! He sets me down and I playfully slap him in the chest, “What are you doing here?”

With his eyes twinkling down at me he melts my heart, “I missed my partner.” I envelope him in another hug squeezing him for all he’s worth. He holds onto me tight. Then he winks at me and continues, “I also thought you all needed to remember what a _real_ Squad member looks like.” All the Squad guys come up to give him those manly hugs where no one actually embraces.

“Good to see you man!” Severide exclaims as they slap each other’s backs.

“Glad to see you could finally make it to town…I mean we enjoyed your wedding gift but it would’ve been nice if you’d brought it in person.” Cruz punches his arm.

“Honestly Cruz I wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend the money on airfare. Didn’t know if it would stick.” They then mimic boxers in the ring before Mills slaps him on the back. “Honestly man, I wish I’d been able to come out. I can’t wait to meet her.” He then turns more serious and a little emotional, “…And that I couldn’t make it back for Otis’s funeral. I saw the memorial and was wondering if someone could take me to the graveside while I’m here?”

Joe and I connect eyes and then nod our heads at Peter. I reach in for another hug and let him know, “We can go tomorrow. Will you still be here?”

“I’m here for the next five days. Plenty of time.”

Matt walks up and shakes Mills hand, Mouch and Herman following his lead. “So kid what brings you back to town?”

We then hear the doors open behind us and Emily rolls in with donuts as promised. “Hey 51! Miss me?”

“Uh yeah. Yeah we did, but I think this guy was gone for a little longer.” Ritter hugs her but then, like everyone else new since Mills left, they turn questioning eyes towards him. 

I look around and realize it's only Squad, Herman, Mouch, Matt and myself that would know who Peter is. It’s crazy to me so many people in the room don’t know him. He was a big part of my life her at 51. I basically started my career here with him. I hook an arm around him and present him to the rest of 51. “Everyone this is the infamous Peter Mills. A former member of Truck, Squad and my partner my first year on Ambo.”

“Damn girl. You’ve told me plenty of stories about Mills, but never that he was this attractive. Why didn’t you try to make it more than partners.” I feel my blush cover my face and bring my hand up to my head in embarrassment. Good lord Emily. Please let’s make this more awkward for the whole house.

But as always Peter comes to the rescue, laughing loudly, “Sylvie _is_ the one that got away,” I look up at him with shock in my eyes but I see the twinkle in his eye knowing he’s teasing me and I bump his shoulder while I roll my eyes. “Plus she was too busy dating Cruz.”

“Wait what?!” “Seriously!?” “How come I didn’t know this?” Gallo, Ritter and Mackey talk over each other, shocked by this _old_ development.

“It was five years ago and we figured out fairly quickly that we were meant to be friends instead.” I explain and Cruz nods his head. “Peter Mills this is Gianna Mackey, my current partner on ambo.” I turn and realize Emily also doesn’t know her, “And Peter Mills and Gianna Mackey this is Emily Foster, my previous partner on Ambo.”

Peter shakes their hands and smirks, “Aw. So we’re the three people in the room who’ve had the pleasure of hearing Brett belt out 80’s power ballads and Taylor Swift?” My blush intensifies as the whole house laughs.

"You forget she also sings in the shower!" Cruz yells. Causing my face to redden more.

Matt catches my eye and with a smile whispers to me, “Is there any chance I may get to see that someday?”

My blush deepens to a shade closer to the color of 81 as I lift my shoulders, “That might be a possibility...I mean in the car...” Our eyes hold each other for a moment, and I force myself to look away.

Mackey laughs and pulls me back in, “Dang. No I haven’t heard that yet. But I’m definitely going to make sure this happens on our way back from our next call.”

“Despite the terrible taste in music, she’s still the most badass partner I ever had on ambo.” He winks at me, “I talked with Boden this morning and realized I had to come celebrate her once I heard.”

_Wait._ “Heard what?”

“About how my former badass partner is getting—”

The whole house seems to tense and Stella for some reason interrupts him loudly, “—More badass! I mean seriously who survives getting chased at gunpoint, goes over a guardrail and then lives to tell about it?”

I look around at everyone, “What am I missing here?”

Severide then sets me straight, “So I might have told Mills about the accident and how 61 was totaled.”

“Wait I thought he said Chief?” I interrupt, more confused than ever. I turn back to Peter and I feel my lips tug down.

“So I’ve never gotten to talk to a former partner. Tell me the wildest call you were ever on.” Foster demands. I’m not letting him get away with whatever he’s hiding, but I know Peter loves to tell a good story. Everyone starts sitting down and getting comfortable. I know exactly what he's going to say and I realize neither Stella or Emily know this. I’m going to be hounded about this later.

“Probably the call we got kidnapped on—"

All five of the newbies start talking over each other. "What the hell?!?!” “Kidnapped?!?!” “Wait what?!?!” "Like kidnapped, kidnapped?" “"Sounds like another typical day in the CFD."

“Why am I not surprised you’ve never told anyone who wasn’t in the firehouse then?”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal…”

Stella interrupts me, “Seriously Brett? Not a big deal? Girl you have some explaining to do!”

By this point everyone is sitting down but now on the edge of their seats. Even the older guys seem interested in what happened. We didn’t talk too much about the specifics back then.

“A couple of shifts before this, I lost a teenage patient. He happened to be the son of mob boss, Papa Lullo.” Everyone knows who this is and all the 'newbies' gasp. “He orchestrated a fake call and had two guys show up to take us hostage. I was the one who couldn’t revive his son and he blamed me. Sylvie was just unlucky he decided to try to get me during shift.”

I stop Mills and point my finger at him, “No. It wasn’t on either of us and we were both on that call together. And I wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone for that.” I drop my hand and realize everyone is waiting to hear more. I loop my arm through Peter’s and clearing my throat I continue, “Once they got us in the car and we started driving, Peter told me to brace myself and used his foot to trap the driver, causing him to lose control of the car and crashed into a trailer. Luckily we survived with just a few cuts and bruises, but the driver wasn’t so lucky.”

“His neck was sliced and his carotid artery was exposed, but he also had the external one that needed tied off. So at gunpoint we had to do major surgery with a box cutter in the middle of a warehouse.”

“So wait. My girl has worked under gunpoint before?” Emily asks.

Closing my eyes and putting my head on Peter’s shoulder, “Uh a few times yeah.” Really, I don’t like all this attention. I’m just doing my job. “But it’s okay. The house got there soon after.”

Cruz explains, “Well only because you are obsessed with alcohol pads.”

“Wait…I know this girl stuffs her pockets with them, but explain that Cruz.” Stella demands.

“She dropped them like breadcrumbs from the totaled vehicle to the warehouse they were in.”

“Holy shit seriously? Girl you are too smart. Is that why you now keep almost a whole box in your pockets?"

“No she was that bad then too.” Peter says smiling down at me. “But it saved our asses. After we finished our makeshift surgery, she slipped the blades out of the box cutter when our abductor wasn’t looking. She gave me one and took the other. Then the guy decided now that our job was done, he may as well kill me since the boss had been trying to figure out what happened.” He stops and pulls me in closer. “But this one used the blade to get her own plastic ties off in record time. She then went for the other one’s gun. Pointed it at the guy holding me and demanded he drop it.” While everyone gasped he ruffled my hair, “We ended up getting away with enough time for 51 and the 21st to get there.” 

“Wait. When Foster asked about gun point you said a few. So once with Mills and once, well I guess twice, with me. That’s a couple calls. How many is _a few_ times?” Mackey asks.

“Uh worked under it that was the first time and last week was the second and third…”

“But you’ve been threated more than that with one? When you were partnered with Borelli. You saw that gunshot victim be executed in front of you and that guy took your wallet saying if you talked, he knew where you lived and he’d kill you.” Cruz reminds me. Not like I could forget.

“Wait, what?” Matt asked, looking at me with worried eyes.

“Obviously I’m fine. They caught the guy and I was living with Otis and Joe not long after. It wasn’t that big of a deal.” I say which doesn’t seem to take his concern away.

Emily then snaps her fingers and points at me, “Wait. What about that time you told me about those meth dealers? Back when you were partnered with…Stew?”

I can’t help but laugh, “Actually her name was Chili.” Realizing what she said I scold, “And Emily that was discussed on girls’ night for a reason! It isn't something I wanted anyone to know. It isn't official." I say with a glare, "Remember?”

“Wait, what’s this call?” Severide says looking at me waiting for an explanation.

“Uh this one involved another warehouse. We went to go treat a guy and it turned out to be a meth lab. Come to think of it, I think they were brothers too. We told the brother with the gun that we had to take his brother to the hospital and he wasn’t a fan of that…that’s all.”

Stella snorts, “Girl, Emily and I were both sober enough to remember that isn’t quite all that happened…”

God this was the stupidest I’ve ever been on a call. “Fine, Mackey this was incredibly stupid, and if you ever do it I’ll report you…But uh…I walked up to him and told him if he was going to shoot me then do it.’”

“Jesus Brett. Is that all?” Severide says with wide eyes, looking like a concerned older brother.

“All with guns, yeah.”

“Yeah what people in firehouses don’t realize is paramedics have the day to day scary. Sure I had some dangerous Squad and Truck rescues, but I definitely looked death more in the face as a paramedic.” Peter then snorts, “Remember that naked bodybuilder?”

Emily holds up her hands, “Wait, you’ve had two?”

I lower my head and Peter answers, “Well I ended up in a chokehold in the back of ambo and this one going against regulations, sedated the guy from behind. Really saved my ass. First time I realized she was Chicago tough.” He grins down at me. It’s true, we really became partners after that call. He looks back up at Emily, “What was the one you were on?”

“Not near as life and death. She just told the officer if he wasn’t cuffed, we weren’t getting involved.” I pray she stops there, but I should know my best friend wasn’t going to let it go unsaid, “And of course she caught the attention of a bystander who tried to help and she should have married. He wouldn’t stop flirting with her and when she went back with Julie, he asked her out. Julie and I agreed, she should have said yes. It was a match made in heaven.” Everyone gave her and I questioning eyes, to which she laughed, “He was a realtor.”

My obsession with HGTV is well known and everyone started giving me a hard time for not saying yes. Except for Matt of course. He was on my other side and when I peeked to see how he was taking all of this, I almost choked. He was giving me a look I’d seen on his face before, but I still can’t place it. It isn’t jealousy or anything. It looks like it has been settled on his face for a few moments now. The look makes my heart beat faster and just seems to radiate something positive. His eyes are soft and I can feel compassion in it. But I feel like there is more there than I understand. We’ll have to talk about that later.

“Alright. Story time about me is over. Start talking about Squad calls or something.”

“Come on Sylvie. I have to brag about my badass partner.” Peter says nudging me.

“Seriously Brett. I know I’ve only been here for a year, and I knew you were fearless and good at your job. But these stories are another level. Why are they just now giving you a medal?” My head whips to Gallo’s and his eyes close, “Oh crap…”

“Wait a medal? Gallo?” He won’t open his eyes and I look around the room. The house avoids my eyes and no one seems to want to answer for him. “What is going on here?” No one is looking at me so I stand with my arms crossed and wait until someone does.

Severide turns to me after an awkward moment. “After the Halleck call, Boden put in for a commendation. Ceremony is next shift.”

Nope. Nope. “Oh no. No, no, no.”

Stella laughs, “Sylvie you don’t really get to turn down a medal.”

“There are plenty of people who do actual brave things that deserve one far more than I do.”

Boden speaks up from behind me, “Brett I’ve been reading your incident reports for years now. The stories everyone was talking about are only a piece of how brave and selfless you are during calls. All paramedics have tough calls, but you handle them differently. You always, without any hesitation, put the patient or your partner first. With Halleck it was both.”

“Chief I...I appreciate…but I can’t…I don’t...”

“It wasn’t just my call. Your brass all decided it was more than deserved. Brett let us celebrate your work, because it deserves to be celebrated. Hatcher will be by around noon next shift to go over the details. Have your dress blues ready.” And Boden walked out giving me no chance to argue with him more, which I still feel I need to.

Feeling the impending nerves overwhelm me, I turn to look at my 51 family. “Surprise?” Mackey says sheepishly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again my girl is badass!
> 
> Side note/question...Can anyone tell me if Gabby was ever threatened with a gun? Besides that incident with Shay and the gang war?


	10. In Awe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt’s perspective on story time, followed by an important conversation in the blue room.

She crashes into him and they both laugh as Mills exclaims, “Sylvie Brett!”

I’m happy to see her full bright smile, but for some reason the arrival of Peter Mills unsettles me. Last time we saw each other Gabby and I were having communication issues. Gabby confided in him, not me. It was the first of many times she chose to not confide in me. That wasn’t Mills fault, but it’s a reminder of a relationship flaw. One that was never really a secret.

And I’m not a jealous guy. Well not intentionally. But seeing him put a full smile on Sylvie’s face scares me. Hold on, I don’t want to compare her and Gabby, and here I am making her Gabby. I’m not going to do that. She’s different and she already confides in me. She gives her heart so freely. Not just to me, but all her friends.

Everyone says hi to Mills and I shake his hand. Then the door opens and Foster enters and Sylvie introduces Mills to everyone not here when he was. While I like Foster because she is such a good friend to Sylvie, I know she’s in protective mode. And she knows how to twist the knife it seems, as she says “Damn girl. You’ve told me plenty of stories about Mills, but never that he was this attractive. Why didn’t you try to make it more than partners?” I feel Emily’s smirk as she looks at me. Her eyebrow is quirked to say, _'You messed up and I’m going to remind you of it at every opportunity.’_ I don’t need to just prove my feeling to Sylvie, but also to Stella and Emily.

Sylvie blushes and hides her face. I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing. I try to get her eyes to meet mine, but Mills stops me when he says, “Sylvie _is_ the one that got away.” I almost panic, until I see him chuckle and Sylvie roll her eyes. I relax, knowing this isn’t going to turn into a competition.

Really it's an opportunity to learn more about Sylvie when she was new to 51 and wasn’t as close to Gabby yet. Honestly I never really noticed her outside of calls. Further proof I've been an idiot. Introductions are still going around and Mills quickly drops the first bit of information as he teases her, “Aw. So we’re the three people in the room who’ve had the pleasure of hearing Brett belt out 80’s power ballads and Taylor Swift?”

"You forget she also sings in the shower!" Cruz yells.

God she is cute. I can already picture it. I wish she would have done something on our road trip to Rockford. I can see her pulling out something to use as a makeshift microphone; a hairbrush, a water bottle, something. I can see her not caring about what anyone thinks. She lets everyone see how cute she is, but I feel like she lets people she loves or is comfortable with, see this adorably awkward part of her. I know I let her see my awkward side. I catch her eye. God, I hope I can see this someday. I ask her if there might be a chance. And she gives me hope by letting me know it’s a possibility. She really is willing to give me a chance. I hold her gaze as long as I can, before she seems to remember where we are. But just those few seconds and I can see another piece of our future. Maybe someday she’ll do it when we’re on a road trip to see Amelia or to go home to her parents.

It’s interesting because Gabby never talked about this, and she would have. Maybe I’m wrong in how close they were. The fact that Foster and Mills have seen this, shows how comfortable she is with them and the level of trust they had in each other to be themselves. I know she was the closest to Emily. Those two complement each other. But I never noticed her with Mills. Maybe the difference in her relationship with Gabby, is that unlike Mills and Foster, Gabby would never have let herself be silly like that.

I shake my head to remind myself to stop contemplating. Something I feel I’ve done with increasing frequency the last few months when it comes to Sylvie Brett. When I come back to reality, Mills is unnecessarily reminding the house how badass she is, but then almost lets the cat out of the bag. “I talked with Boden this morning and realized I had to come celebrate her once I heard.” The whole house begins to try to cover or gloss over what he said. Everyone does a terrible job and it’s almost funny.

But Foster saves us all by asking, what their craziest call was. Those of us that were here five years ago all know it has to be the kidnapping. That makes sense as to why they’re so close. They truly survived together. Every time I go into a building with my crew, I know we grow closer too. When everyone hears the word kidnapping the questions start flying. And just like we’d all expect of Sylvie Brett, she down plays it. “It wasn’t that big of a deal…”

Thankfully Stella won’t let her get away with it, and pushes for details. Come to think of it, I don’t really know them. I was only a lieutenant then and neither were on truck so I wasn’t involved in the paperwork afterwards. I knew the part I was involved in, but I have no idea what happened in that warehouse before we got there. No one wanted to really push on details then. It was fresh trauma and there was a police investigation. No one wanted to make them relive it over and over again.

Mills explains the events that led up to it and expresses how it was his fault. Sylvie won’t let him do that and I fall in love with her a little more. She truly sees a partnership as going through things together. She told me that earlier, and it seems she practices that as a partner on ambo too. She gets to the part of the story I know nothing about, “Once they got us in the car and we started driving, Mills told me to brace myself and used his foot to trap the driver, causing him to lose control of the car and crashed into a trailer. Luckily, we survived with just a few cuts and bruises, but the driver wasn’t so lucky.” Thank you Peter Mills for protecting the love of my life. Five years before I even knew it.

Mills continues the story, but soon Emily interrupts him, “So wait. My girl has worked under gunpoint before?”

Well yeah, those two times. But apparently, I’m wrong because Sylvie’s answer terrifies me, “Uh a few times yeah.” She didn’t say a couple. That’s what she should have said. The kidnapping and Halleck. Not a few. I want a number. _How could I have known her for six years and not known there have been more than two times she looked down the barrel of a gun?_ I’m about to ask her, but as always, she praises someone else in a situation that she survived. “But it’s okay. The house got there soon after.”

Cruz explains, “Well only because you are obsessed with alcohol pads.”

“Wait…I know this girl stuffs her pockets with them, but explain that Cruz.” Stella demands.

“She dropped them like breadcrumbs from the totaled vehicle to the warehouse they were in.” I know Gabby figured it out, but I never stopped to realize that Sylvie was the one who thought of it. In a moment when two men had a gun to her head, she stayed calm under the pressure but still fought by thinking a step ahead of them.

“Holy shit seriously? Girl you are too smart...” Stella’s assessment is one hundred percent accurate.

Mills confirms this too, “…it saved our asses. After we finished our makeshift surgery, she slipped the blades out of the box cutter when our abductor wasn’t looking. She gave me one and took the other.” Okay not one step but two steps ahead. “Then the guy decided now that our job was done, he may as well kill me since the boss had been trying to figure out what happened.” Mills stops and pulls Sylvie closer. Then he describes a scene from an action movie or tv show, “But this one used the blade to get her own plastic ties off in record time. She then went for the other one’s gun. Pointed it at the guy holding me and demanded he drop it.”

And that’s the moment all of us old timers got it wrong. We realize that it wasn’t the squad guy that saved the day and got them away, but our bright blue-eyed novice paramedic. She couldn’t have been there for even four months then. Damn she’s always been impressive, but how come none of us recognized this then. I look towards Cruz and realize he knew the whole story. No wonder he was in infatuated with her then and always has been.

Mackey brings us back to the question I wanted to ask, proving to me that Brett needs to keep her on 61. “Wait. When Foster asked about gun point you said a few. So once with Mills and once, well I guess twice, with me. That’s a couple calls. How many is _a few_ times?”

And of course, Sylvie tries to brush past it, “Uh worked under it that was the first time and last week was the second and third…”

Cruz adds another story that I wasn’t clued in on, “But you’ve been threatened more than those two times. When you were partnered with Borelli. You saw that gunshot victim be executed in front of you and that guy took your wallet saying if you talked, he knew where you lived and he’d kill you.”

Somehow, he takes the air out of my lungs and brings me back to a day and situation I wasn’t even a part of. My imagination runs wild and I can see a shooter with her in his sights and I feel horrified, “Wait, what?” I question.

The whole house seems to be on edge and Sylvie tries to calm us down, “Obviously I’m fine. They caught the guy and I was living with Otis and Joe not long after. It wasn’t that big of a deal.” She doesn’t seem to take anyone’s concern away. I can promise her she didn’t take mine.

Emily then snaps her fingers and points at her, “Wait. What about that time you told me about those meth dealers? Back when you were partnered with…Stew?”

Brett laughs at the fact the name was wrong, but no one else who knows the error does. Because this proves there were five times. Sylvie gets frustrated because apparently this wasn’t a call that ever made it’s way into a report “…Emily that was discussed on girls’ night for a reason! It isn't something I wanted anyone to know. It isn't official. Remember?”

“Wait, what’s this call?” Severide voices the question on all of our tongues.

“Uh this one involved another warehouse. We went to go treat a guy and it turned out to be a meth lab. Come to think of it, I think they were brothers too. We told the brother with the gun that we had to take his brother to the hospital and he wasn’t a fan of that…that’s all.”

Stella snorts, “Girl, Emily and I were both sober enough to remember that isn’t quite all that happened…”

“Fine, Mackey this was incredibly stupid, and if you ever do it I’ll report you…But uh…I walked up to him and told him if he was going to shoot me then do it.’”

“Jesus Brett. Is that all?” Severide says with wide eyes I know I share. _How? How did none of us know this? And when was this? Why did she ask this?_ I don’t understand what caused her to be so reckless. That’s not the Sylvie I know. There has to be more to the story. _What had to be going on to encourage this?_

“All with guns, yeah.”

Christ, the flippant way she says that just shows all of us that we don’t get the job of a paramedic at all. And Mills confirms it, “Yeah what people in firehouses don’t realize is paramedics have the day to day scary. Sure I had some dangerous Squad and Truck rescues, but I definitely looked death more in the face as a paramedic.”

I know Gabby told me stories and she wasn’t modest when she did something brave. Neither was Shay. Or Mills. I think Hatcher hit the nail on the head. Mills and Dawson were outspoken. Nothing wrong with it, it was just a part of who they were. They did incredible things and enjoyed telling stories about it like us firefighters. Probably because that’s what they were and they felt apart of that group.

But looking around the room I see us old guys come to terms with the fact that we never really heard stories when the rest of our paramedics were there. Sure, Sylvie’s had other outspoken partners since then, but like truck doesn’t know all of squad’s calls or squad’s all of engine’s, we do get lost in our own calls. The sheer number of ambo’s calls in comparison is also disproportional. But I don’t think we ever stopped to think of all the ones we missed out on. Partly because Sylvie is modest to a fault. And apparently, we somehow missed out on _a lot_ of chilling stories.

_How is she still so bright? How has she been through all that?_ And since only three of six partners are here, I guarantee we don’t know of others. _How can she still have a positive outlook on life and humanity?_ I already knew she was smart and brave and strong. _But how come I never saw the magnitude to which she was?_ The world underestimates her. 51 underestimated her. Except for her partners. It explains why Mills caught the first plane off the coast to get here as soon as he could. She deserves and has earned everything she's going to get in the next few days.

Mills eyes somehow find mine. He quirks his brow and the edge of his mouth turns up. It's such a knowing look and I realize I must be obvious in my adoration. In my awe of this incredible woman. He smirks, then turns his head to everyone and continues with another call they faced. “Remember that naked bodybuilder?”

Emily holds up her hands, “Wait, you’ve had two?” _Do I even want to know?_ Who am I kidding. Yes. Yes I do. 

“Well I ended up in a chokehold in the back of ambo and this one going against regulations, sedated the guy from behind. Really saved my ass. First time I realized she was Chicago tough.” He grins down at her and I feel my heart continue to swell with pride. Pete then questions Foster, “What was the one you were on?”

“Not near as life and death. She just told the officer if he wasn’t cuffed, we weren’t getting involved.” I then get another look from Foster and know that she is trying to goad me and remind me what I can lose. “And of course, she caught the attention of a bystander who tried to help and she should have married. He wouldn’t stop flirting with her and when she went back with Julie, he asked her out. Julie and I agreed, she should have said yes. It was a match made in heaven.” _Really, how?_ “He was a realtor.” Shit. She would’ve liked that. _But wait, she said no?_ Thank God. But why would she do that. If it was with Julie it was at the beginning of the year. _Does that mean she really has been thinking of me since then? Enough already to stop a potentially perfect match?_

I feel a small smile on my lips. I know I’ve felt about her then and far earlier. But I keep finding out things that make me love her even deeper. I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s beautiful, but she truly is courageous and strong. And so kind and loving. I hope I can prove to her how much I’m in awe of her. I’ve known it for a while, but she’s it for me.

**_Is it weird to say you want to be with someone because you respect her? Because you want to be like her? Because you want children who will inherit her qualities? I want to be with Sylvie because she’s the toughest human being I’ve ever met. She’s experienced blows (personal loss and dangerous situations) that would destroy most people, but she always picks herself back up. And she's never stopped loving and wishing the best for everyone._**

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at her, but she pulls me back to the present, “Alright. Story time about me is over. Start talking about Squad calls or something.”

“Come on Sylvie. I have to brag about my badass partner.” Mills says nudging her.

“Seriously Brett. I know I’ve only been here for a year, and I knew you were fearless and good at your job. But these stories are another level. Why are they just now giving you a medal?” _Dammit Gallo!_ “Oh crap…”

“Wait a medal? Gallo? What is going on here?” I stop looking at her because I don’t want to ruin the surprise. I nudge Severide to get him to do it. “After the Halleck call, Boden put in for a commendation. Ceremony is next shift.”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” Humble and selfless to a fault. I know exactly what she is thinking.

Stella laughs, “Sylvie you don’t really get to turn down a medal.”

“There are plenty of people who do actual brave things that deserve one far more than I do.”

Called it.

* * *

They convinced Mills and Foster to stay the night and everyone was up late. Celebrating and trying to convince Sylvie she deserves it. Thankfully there is still the surprise of the meritorious promotion. Both Severide, Kidd, Foster and I all threaten Gallo to keep his mouth shut on that. I remind him that both Stella and Emily have creative evil minds that could create a lot of chores for the candidate.

Stories keep getting passed around and soon it’s one in the morning and everyone realizes they need to get some sleep; in case we get called out. I decide to stay up for a little bit to get some of my paperwork done. I take one completed report, that should have been done much sooner, to the bullpen to put straight on Boden’s desk. Passing the blue office, I see the light is still on. I have a good guess as to who is in there, so I knock.

Sylvie is at the desk and has paperwork strewn all over it. She looks only a little stressed and the paperwork slightly disorganized. She’s been running her fingers through her hair and is biting the end of her pen. She stops and her bottom lip goes between her teeth and she never even looks up. “Emily I told you, I need to get this done and no we are not discussing the medal.”

Chuckling as I enter the room, I let her know, “Not Emily.”

Her head flies up. “Oh Matt. I’m sorry. The last two knocks have been Foster. Um how…how can I help you?”

“First it looks like you might need some help first. Are there any reports I can do for you?”

She gives me a sleepy smile that I would love to see every night from here on out. “Matt I appreciate that. But no. No fire grounds to assess here. Just reviewing each patient’s treatment, what level of triage they were, PIC reports and how I decided on transports. I’m finally getting a good system going, it’s just a lot.”

I grin at her, “Yeah. I think this is karma actually.” She raises her brow as I remind her, “How often do you give me crap for how much fun it must be to have to do so much paperwork.”

“Aw, but that’s where you're wrong. You have to constantly do this. Karma would be me having to always do this. But this is one and done for me. Well for now. Who knows about later in my career.”

I do my best to keep my smirk at bay. She’s going to quickly realize that later is in three days. I want to tell her, but I know she would come up with a good argument to decline and have more time to become ready to debate any attempts to convince her otherwise. No, she needs to not know until the last possible moment. Hatcher may be devious enough he might not even tell her until she’s in front of everyone while her medal is being pinned on.

But I am curious, “Where do you want your career to go?”

Her smile grows and she bites her lip again. Which is getting really distracting, but I really want to know her answer so I stop myself from boarding that train of thought. She stands up and leans on the corner of the desk while looking distantly off to the side like she’s pictured or dreamed of this before. “Well first off I will always stay with the CFD. No private companies.” Her eyes shine and I feel mine do the same. I’m glad she loves the CFD as much as I do. She shrugs and continues, “Maybe down the road I’d try to be an AC, but I love working with patients too much to not get to work with them too. So I’m not sure about that. That would be the problem with moving up. I wouldn’t get to be in the field as much.” I know that is something she is going to have a hard time transitioning to.

Her eyes brighten and she leans in with a smile on her face, “But I like the idea of teaching. I’ve wanted to look into possibly doing a couple of classes at the academy. Partly because…well that’s not important. But I—”

“—Wait. No what were you going to say?”

“Well we’ve never really talked about the future before except for in general wants. This has been something I’ve always thought about, but uh…uh lately you’ve…you’ve been the person I picture as being someone who’d…” she bites down harder on her lip. But then, abruptly, she stops herself and looks me dead in the eye. Her confidence returns in both body language and voice, “Truth. This is something that I’d want my future partner’s input on and support. It’d have to be a decision we agree on together, because it wouldn’t just affect me.”

I didn’t realize I walked into such a serious question. But I love how she didn’t run away when she got uncomfortable. Instead she all but admitted that she wanted that future with me and then describes the kind of partnership she’d expect. The kind I’ve always wanted. She’s made it clear that this is a subject she only wants to share with someone willing to want that future with her. I smile and nod, “Okay. As someone who pictures himself next to you in the future and wants to have a chance at that partnership, can I hear it?”

“What I was going to say is I’ve always hoped that whenever my husband and I have children, I could be at home during the younger years. I want to be a mom and I don’t want to let someone other than the two of us get that time with them. I want to be there for the milestones, for the day-to-day and to help them grow…" Her smile falls and she lets out a huff of frustration, "But I also love this job. While I can’t imagine being away from them for a whole twenty-four hours at a time I still want to work. It’s something I know I’m going to need. So I’d want to teach a few classes during the week so I could still do both.”

Looking into her eyes and seeing the conflict, I think back on her past relationships. They all wanted her to be that stay-at-home-mom/house-wife type. But I know she'd never be happy doing only that. I can’t even picture something different than what she just described. “I think that’s something you should definitely have the support to do. I know you’re going to be a great mom. But you’re also a paramedic, and a damn fine one at that. You’ve already found the perfect solution.”

She smiles at me, “Yeah I thought so too. Uh...no one has ever truly agreed with me on that before.” Her exes were idiots. _How could they not see her?_

I step closer to her and brush her hair behind her ear. Laying my hand on her cheek I hold her head so her eyes meet mine. “This job is part of you. I’d never want you to lose part of yourself that is vital to who you are.”

Her eyes grow warmer and then she's standing as her lips crash down over mine. I bring my other hand up to cradle her face as I deepen the kiss. She meets me kiss for kiss as I pull her close, wrapping my arms around her as she grips my hair, keeping me in place. Once we come up for air, she pulls away from me and I can see more conflict in her eyes. “I uh…I should get back to work. This paperwork isn’t going to finish itself,” she says in an adorably awkward breathless voice.

I nod and gulp, trying to collect myself. I’ve never had kisses this intense before, and I think it’s because of everything else we have together. The solid relationship we’ve built before we ever explored this side of it. And we just came to another agreement on something that felt easy and natural to both of us. I know she sees that this could work if we let it. But I need to prove to her that it's a leap of faith worth taking. “Yeah…I uh, I’ll go finish my own.” She acknowledges my words and sits back down and sorts through what is in front of her.

I start to walk away from her and realize she basically said she wants to be an Ambulance Commander one day. “But Sylvie,” She looks back to me, raising her brow again, “Why don’t you want to be an AC now? Why someday?”

“Oh.” She looks thoughtful, “I just don’t think I’m ready for it. Or could do it. Plus, I don’t have that much experience when it comes to this job. I mean there are so many other people better for that position than I am.” She says it with such conviction I am baffled.

“Sylvie. I don’t mean to upset you, but everything you just said is incredibly wrong.” The look of surprise she gives me, makes me want to laugh, but I can’t because I want her to hear me. “You did it today and you seemed more than ready for it when called upon. Boden never had a moment of doubt on his face when he told you to be acting AC. And there were plenty of other PICs around with more experience he could have called upon. And if all those stories tonight weren’t proof of experience than I’d like to know what would be.” She still looks at me with round eyes, but grins at my last observation.

But there was one more reason she didn’t think she could do this job, and it was the most wrong. “And Sylvie there is no other paramedic, current or past, in this department that would be better in that position than you. I have no doubt in my mind that you are meant to be an AC. Chicago needs a Commander Brett looking out for them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first off, the amazing line, describing loving because of respecting someone, (the bold and italicized one) was not mine. This is from one of my all-time favorite tv show characters, Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars. All credit is due to that amazing show and its writers. If you’ve never watched it, please do. I’ve edited it a little bit to make sense for these two. But I can just hear Matt thinking this. Not sure he would ever say this, since he isn’t that talkative, but it feels like a way to describe those looks he gives Sylvie. 
> 
> Second, I hope you all liked it! I think the blue room conversation is one of my favorite things I envisioned when playing with the idea of this story. I can see them doing it and how Matt would encourage Sylvie. I am having so much fun with this story and I’m still floored that everyone seems to like it too. So thank you for the comments and kudos. Those really do feed the creativity. 
> 
> Third (and don’t hate me) there will probably not be another chapter until Saturday. One of my offenders has a lot of case management needs that my focus needs to be directed to over the next two days and it is going to take a lot of mental power to be able to get through it. While I love writing as stress relief this particular situation only calls for alcohol. 
> 
> Which is the perfect segway to the teaser for the next chapter: It's time for more reunions at Molly's the night after shift. 
> 
> I hope you all have a good week and I’ll see you on the weekend! As always thanks for reading!


	11. 'Girl on Fire'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang heads to Molly's and Peter continues to catch-up. Then they have an unofficial party for Sylvie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it took me so long to get this up. Life has been stressful. Finally had time to write this, and then got a little writer's block. Not sure if I am loving this chapter or not, so please let me know what you think below. I appreciate constructive criticism and to know if I need to scrap the chapter and try something different. Also I will be editing later, as I didn't have the energy to do it yet.
> 
> Also, I know the 'Brett with two T's' story is from when she was partnered with Jimmy, but I LOVE that storyline so much, I had to make sure 51 knew about it. 
> 
> And, personal opinion, but 'Girl on Fire' by Alicia Keys should basically be Brett's anthem.

_Someone who pictures himself next to you in the future._

_Someone who wants to have a chance at that partnership._

_This job is part of you. I’d never want you to lose part of yourself that is vital to who you are._

_There is no other paramedic, current or past, in this department that would be better in that position than you._

_I have no doubt in my mind that you are meant to be an AC._

_Chicago needs a Commander Brett looking out for them._

That’s why I kissed him. How could a girl not kiss him after hearing the man she is in love with say those things about her. Everything he said is what I want in my future. A partner who builds me up and lets me believe I can achieve what I think is impossible. He said he was going to prove to me that he loves me and wants to be with me. He already is. But I need to take a step back. I cannot kiss him again until my main doubt is put to rest.

After going to Otis’s graveside, Peter spent the day with his squad buddies and Matt, promising me that we would spend time together tomorrow. He understood I needed sleep. Badly. By the end of shift I hadn’t had any restful sleep in the last forty-eight hours.

When I woke up and got dressed, Emily dragged me to Molly’s so the two of us and Stella could discuss my conversation with Matt. She must have texted Stella to let her know we were on our way because she already has my rose waiting for me.

“Okay girl. Spill.”

“He told me his feelings for me are real. He said I caught him off guard and admitted that he hasn’t addressed or allowed himself to work out what happened when Gabby left. He said he just decided to stop focusing on her and didn’t deal with any of the hurt he felt then.”

“Kelly has been saying that since she came back last fall. Said he was a dumbass to see her again when he hadn’t worked through stuff first. He also didn’t believe the closure Casey thought he got was actual closure.” Both girls look at each other like neither one wants to ask about the elephant in the room. I think the glass in Stella’s hand has never sparkled quite that bright.

Emily bites the bullet, “So did he change his ‘I don’t know,’ to something else?”

“He told me he wouldn’t get back together with her, but he needs to work through some things. He said he needs a little time to figure out how to be the man I deserve. He said he wants to prove that to me, while he works on figuring out how to put all the hurt behind him. He asked me to give him the chance to do that.”

My two best friends have a mixture of emotions run over their faces. I see apprehension, caution, and a bit of hope. Well hope on Stella’s face. Emily is doubtful, “Well he has a lot to prove.”

“He already did a little bit…”

Stella let’s out a sigh of relief, “Thank God. How’d he do it?”

“He made me feel like maybe I do deserve this commendation. He…” I let out a breath I’ve been holding since Gallo accidently told me the news. “He built me up. He…he described that he sees me like I want to see myself.”

Emily let’s out a frustrated sigh, “Okay. He still has a lot to prove, but he is further down on my shit list.” 

Not too long after 51 starts filtering in. Herman pushed three tables together just as Matt and Kelly walked in. Severide looked between the two of us and chuckled, “I’m gonna get us some beers Case. Brett you want anything?”

“Actually yeah. Can you grab me a beer too?” He nods and then I turn to look at Matt.

“Is it…uh…Can I sit next to you?”

I grin at him. He really is respecting my caution, but if he is going to prove something to me then I need to give him the chance. “Matt, you are still one of my best friends. So yes. I’m not going to avoid you. Like I told you, I refuse to lose our friendship.”

He smiles back sheepishly. “Okay. Good. Is it okay if I tell you how gorgeous you look?”

I feel a blush paint my cheeks and shyly reply, “Yeah…it’s okay. But only if you mean it.”

He begins to reply when Severide sits on the other side of Matt after handing us both our beers. “Hey _sis_. Get some rest?” Well like a real brother, he knew how to step right in and ruin a moment.

I roll my eyes at him. “Yes _bro._ Did you have fun with Mills?”

“Yeah, it was good to catch up. Heard a few more stories from the ambo though.” Severide then winks at me and “Brett _with two T’s_. Seriously were you really that confrontational?”

“It was a crappy situation. And I wanted to encourage her to think about where her priorities should lie. She was lucky to get custody of her kid when he had an amazing father who actually cared about him. If she was going to submit a complaint, I figured the least I could do was make sure she had the name right.”

Severide laughed, “Only you Brett. With two T’s.”

Groaning, “God. How many stories does he have?”

“Oh way too many Brett.” Peter says plopping down beside me. 

Filing in after the rest of Squad, intelligence walks in. I great Kim and Hailey and nod at Halstead, Ruzek and Atwater. Joe comes in with Chloe under his arm and gives me an update on a topic they discussed. “So I realized we missed a gun story.”

Intelligence must have heard the word gun and all turned, Hailey asked, “Gun story?”

“Oh yeah. We were discussing Brett’s commendation and how many times Brett has had a gun pointed at her came up. We came up with five different circumstances: Halleck twice, there was execution guy once, meth brothers was another and the kidnapping was five. Except we forgot the helicopter crash. When that guy with the fake passports and cash threatened you then gave you a chit.”

“Jeez girl. I didn’t realize you’d had that many run-ins. Six is quite a bit for what, seven years?” Kim asked.

Shrugging I replied, “Six. I did completely forget about him.”

Joe explained and I realize Peter never knew as his eyes grew wider and smile grew fond. “Well yeah when we met with him, he said you told him you needed to do your job and make sure he was okay. That you didn’t care what he was doing with that stuff. Then you asked for him to get time for Mills to talk with that kidnapper so he would admit he was working for Lullo. I mean he ended up helping out.”

Halstead laughed, “So that’s how you did it. Well, it’s pretty badass to still be sitting here after that many run-ins and you know, your ambo going off a bridge.” Intelligence agreed and they turned to their own table after congratulating me on the commendation.

“I didn’t realize that was how we brought Lullo down. Thanks for using your favor for that partner. Peter hugged me and I squeezed him back. “So partner, we talked about how badass you are and I know what’s going on in your career. But what about the love life?” I felt Matt tense next to me and my mind went blank. “Seriously, Joe Cruz got married and found the amazing Chloe who is out of his league.” Chloe blushes and Cruz kisses the top of her head. Mills then turns to Severide, “And somehow Kelly Severide is in a serious relationship and has been for almost a year and a half. Again, to someone who is way out of his league.”

Stella snorts, “I keep telling him he’s lucky I gave him a chance, especially after he broke into my house.”

“Okay we are coming back to that story in a little bit. So out of the three of you, I figured you’d be married by now and have a couple of kids.”

I knew this was coming, but I was hoping it would just be the two of us. Matt next to me just increased my blush and my stalled brain. I don’t need to see him to know he looks as uncomfortable as I look. But Severide, Stella and Emily are looking at me expectantly. “Oh uh...”

“Well after we broke up, she was single for a little while. A date here or there.” I could kiss Joe, until he continues, “Then you’ll never guess who she started dating? I’ll give you a hint…he worked at the 21st.”

Peter rubs his hands together and starts guessing. “Ooh. Halstead?” At the time he was with Erin. But even though he’s single now, and is definitely someone I’d be interested in, him and Hailey are meant to be. And you know if I wasn’t in love with Matt.

Intelligence turns back around since they are now a topic of discussion.

“Jay is like a brother. Right?”

“That’s right sis.”

Severide leans over Matt and pokes me, “Seriously, how many brother’s do you have already?”

Stella chuckles, “Try again.”

“Atwater?” I’ve always thought he was incredibly sweet actually…

Foster laughs, “I can totally see it, but no.” Atwater winks at me and I blush.

“Oh wait, Roman?”

Stella sniggers. Loudly. “No longer than a night…” That gets the attention of the unit who lightly applaud.

“Oh, that guy that was here about his sister? Hell yes! That’s my girl. He was cute!”

I shoot Stella a glare that let’s her know we will talk about this later. She just smiles and then glances over towards Matt. I refuse to look over that way. Thankfully Peter turns to me and starts to count off on his fingers. 

“So no to Halstead or Atwater. And a ‘not really’ to Roman. Seriously Ruzek?”

“Hey man! I’m sitting right behind you. And Sylvie you ever decide to prove Mills wrong, I will gladly help out.” Ruzek winks at me. I blush, but Adam decides to help Mills out, “And before you guess Voight and make us all sick, it was Antonio.”

Intelligence then leaves us to ourselves again, as Peter’s eyes turn to saucers. “Well. I didn’t see that one coming.”

I feel my blush and I try to speak, but my mouth bobs up and down. Mouch then gives a recap of that relationship, “No one did. Trudy knew it was doomed from the start.” I turn to look at him and he waves his hand, “Nothing about you Brett. She just said he didn’t deserve you.”

Cruz affirmed that, “I definitely agree. You gave him way too much time to get his act together and he didn’t. You were on and off again for, what? A year or two?”

Taking a sip of my wine, I shrug my shoulders, “About two.”

“Well Sylvie Brett. That is a completely different girl than the one who became my partner on ambo.” Looking at all the guys and then giving me a shit-eating grin, he asked, “Have I ever told you all the story of how she reacted to Boden telling us we were partnering up?”

“Oh God...”

“After Boden said we were officially partners, she said ‘I’ve never had a guy before.’” Everyone laughed so Peter continued, “‘I mean in an ambo.’” And again, everyone laughed harder.

Emily chuckled and whispered only so Peter and I and maybe Matt could hear, “Then…”

Peter gave me wide eyes and bumped my shoulder. He was nice enough to not let that be known around the circle, so he circled back to Antonio, “But seriously. Antonio? Hold on. I thought he was married?”

“Well Laura and him divorced. I guess you could say I was his rebound. He had too many things to work out and he couldn’t make me a priority.” I shrug my shoulders and continue, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” I feel Matt next to me stiffen and realize that is partly why I must be so cautious.

Peter pulls me in for a tight hug, “His loss.” I smile back up at him and then he understands I need to stop thinking about Antonio. He questions, “So since then anything else?”

“Well, she got engaged to the Chaplin.” Capp supplied.

“ORLOVSKY?!?!” The laughter at his exclamation and shudder reached a new decibel.

Once the laughter fades, Mouch helps clarify. “What Capp didn’t say was the new…well I guess temporary…Chaplin.”

“Orlovsky retired a couple of years ago. This new kid Kyle came in to replace him.” Herman adds as he brings over a couple of drinks.

“So what happened?” Peter questioned and all of 51 turned to look at me. I guess the girls knew but the guys not so much.

After taking a big sip, let’s be honest gulp, of wine I answered, “Well um…I guess it was just too fast. We actually had broken up. He uh...got a promotion and was moving to Indiana. He told me he made a mistake and asked for me to go with him. Someone told me we were right for each other right before that and I though I’d be an idiot to let someone right for me go. So I said yes and followed him back to small-town Indiana. After a few months I broke it off and came back.”

I feel Matt squeeze my knee. I know he feels bad about that. Maybe more than I realized.

Severide probably knew and with an almost now permanent shit-eating grin on his face asked, “Why’d you come back?”

“I realized when it came to him or 51, 51 always won.”

“Yeah it did!” Cruz said raising his arms in the air like he was indicating a touchdown. “And besides, I like the Chaplin and all, I mean he was a great guy…but definitely not the type of guy you should marry.” He says adamantly. I look around and see all of 51 nodding their heads.

Frustrated that they thought they knew better than me, “Okay enlighten me everyone. What kind of guy should I be dating?”

They all start to say something but then realize they probably shouldn’t be getting involved with my love life. Chloe helps them out, “Like a middle between Antonio and Kyle.” Lots of head nods at that. Then she starts to waver, “I mean I didn’t know Antonio so…like…like…”

Stella picks up for her, “Like Antonino, someone strong and passionate…Hell like Joe, someone who understands your worth and you can talk to. And like Kyle someone compassionate and just good…But none of your previous relationships wanted the same things you do.”

It takes everything in me to not turn to Matt. I believe he meets every single quality on Stella’s list. And wants the same things I do. I realize after a few moments that everyone has stopped nodding at Stella’s assessment and are now looking at me to say something.

I’m again at a loss for words and before I can say anything, Emily has my back like always, “We all know you are a badass on your own and whatever guy you decide to bring into the 51 fold will have the whole house, past and present, making sure he is worthy of the honor. However, Peter, I feel like we need to let all of 51 hear what we got to hear every day in the ambo?

“Oh no. No, no, no—”

All of a sudden I have Chloe, Stella and Emily’s eyes all fluttering before me and Peter holding his hands up in front of him begging me to

“Fine. But first I need shots. Second, I am not the only one singing. Every song I sing, each one of you has to also sing. And third I’m not singing them solo. No one needs to.”

“Yes Karaoke!” Mills laughs and looks at Herman, “Can we?”

“Why not? Just don’t expect me to do it.”

Which is how I found myself spending the night singing terrible 80s pop ballads and a few of Taylor Swift songs. Thanks to Stella’s heavy pours we got most of 51 to get up and sing. Joe, Capp and Tony sang ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ and attempted to get the microphone in Severide’s face the whole time. Ritter got Gallo to accompany him to ‘It Wasn’t Me.’ Intelligence did an amazing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ that included Ruzek and Atwater dancing around the bar. I got Mackey to sing ‘Lady Marmalade’ with Stella, Emily and I. Herman and Mouch even sang a horribly out of tune rendition of Jimmy Buffet’s ‘Margaritaville,’ followed by an advertisement for 5% off margaritas for the rest of the night.

Around midnight Molly’s started to empty but according to Stella this was my commendation party and we were going to celebrate. Eventually Peter set up shop with his Squad guys with some cards but the girls were still having fun singing. After it felt like the rest of 51 wasn’t watching us, Matt and I just got on like normal. Like the last 72 hours didn’t happen and we were just back to our old selves. I mean I always looked at his lips this often. The only difference was I was no longer hiding it. Neither was he.

“Sylvie! Okay. Now it’s time to show off those pipes you hide girl. This time a solo.”

I looked around realized there were no strangers left. I knew everyone and as I had definitely had too many shots, I agreed. “Fine. I guess I could do another Swift—"

Emily interrupted me faster than I anticipated, “—Nope. Time to bring out the big guns. Hey Peter, did she ever do any Alicia for you?”

“I didn’t have time to improve her music taste by much. Let’s hear it.”

“Emily, you know this is too many people and I—”

“—Aaannnd I have a song all ready to go.” I groan but leave the table. I make the mistake of turning around to see Matt’s eyes. They hold encouragement in them, but also a fondness that for once I think might not be a figment of my imagination. Emily brings me up to the stage and hushes the house and unit down.

51 was now paying attention. “Alright. There were a few songs each of us knew to pull out when the other wasn’t having a great day. On those days we needed a reminder of how badass we are. This was one that Brett rocks and always brought a smile to my face. Partly because it is the girl herself singing it. So to remind Brett how awesome she is, for my own personal happiness and as a shout out to the best program in all of the CFD, here is ‘Girl on Fire.’”

I get up to sing. Realizing with each line that it is a song that always reminded me of how capable I could be. Not just in the ambo, but with all the crap going on in my life. I hadn’t sung it for a while though.

“ _She's just a girl and she's on fire  
Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway  
She's living in a world and it's on fire  
Filled with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away_

_Oh, oh oh oh oh  
She got both feet on the ground  
And she's burning it down  
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh  
She got her head in the clouds  
And she's not backing down_

_…Looks like a girl but she's a flame  
So bright she can burn your eyes  
Better look the other way  
You can try but you'll never forget her name  
She's on top of the world  
Hottest of the hottest girls, say_

_…Everybody stares as she goes by  
Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes  
Watch her as she's lighting up the night  
Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl  
And it's a lonely world  
But she gon' let it burn, baby, burn, baby_

_This girl is on fire  
This girl is on fire  
She's walking on fire  
This girl is on fire_

_Oh, oh, oh…_  
  


_…She's just a girl but she's on fire_.”

I duck my head in the amount of loud obnoxious applause that follows, feeling my blush turn deep red. Some of 51, like the firefighters they are, mimic holding extinguishers and ‘spray me down.’ I got lost in the song and forgot I even had an audience. Emily and Stella come up to hug me. I look over to Matt and see him smiling at me. As the applause dies down, I hear the last voices I expected to hear. Not just one, but two of them. Followed by Emily’s, “Shit.”


	12. Piece of Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mills gives Matt some advice. Matt gets a little jealous while reliving Sylvie’s past relationships. And two people enter the bar, promising some rain clouds and strong winds ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you for coming back to read another chapter. I want to apologize but I haven’t had time to respond to a lot of comments yet. I will be doing that after he next chapter or two. But I am reading them and am so thankful for all of your kind words and your help with remembering the storylines that I’ve forgotten. I am going to have a couple more come up organically, because they were good plots. This story is all about their histories and how it affects their present, so I’m extremely grateful for the help. 
> 
> I am trying to write the next chapter today, but I can’t make any guarantees as to when I will finish it. I am positing them as I finish. I normally try to take a day to edit and make sure I don’t want to add anything else. But I want to get this story done before the 6th, so I’m not editing too much (now, I will later). I have a clear outline of where I want this to head, so I’m going to do my best to write as quickly as I can. Again your support and encouragement mean the world to me. Comments make my day, and occasionally tempt me to write in a different direction. So please let me know what you think!

After shift I got a few bids in that morning, I joined Sev, Cruz, Capp and Tony to hang out with Mills. We went to an old bar hangout we would go to before Molly’s opened, shot pool and caught up.

“She’s a teacher. Way too good for me. We’ve been dating a little over a year. Might be inviting you all to South Carolina soon for a wedding. I uh…I’ve started ring shopping.”

“That’s great Mills!” “Good for you man.” “Does she realize what she might be getting herself into?”

Cruz and Tony went home to have dinner with their wives and Capp with his mother. Mills, Severide and I stayed to grab dinner. “So where are you going to be staying Mills?” I asked.

“No idea. When chief called, I realized this was the perfect excuse to take some time off at the restaurant and fly over. Got on the first flight I could.”

“Well now you’re staying at the loft. If you don’t mind the couch?” Severide offers.

“Thanks man…I should have planned better but I feel bad I’ve lost touch with Sylvie. Wishing each other happy birthday and happy holidays isn’t the same. We used to talk frequently. We’ve been through a lot together.” Shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. “I guess at some point we needed to forget some of those things and move on. Not live in the past…” But then he gives his Peter Mills signature grin, “But her getting a medal is far overdue and I had to be here to see it…partly because she is going to absolutely hate it.”

I chuckle and Severide laughs and says, “Right? I knew she was good at her job, but none of us knew any of those stories. Hell, there are probably dozens more not involving guns that we will never hear. And the way she commanded the scene the other day, shows she is definitely commander material. Hatcher made a good decision.”

“Wait what? Commander material? Boden didn’t say anything about a promotion.”

I nod, “Yeah, the commendation is also a meritorious promotion. Clearly she doesn’t know that though. The one thing my candidate didn’t screw up.” I say still a little pissed at Gallo. “My guess is only the house knows if he didn’t tell you. So please don’t let anyone else know.”

“Oh I won’t. This just got way better.” He says with his eyes sparkling. “Huh. So. Two meritorious promotions in what? Less than five years? And to the two nicest and inherently good people in the firehouse? Boden must be proud.” Peter looks at me with a shit-eating grin. “So Casey I wanted to ask, how long have you been in love with Brett?”

Bastard managed to do that while I was taking a sip so when I choked and spit out my beer, him and Severide laughed. Loudly. My roommate smiles and his eyes sparkle like Mills. He knows he now has a partner in crime, “Was wondering when someone else was going to make a comment about it.”

“Well based on the moon eyes he was throwing her way yesterday, at least anytime he wasn’t holding his fists in protective anger about what she had gone through, I’m surprised no one else has. Then again, I don’t work for him anymore, so I don’t have to be scared of him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Mills.”

“Come off it, Casey. She was looking at you the same way. How long have you been together?”

Severide snorted. “They’ve been making moon eyes at each other? Going on about a year and a half. But they’re not actually together yet. Despite a really good reason to be a few days ago.” I just glare at Severide and his shit-eating grin grows larger.

“Well _Captain_ , piece of advice. I’d make a move soon.”

“She did actually, before last shift. This one was a dumbass and messed it up.”

“I’m right here. And we’ve already established that Severide. We’re done talking about this.”

They continue like I’m not even there, “So he stuck his foot in his mouth I take it?”

“She asked if Gabby came back, would he go back with her.” I clench my fists in anger. Severide is about to have a blackeye. 

“And let me guess. He said nothing?”

“Worse. ‘I don’t know.’”

“No offense Lieutenant...I mean Captain. You are an idiot. Don’t get me wrong I was in love with Gabby too. I understand her charm, but I never understood you two.” I look at him and raise one eyebrow, “Look it’s not that you didn’t have good times, but even I saw that neither of you agreed on a lot. I know you wanted, and probably still want, someone who works with you. And as much as I love Gabby, she tends to handle things solo.”

“I’ve missed you Mills. You hit the nail on the head.” Severide exhaled.

“Listen I know that. I haven’t dealt with her leaving like I should of, but I know I’d never go back to her. I just…she surprised me.”

“Well knowing my partner, she’ll give you a second chance. Just don’t be a dumbass when she gives it to you.”

* * *

Later that evening everyone agreed to meet at Molly’s. Kelly and I get there first. Sylvie is currently alone at the pushed together tables for 51. She’s laughing and watching Emily flirt with some girl a few tables down. Foster is lethal so I wish the girl luck. Kelly and I walk over and he looks between the two of us and chuckles, “I’m gonna get us some beers Case. Brett you want anything?”

“Actually yeah. Can you grab me a beer too?” He nods and then shoots a look at me. It’s his reoccurring ‘don’t be a dumbass,’ look. Yeah, I know Sev. People can stop saying and telepathically saying that to me. 

I turn to look at Brett, who looks gorgeous as always. “Is it…uh…Can I sit next to you?” Yup, anytime I’m near her, I turn into a 14-year-old boy.

Her eyes warm as she grins, “Matt, you are still one of my best friends. So yes. I’m not going to avoid you. Like I told you, I refuse to lose our friendship.” She really is giving me another chance.

“Okay. Good.” While I will definitely have to prove my deeper feelings as time goes on, I realize I’ve never just spoken how I feel about her. I’ve never tried to even really flirt with her. We’ve always had a friendship that was fun, but also deep. We’ve been dancing around this for too long though. It hasn’t been normal by any means. So from now on, I’m going to say what I’m thinking, so she can understand how much I’ve been wanting this. I take a breath and nervously say what I’ve wanted to tell her every day. For months. “Is it okay if I tell you how gorgeous you look?” Tonight, her dress is a blue that brings out her eyes and her hair is pulled back with a few curly strands of hair framing her face.

Her cheeks pinken and it makes me feel a little better. I know she wants this too but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one nervous. Smiling shyly at me she replies, “Yeah…it’s okay. But only if you mean it.” It will always be true, because she’s always gorgeous. I’m about to tell her this…

…and then Severide sits on my left and ruins the beginning of a moment. Ass. “Hey _sis_. Get some rest?”

I blink, because this is new. “Yes _bro._ Did you have fun with Mills?”

“Yeah, it was good to catch up. Heard a few more stories from the ambo though.” Severide then winks at her, “Brett _with two T’s_. Seriously were you really that confrontational?” He teases her and she gives it right back. She humbly tries to explain that she just did what was right, but we know it was more than what she’s trying to play it off as. Sylvie Brett in protective mode is something else. I’ve seen it before and it’s impressive…and in all honesty hot. 

Groaning Sylvie asks, “God. How many stories does he have?”

“Oh way too many Brett.” Peter says plopping down on her other side. He then looks at me and makes exaggerated eye movements between Sylvie and me, referring without words to our talk earlier. I just glare.

The rest of 51 comes in and occupies the remaining seats. Intelligence follows and sit at the table behind us. As Joe sits down, he makes my spine stiffen as he says, “So I realized we missed a gun story.” _Seriously, another one?_

Joe explains again how Sylvie came into contact with yet another asshole who pointed a gun at her. Intelligence is impressed, saying how rare it is, even for a cop, to have a gun pointed directly at them that many times in their career. They tell her what we’ve been telling her since we heard the stories at the house. That she handled herself like a badass. Again, she brushes the compliments off. We’re going to have to work on that. I refuse to not let her see how remarkable she is.

I must have been thinking about this for too long, because next thing I know Mills has his shit-eating grin back on his face and winks at me. Fuck. “So partner, we talked about how badass you are and I know what’s going on in your career. But what about the love life?” I stiffen and feel her discomfort too. “Seriously, Joe Cruz got married and found the amazing Chloe who is out of his league and somehow Kelly Severide is in a serious relationship and has been for almost a year and a half… out of the three of you, I figured you’d be married by now and have a couple of kids.”

Sylvie shifts and starts twisting her watchband absentmindedly. I look over to Peter to give him a glare and he just smiles back and takes a sip of his beer. “Oh uh...”

But Joe saved her, “Well after we broke up, she was single for a little while. A date here or there. Then you’ll never guess who she started dating? I’ll give you a hint…he worked at the 21st.” Well he sort of saved her.

Peter rubs his hands together and begins guessing. Intelligence must have heard Joe, he does tend to be loud, and turned to watch the guessing game. “Ooh. Halstead?”

I hate that it makes sense to me and I could see it. He’s a good guy. _Peter stop putting ideas in her head!_ But then Sylvie calms that fear, “Jay is like a brother. Right?”

“That’s right sis.”

Severide leans over me to poke at Sylvie, “Seriously, how many brother’s do you have already?” Sylvie just snorts.

Stella chuckles, “Try again.”

“Atwater?”

Foster laughs, “I can totally see it, but no.” I can see it too. Then Atwater winks at her. Nope. Not okay. Intelligence needs to leave. Now.

“Oh wait, Roman?”

Stella sniggers. Loudly. “No longer than a night…” That makes so much sense. It explains his, well their, weird behavior when he was in town a few months ago. He did look at her with some affection. But she brushed it off. I feel Stella’s gaze and crinkle my eyebrows at her.

I try not to give myself away to Sylvie. I am _hating_ this current game of catch-up. Especially since I know the answer. Thankfully Ruzek at least stops the guessing part. “…it was Antonio.”

Peter looks truly shocked. Then the guys of 51 describe why he didn’t deserve her. It does bring back a few memories though. Gabby and I always talked about how odd it was to see ‘big-bad-Antonio-Dawson,’ nauseatingly smitten and touchy with Sylvie. It was uncomfortable then to see my brother-in-law acting that way, but now I hate those memories for a different reason. I actually understand him now. And I hate how much he hurt her.

“…Well Sylvie Brett. That is a completely different girl than the one who became my partner on ambo. Have I ever told you all the story of how she reacted to Boden telling us we were partnering up?”

“Oh God...” She’s been blushing the whole time. Now it’s deepened.

“After Boden said we were officially partners, she said ‘I’ve never had a guy before.’” Everyone laughed so Peter continued, “‘I mean in an ambo.’” And again, everyone laughed harder.

Emily chuckled and whispered, much to my surprise, “Then…” Thank God I didn’t have any food or drink in my mouth then, because I would have choked. Because now I’m picturing her and Antonio. In 61. Lord knows it wasn’t the Chaplin (semi-dad joke sort of intended). It doesn’t help my stomach though. I feel my jealousy hit a new high with each passing story.

“…I guess you could say I was his rebound. He had too many things to work out and he couldn’t make me a priority. It just wasn’t meant to be.” I tense finally figuring out more connections to her hesitation. There are a lot of parallels to Antonio’s story and mine. And he hurt her. Shit. So have I.

Peter pulls her in for the hug I want to give, “His loss.” Damn straight. I’m not going to make the same mistake. Because while on the surface it may seem like similar situations, unlike Antonio I am going to work to make sure I can be the best man for her. I am going to show her she is my priority. “So since then, anything else?”

“Well, she got engaged to the Chaplin.” Capp supplied.

`

“ORLOVSKY?!?!” While everyone laughs, a few of us blanch a little at that image.

“...This new kid Kyle came in to replace him.” Herman supplies as he hands me another beer.

“So what happened?” Peter asks and I know a little bit of the story, but 51 doesn’t.

Tucking her hair behind her ear she, with a nervous voice she explains, “Well um…I guess it was just too fast. We' actually had broken up. He uh...got a promotion and was moving to Indiana. He told me he made a mistake and asked for me to go with him. Someone told me we were right for each other right before that and I thought I’d be an idiot to let someone right for me go. So I said yes and followed him back to small-town Indiana. After a few months I broke it off and came back.”

She looks so uncomfortable. I want to put an arm around her. But that wouldn’t help the situation, so I squeeze her knee. It’s also an apology for being part of her confusion. I shouldn’t have told her to go with the Chaplin. I was an idiot for doing that. A self-sabotaging idiot. Epidemy of my new nickname, ‘a dumbass.’

Severide asked, “Why’d you come back?”

“I realized when it came to him or 51, 51 always won.” And thank God she feels that way. She’s the heart of the house. The brightness in it. The few months she was gone were the most painful in my life. Honestly, I missed her more than Gabby when she left. I know a big part of my frustration and pain then, was the fact that I hadn’t been able to make it work. But looking back it was never meant to work out.

“…And besides, I like the Chaplin and all, I mean he was a great guy…but definitely not the type of guy you should marry.” Cruz says and 51 agrees with nods.

“Okay enlighten me everyone. What kind of guy should I be dating?” Sylvie huffs.

I almost laugh because no one wants to answer her. Chloe tries, “Like a middle between Antonio and Kyle.” Lots of head nods at that. Then she starts to waver, “I mean I didn’t know Antonio so…like…like…”

Stella elaborates, “Like Antonino, someone strong and passionate…Hell like Joe, someone who understands your worth and you can talk to. And like Kyle someone compassionate and just good…But none of your previous relationships wanted the same things you do.”

Kelly bumps my leg and whispers, “You dude.” I frown back at him and then look up. Mills leans back behind Sylvie, and gives me a not-so-subtle wink. I feel and see a lot of 51 looking at me. I rub the back of my head as I take another pull of my beer. Okay. So maybe my feelings weren’t as discreate as I meant them to be.

Eyes leave me and turn to her. I can feel her embarrassment and then Emily helps her out, “We all know you are a badass on your own and whatever guy you decide to bring into the 51 fold will have the whole house, past and present, making sure he is worthy of the honor.” Yeah no. She isn’t going to be bringing anyone new in if I can help it. Now if the guys think I’m right for her is a different story. “…However, Peter, I feel like we need to let all of 51 hear what we got to hear every day in the ambo?

I grin. This is something I’ve been really wanting to see. “Oh no. No, no, no—” She stops when everyone begs and dramatically sighs, “Fine. But first I need shots. Second, I am not the only one singing. Every song I sing, each one of you has to also sing. And third I’m not singing them solo. No one needs to.”

“Yes Karaoke!” Mills laughs and looks at Herman, “Can we?”

“Why not? Just don’t expect me to do it.”

The whole bar gets into it. Even Herman. At some point a poker game started, but that left Sylvie alone at a table for a little while, so I joined her. Whenever she wasn’t on the small make-shift stage we talked. We talked about stuff we’ve always talked about: Amelia, her crazy neighbor, my construction gigs, etc. It felt like us again. I enjoyed it even more because I was a little drunk, switching to scotch when the girls started doing shots of tequila. It allowed us to break some of the awkward tension. It broke down my guard, but hers too.

What it didn’t help was the sexual tension. The air was palpable between the two of us. Now that each of us knew the other was interested, we both decided we weren’t going to hide our attraction. A highlight of her dress, besides it bringing out her beautiful blue eyes, is that it exposes her neck and collar bone. I remember making my way down her neck and feeling her pulse point beneath my lips. Her eyes are also heated and look as hungry as I feel. I remember my hands gliding down her body and…I need to stop thinking about this. I need to focus on what I can do to prove to her I love her. 

The bar slowly emptied, but at midnight 51 was still going strong. So was intelligence, and Natalie, April and Will from Med. This was the unofficial party for Mills, but also for Sylvie. People kept congratulating her. Emily then pulled her to her feet and got her up to sing a song I’d never heard before. Apparently this is a song she sings when she needs a reminder how skilled and capable she is. How strong she is.

_“She's just a girl and she's on fire  
Hotter than a fantasy…  
  
_

Somewhere in the middle her confidence came bursting through. I looked over at the guys and they were already clapping and woo-hooing her. Severide smirks at me. He knows this is making me fall a little harder for her. And his head shake let’s me know that he knows me too well, because it’s also turning me on.

_…She's just a girl but she's on fire_.”

When she finishes I yell and applaud just like the rest of the house. It’s obvious for a minute she forgot where she was and so when she blinks and sees us all clapping, she turns red all over. After Foster and Kidd hug her, she looks at me. My smile broadens even more, which I didn’t think was possible. She ducks her head slightly and then we hear them, and my smile falls.

“Partner that was incredible! How the hell did I never know you could sing like that?” I turn to see my ex-wife. But that’s not what really has my gut wrenching. I no longer want her and I plan to make sure her and Sylvie know that before she leaves. No my stomach turns because of the next voice.

“She is incredible,” confirms Antonio Dawson. I know chief called Gabby, but what the hell is Antonio doing here?

Severide’s behind me when I hear him exhale, “Fuck,” just as the microphone picks up Emily’s, “Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t hate me. If you leave a comment please don’t be too mean because I already know that you are probably annoyed I left you on a cliffhanger. But like I said, I’m already working on the next chapter and I still have nine hours of the day to do so. I usually knock a chapter out in five.


	13. "Oh Pickles."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later that night at Molly’s…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here is the first awkward encounter. A little later than I intended, but those of you who read my fics should know by now my perception of time to get things done is terrible. I forget I also have to deal with real life. This one is shorter, and so will Matt’s take on these events next chapter. But the following chapters will be much longer. This break just made more sense. 
> 
> ALSO side note. Has anyone noticed how many stories this couple has now? I’m a stat nerd, so I looked at all the Chicago Fire stories to filter. The next in line for a romantic relationship people have been shipping is Matt and Kelly and they’ve been doing this since the show started eight years ago. Then next is Dawsey. BUT in two years we have managed to top the amount of stories for Matt and Kelly by 36 stories and Dawsey by 262! Yes that’s right 262! 
> 
> SO WRITERS! PLEASE LOOK AT THE NUMBERS AND GIVE US AN INCREDIBLE END TO THIS MUCH WANTED LOVE STORY!
> 
> Sorry to shout, but I mean look at the numbers and tell me this isn’t perfect evidence. 
> 
> Okay. On to the story. And as always leave a comment to let me know what you think!

“Partner that was incredible! How the hell did I never know you could sing like that?” I turn from Matt’s eyes and find hers. Gabby. Oh Pickles. Fiddlesticks. Schiz-nitz. Fudge Nuggets. Crap. It’s fitting really. Once I knew of the medal, I should’ve known chief would also call her. Or maybe Matt did. I glance over and see a frown on his face so maybe he didn’t.

But then I hear _his_ voice. “She is incredible.” I then meet his eyes. Antonio is looking at me like he used to. His soft look that holds affection and makes me feel so special. Or his word, incredible. His smile also pulls me in for a moment.

Everything is going so quickly. My mind is going way too fast. Every thought, every feeling. Especially given I’m drunk. Yeah, that’s not helping. That’s just making my stomach queasier than it would normally be under these circumstances. Granted I’m sobering up fairly quickly…

Emily sums it up pretty good. “Shit.” However, Emily, really the best descriptor for this situation is _fuck my life_. Yup that doesn’t just sum it up good. It sums it up perfectly.

Apparently Emily’s comment made it into the microphone because both of their smiles drop a little and they give me questioning eyes. I can’t let them think they are unwelcome, so I muster up a smile. Stella knows me too well because she steps off the stage first and then helps me down.

I walk towards them and they meet me in the middle. I reach out with a hug to Gabby. “Uh Gabby. Antonio. Uh what…what…what are you doing here?” I’m pretty sure I know but, it’s a good way to break the ice.

Gabby holds me tight and answers, “Well Boden called me and told me of you getting a medal. I’ve never seen them give a medal to a paramedic before. I’ve heard of it, but like maybe one or two times.” She then breaks apart from me and in a voice that sounds a little patronizing continues, “Had to see how my kickass partner _managed_ to get herself one.”

Ouch. Her managed seemed pointed. Was I taking that the wrong way? Was I wanting her to be hostile to me? Would that make my betrayal easier to handle? I can tell it wasn’t just me that heard it because Stella goes rigid next to me and I hear Emily start stomping off the stage. But it isn’t either of them who speak.

It’s Matt. "She _earned_ it by demonstrating her selfless and amazing kindness, like she does with each call. While in an incredibly dangerous situation.”

I turn to look at him and my eyes blink wide. Shit. _Matt that sounded like a challenge_. He said it in his hard firm Captain’s voice. He…he defended me. To his miracle. Gabby’s eyes widen too and turn to him. She shakes her head a little and then smiles at him, “Hi Matt.” And leans into him for a hug. He reciprocates, but even I can see stiffness.

I look around and all of 51 is watching with a single-minded focus. I can’t decide to thank God or not when Antonio speaks and pulls my focus to him, “Doesn’t surprise me in the least.” He then pulls me in for a tight hug. Last time we did this I felt safe in his arms and loved. My body immediately responds and falls into them. Like muscle memory. But I pull myself out of it quickly. He still holds my arms when I let go of the hug and step back.

He says only loud enough for my ears, and maybe Stella’s, “It’s about time they realized how lucky they are to have you. And made it known how they feel. It took some of us, too long. Since I’m back I’d like to make sure you know that.”

My eyes widen and I see Matt behind him. Scowlong. Okay so also Matt's ears. Thankfully my new adopted brother comes and breaks up the reunion and gets 51 to move their behinds into gear. “Gabby, I didn’t get a chance to see you last time you came. Give me a hug girl.”

“Severide. You’re right. It’s been too long.” She hugs him and the rest of 51 starts to do the same. And intelligence comes over to see Antonio.

While this is happening, I feel Foster pull me back a little and put her hands on my shoulders. She whispers, “You tell me who to punch and I’ll punch. Hell. Murder is also on the table.”

While I know she meant it seriously, I find myself relaxing and giggling. I turn to give her a hug. “Thanks partner. I love you for it. But don’t expect it.”

“I love you too girl. But seriously, let’s make the code word banjo.” A full-blown laugh escapes me, which thankfully gets mixed in with the loud noises of greetings from 51.

Stella returns after hugging Gabby. “Okay. What’s the plan girls?”

Before I can answer, Emily informs her, “Code word for murder is banjo.”

“That reminds me too much of Grant. How about chainsaw?”

Before they start actually planning, I stop them so it’s not so ‘premeditated murdery.’ God forbids it happens they don’t deserve life if caught. I would visit them every chance I got until they made parole. I wonder if you can still bring baked goods into prison. As long as I can prove there’s no spade or knife hidden in them of course. “Ladies, I’m fine. I should have expected this. Well not Antonio, but Gabby. This gives Matt a chance to figure out what he truly wants.”

“I will say he is continuing to move lower on my shit list, with how he defended you for me.” Emily expresses, “Though he was much nicer than I had planned to be. He continues to stand up for you and I might change my mind on his worthiness for you.”

Mackey comes up behind us and asks, “And that is?”

“Uh that is Gabby Dawson. My partner right before Emily. She’s the one who is now in Puerto Rico helping with the relief effort…and uh she’s Matt’s ex-wife.”

“Oh that explains why she can’t keep her eyes, or her hands off of him.” I’d been focused on Antonio, out of fear of what I’d see. I peek over and see her hand on his elbow. And surprisingly see him pull away from her touch.

He looks uncomfortable and peeks towards me. When he sees I’m looking at him, he excuses himself and heads over. He moves right in front of me, and asks, “Are you okay?”

I feel all three girls turn to leave us alone. I paste a smile on my face and nod, “Yeah…yeah I’m fine.” We turn to watch the reunions in front of us. Gabby is excited to see Peter and throws her arms around him. I turn to my attention back to Matt. “Are uh…are you okay?”

“I’m actually pretty happy.” I turn my head the opposite way of him. I knew it. I knew he’d feel this way. He pulls my head back around with his hand on my chin. “I get to close that door for good and prove some things to you.” He says it with such sincerity I want to believe him.

I start to answer him, when the reunions are subsiding and I hear Cruz ask Antonio, “So we know why Gabby’s here, but I never heard your reason man.” Anyone at 51 can hear the aggressive edge to his voice.

Antonio looks at Cruz with confusion as to his tone, which is kind of ridiculous. He always knew Otis and Cruz weren’t his biggest fans. “I was actually headed here in a couple of days to help Eva look at colleges.” He turns to me with tender eyes, “But when Gabby told me, I wanted to come early so I could celebrate Sylvie.”

I gulp and realize that everyone is staring at me. Thankfully Ritter helps me out, though “So this is Antonio? The boyfriend before the Chaplin?”

I nod my head. Gabby and Antonio look at me with questions in their eyes. Peter chuckles and leans into them both, “Not Orlovsky. Some dude named Kyle.”

Antonio starts walking toward me, with Gabby following. “I think we have a lot to catch up on. Are you free for breakfast tomorrow?”

My mouth opens and closes a few times before I respond, “Uh yeah. We should probably catch-up.”

“We need to go check into our hotel. I’ll text you in the morning to pick a place and a time?” I nod my head and give him a polite closed lip smile, not meant to encourage anything. But he seems encouraged because his smile grows.

“Girl we also need to catch up.” She turns to Stella, “And you too. Can we get together tomorrow afternoon?”

“Uh Stella has ‘Girls on Fire.’ And I was going to help, but uh…”

Stella understands we need to do this. “But being a female firefighter, it would be nice for you to come too. So meet you at 51 around two?”

“Sure. Although you are going to have to explain to me what ‘Girls on Fire’ is. Already sounds awesome. And two is good. Gives me time to finish my lunch with Matt.” She says as she sends a smile his way. Matt doesn’t seem thrilled about this, but he needed to agree with it.

The Dawsons and everyone start to head out as Molly’s is close to closing. I hang back at Stella and Emily’s request. Matt and Severide are the last ones to leave before it’s just the three of us. He pulls me aside. “I’m going to lunch so we can have a talk about how it needs to over. That she can’t expect me to drop everything to be with her anymore. I want to let her know I’m done and I’ve moved on.”

I nod my head and tell him, “I get that’s a conversation that needs to happen. But Matt you need to make sure this is what you want. I want you to not go in closed minded. You need to figure out what’s best for you. Okay?”

“Sylvie I already know what I want.”

“Just promise me if you shut that door, it is because you want to and that you can do it with no regrets.” He nods. I hope he does take the time to really figure this out. I need for him to want this. Not just want it for me. But for him.


	14. Hurricane Lands in the Middle of Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion Matt didn’t really want to have happen…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Listen up kids. This chapter is NOT going to be Dawson friendly. Over the next few chapters I am going to try and not paint her any differently than how she portrayed herself on the show. In my story, now that Matt’s head is out of his ass, he gets to accept some of my personal opinions on what her flaws are. And like many people, I was originally a Dawsey shipper, but rewatching episodes again, I keep seeing more and more things that upset me. This chapter I got a lot of my own feelings out.

Hurricane Dawson took landfall, “Partner that was incredible! How the hell did I never know you could sing like that?” “She is incredible.”

Gabby. Gabby I could’ve handled. Antonio. Antonio is who I didn’t imagine I’d have to. Not yet.

Severide exhale of “Fuck,” to Emily’s audible “Shit.” Summed up the drama pretty good. They’re both right. _Fuck_ why did they both have to come? This is going to be a _shit_ -show. And _damn_ it. We had just started to make progress. This has to be a dream, right?

I turn back to see how Sylvie’s handling this and she’s frozen like a deer in headlights. Well until Emily’s curse flew out of the microphone. That one word by Emily made clear that she didn’t want them there? And her protective cover of Sylvie made it obvious, her hostility was for Brett’s benefit. But even though I can see Sylvie would rather be any place but here, she puts on a smile. A fake one. That isn’t even close to her real one. Most don’t seem to notice that. Gabby and Antonio sure don’t.

Stella helps Sylvie off the stage and she meets Gabby in the middle. I try to send her an encouraging smile, but she doesn’t turn her attention to me. I move closer, because I want her to know she has my support if she needs it. We can do this like we’ve done everything as friends. Like I want to do in the future. Together.

“Uh Gabby. Antonio. Uh what…what…what are you doing here?” Her voice is slightly off pitch, and only those of us who know her best can hear it.

Gabby squeezes her in a hug while explaining, “Well Boden called and told me you’re getting a medal. I’ve never seen them give a medal to a paramedic before. I’ve heard of it, but like maybe one or two times.” She’s right in my line of view. When she breaks apart their hug, I see her give Sylvie a calculating once over. Shit. _What’s she going to say now?_ “Had to see how my kickass partner _managed_ to get herself one.”

_Fuck no._ She doesn’t get to make Brett think she doesn’t deserve this. I feel Severide behind me, trying to hold me back from making a scene. But I’m not going to make one. That isn’t who I am. What I am going to do is make sure she gets her facts right. I step closer and make it crystal clear to her, “She demonstrated her amazing kindness and selfless bravery, like she does with each call, while in an incredibly dangerous situation.”

I seem to have surprised Gabby because her eyes round and darken for a moment. Then she squints. Those are the eyes that came before she'd defend herself for doing something monumentally stupid or selfish. The eyes that always appeared before a fight. I’d love for her to start one now. I’d love to let her know where I stand. But this is not the time or place. She must decide the same thing because she shakes herself out of her fighting stance and then turns on a smile that was always put on to get her way. “Hi Matt.” She leans in for a hug. I reciprocate. Feels a little like I’m under duress. My blood is still boiling at the fact she had the audacity to say that to Sylvie. She hasn’t even been here a minute and already she tried to put her down. Was she always like that?

I think I would’ve been kind and welcoming to her like I’d been last time. But that one sentence confirmed what I’ve really known. I need to close this door. Firmly. And make it closed so tight not even a Slamigan could unlock it.

Antonio brings me back to the present when he says, “Doesn’t surprise me in the least.” He pulls her in for a hug that I notice she falls into. It was so instinctual, how she fell and let him cradle her in his arms. So comfortable. She pulls herself back, with what looks like realization that that relationship is over, but then he whispers, just loud enough I could hear it, “It’s about time they realized how lucky they are to have you. And made it known how they feel. It took some of us, too long. Since I’m back I’d like to make sure you know that.”

Her eyes meet mine and I try to control my jealousy, but I doubt she doesn’t see it. Seriously Antonio? Too little, too fucking late pal. I know he had two chances. Two and he blew them both up. He had the most amazing girl in the world and he never put her before himself. I know he left after getting addicted to pills, but letting go of Sylvie was the dumbest mistake he’s ever made. I look to see he’s still touching her arm. And I want to rip the hand touching her out of its socket. But she’s not pulling away from him. Am I wrong? She gave me another chance. Would she give him one too?

Thankfully Severide then breaks the awkward tension of this mini reunion and the parade of doubt spinning in my head. He gets everyone in the bar to start greeting the new guests. I stand with Severide as everyone greets the Dawsons. I tried to get to Sylvie, but Emily pulled her back out of the crowd. I know she’ll protect her but also make sure she’s okay. But I keep an eye on them to make sure.

Severide then bumps my shoulder with his. We stand with our backs on the wall looking out at everyone. “Man you good?”

“I will be.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“That I plan to shut that door once and for all. She just made it easier by coming here. Saved me use of my furlough.”

“You know that’s not what I was asking.” He looks at me and I remain silent. He huffs, “What I was asking is how do you feel about Antonio being here?”

“To point out the obvious, not thrilled Sev.”

He blows past that admission as he turns to look at Gabby while reflecting on something. After a few moments of silence he says, “She used to say things like that to Shay. I hate that it looks like she also did it to Sylvie.” He falls silent again and after what feels like a minute he asks, “I’m guessing she did that to you too man? I mean more than I already saw.”

I push off the wall to stop this conversation from progressing, “So what if she did. Not going to change anything now.” I grab my scotch off the table and throw the remains back, swallowing hard. “But I’ll be damned if she _ever_ says something like that to Sylvie again.”

“I’ll be right there behind you man. That was seriously messed up.”

Gabby seems to have said hi to everyone and comes over to talk with me. Severide nods his head as he leaves us, knowing this isn’t going to be pretty and wishing me luck.

“So Matt. I’m here for two nights. I have to leave after the ceremony, but I’m staying at the same hotel.” Her eyes flutter at mine in a way I’m sure she thinks is attractive. In all honesty it used to be.

“It’s not going to be like last time Gabby.” Her eyes narrow and I feel like she’s looking for a weakness to exploit. “I’ve moved on. You left me, and I’ve truly moved on.”

Her smile turns down briefly to a frown and then comes back up into a regretful smile. She grabs my elbow and says low, “It sounds like we just need to talk it out Matt.”

“We definitely need to talk Gabby. About a lot. I need to get some closure.”

“I think you’re being a little rash.” I attempt to interrupt her to tell her that no, it’s taken me way to long to ask for this conversation. But she stops me and asks, “Lunch? Tomorrow?”

“Fine.” I want this conversation to be over with. Quickly. As my gaze usually does without my permission, I look over towards Sylvie. Her eyes are on me and I can see her bite her lip, in observance of who I’m with. “Excuse me.”

I head over to her and place myself directly in front of her. To shield her from Gabby and Antonio. “Are you okay?”

She pastes another fake smile on her face. “Yeah…yeah I’m fine.” I know she’s trying to keep her composure, but we will definitely be debriefing later. She then asks quietly, almost like she is afraid of the answer, “Are uh…are you okay?”

“I’m actually pretty happy.” She begins to turn her head but I grab her chin to turn her eyes back to me. “I get to close that door for good and prove some things to you.” I beg her with my unsaid words and eyes to believe me. To trust and have faith in me.

She starts to answer, when we overhear Cruz, “So we know why Gabby’s here, but I never heard your reason man.” I hear the aggressive edge to his voice and thank God he is putting Dawson on notice.

Antonio looks bewildered at Cruz, but answers “I was actually headed here in a couple of days to help Eva look at colleges.” He turns to Sylvie with those annoyingly tender-filled eyes, “But when Gabby told me, I wanted to come early so I could celebrate Sylvie.”

Ritter helps with a misdirect, trying to get clarification on who this guy is, and somehow this leads Antonio walking towards Sylvie and I, eyes still only on hers, “I think we have a lot to catch up on. Are you free for breakfast tomorrow?”

Her mouth mouth opens and closes a few times, which she’s been doing quite a bunch the last couple of days. It’s kind of adorable. Her response, not so much, “Uh yeah. We should probably catch-up.”

“We need to go check into our hotel.” The idiot who let her get away then checks, “I’ll text you in the morning to pick a place and a time?” She nods her head and gives a closed mouth fake smile. He was with her for a while, yet he somehow misses that it is extremely fake. In fact the idiot seems to get encouragement from it. It gives me comfort to read this on her face, but makes me want to punch his. _Yeah asshole, you don’t deserve a chance._

Then Gabby has to add, “Girl we also need to catch up…” She addresses both Sylvie and Kidd. They decide to get together tomorrow at 51 for ‘Girls on Fire.’ And since Gabby likes to stir the pot, though she doesn’t know she’s doing it right now, she confirms, “And two is good. Gives me time to finish my lunch with Matt.” She throws another smile my way and I meet it with a blank stare.

Thankfully Molly’s is closing so they leave. Kelly and I are the last to leave before the girls. I need to make sure Sylvie understands what this lunch is. I usher her aside and tell her, “I’m going to lunch so we can have a talk about how it needs to be over. For good. That she can’t expect me to drop everything to be with her anymore. I want to let her know I’m done and I’ve moved on.”

She nods her head and I see strength behind her eyes. This last half hour was extremely uncomfortable and she still managed to get through it with grace. “I get that’s a conversation that needs to happen. But Matt you need to make sure this is what you want.” I give her a questioning look, because how does she still not know? “I don’t want you to go in close-minded. You need to figure out what’s best for you. Okay?”

“Sylvie I already know what I want.” I plead for her to understand.

But like the woman I love, she stops me. Selflessly she wishes, “Just promise me if you shut that door, it is because you want to and that you can do it with no regrets.” I nod, because that’s exactly what’s happening. I knew it before tonight, but her put down made me slam the door, not shut it.

I know Gabby and I had our good times. But we also had some incredibly bad times. Even the good times now half a haze over them to make me question if they were really good. I did love her and part of me will always love her. The part of me that can focus on the beginning of that relationship, because then it was simple and felt right. But for the first time tonight since the divorce, I wasn’t heartbroken and upset with her. I genuinely disliked the person I saw. Or at least her actions. I will never hate her. But I lost a lot of respect for her. Because how can anyone respect someone who intentionally said something so hurtful to someone as bright and loving as Sylvie Brett.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE YOU COMMENT, know that I will respect your opinion if you disagree with me about Dawson. Or if you didn’t like how I portrayed her. We all see things differently based on our own experiences. But I didn’t write this to fight and I don’t need that in my life. So if your comment is rude or disrespectful to me, I will delete it.


	15. It Started with Breakfast...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day started with breakfast with Antonio. It continued with a few surprise guests. And not long after, another night at Molly's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE BEST GROUP OF SHIPPERS EVER!
> 
> Here is the long chapter that I rewrote probably five times. This finally feels right. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Best Christmas present you can give this writer is commenting or kudos!

It had to be a dream. Right? That’s the only logical explanation. There is no reason that Antonio should be back. We haven’t spoken in months. No not months. Years. Well two. But still that is multiple years. 

If it was a dream, I don’t have to go to this fictional breakfast. Right? My phone dings and I refuse to look at it. If I don’t look at it, it won’t be real.

I get up and pray that it was all a dream. Please dear lord let it be a dream. I need coffee. Badly. So I shuffle to the kitchen and see that Emily is already up. Her laptop and stacks of medical books surrounding her. My guess is she was up hours ago.

“Morning sunshine! Ready for breakfast?”

Turning on the coffeemaker I try to manifest my prayer into existence. “Sure. We can make it a nice lazy morning. Are you thinking savory or sweet? Eggs and bacon or pancakes? Or both?”

Emily narrows her eyes at me. “Partner, denial isn’t a good look on you.”

Whining I flop down on in the chair across from her. “So it wasn’t a dream?” 

“No. No it wasn’t.” She gets up and give me a hug. “But you can do this.”

My phone dings again. I pull it out of my pocket and see that Antonio suggests Westwood Diner. One of my favorites. Grumbling I tell her, “It looks like I have an hour to get dressed and ready for this.”

“Okay up girl. Let’s go choose an outfit to make him suffer.”

* * *

It’s been easier than I expected. Well after the introductions that is. The ones where we couldn’t decide to hug, wave, or shake hands. It broke the ice since we both pointed out the obvious awkwardness, I laughed hard which he mimicked. It's been so easy, that we’ve been here for three hours already. We know a lot of the same people and I was able to get him caught up with ones he wasn’t going to have time to see. I also knew a lot of his family, so he gave me the updates, “Eva’s considering either becoming a teacher or a nurse.”

I smile, thinking of the girl I loved like a daughter. Who at one point I thought might’ve been mine. And a sister to our eventual kids. “That actually makes perfect sense. She always took care of you and Diego.” Snorting a little I add, “But also never let either of you get away with anything. Always made sure to take a moment to point out the lesson you should’ve learned from your mistakes.”

“It’s funny. I can’t believe I have a daughter that’s about to go to college, and a son not far behind her.” Looking down at the table, he pushes a few leftover bites of omelet around on his plate. “Makes me think about moving back.”

Leaning back in my chair I take a sip of coffee before I give him some encouragement. “I’m sure they’d both like that.”

“There’s a lot of time I want to make up for. I’ve missed out on too much. I took a lot of things for granted. Like…” He pauses for a few beats, so I raise an eyebrow encouraging him to continue. “Like being with you.”

Breaking our eye contact and letting my voice drop and soften in an apologetic way, “Antonio—"

“Sylvie we were good together. Right? We were at different points in our lives, but we still connected. And I think we are at the same point now.”

I push my plate aside, and scrub my hands across my face before turning my eyes back on him. “Antonio, I…I haven’t seen you or...or talked with you in two years.” Frustrated I pinch the top of my nose, between my eyes, “What’s changed?”

“Well I’ve changed.” He took my free hand and cocked his head down, searching for my eyes. “And I’ve missed you Sylvie. Dailey. It took me some time to get my life together. That’s why I went to help with the relief effort. But when Gabby came back after visiting last fall, all I could think is I wished I had come with her. Wished I could’ve seen you.”

“But we’ve had this conversation already.” I pull my hand away from his. I still feel his touch like it’s burned on my skin. He always set me on fire. I think I’ll always love him, but I know where this leads, so I remind him. “Antonio, we agreed it didn’t work. It was fun and special, but it was never capable of going long term.”

“I never said it didn’t work. Not last time. The day you walked out of my apartment I knew I wasn’t going to find anyone like you. I know we said we wouldn’t, but _I_ caught feelings. How could I not with such an amazing woman?”

Twisting my watch around my arm repeat, “We want so many different things. We got lost in the physical, but I never felt like you wanted anything truly serious.”

“I think at the time I didn’t know what I wanted. So I closed myself off from something serious. Would you ever consider giving me another chance?” This felt eerily similar to my conversation with Matt. He didn't know what he wanted, but he wants a second chance. 

“Antonio I…I loved you. But it comes down to we aren’t in the same place. I’m ready to start a family and yours is grown. Do you really want to go back to having sleepless nights with a baby and doing the first day of school? Doing it all over again? Because that’s what I want. Do you?”

He stayed silent a moment, “With you I could.”

I hold out my hands to emphasize my point. “But it isn’t what you want otherwise. And the things we agree we want…they aren’t the things that we can build a solid foundation on…it isn’t the big stuff.”

He gives me his detective stare. It’s always made me feel like he can see inside my mind. “But its more than that. Its Matt isn’t it?” While he phrased it like a question, his tone implies he knows the answer.

I gasp, “What?” The only word rattling around in my brain. He smirks at me and one other word pops up, so I voice it “How?”

He chuckles darkly, shaking his head. He begins counting fingers, first his pointer finger. “First you gave him a look when you finished singing. Before you knew we were even in the bar. It’s the look that always made me feel special when it was pointed at me.” Adding his middle finger he elaborated, “And that look held a hundred times more warmth than it did with me.” With his ring finger he hit an insecurity like a hitting a nail on the head, “You looked distraught when you looked at Gabby. Wracked with guilt is my guess.” With his pinky he let me know something I didn't realize, “And every time you looked nervous or uncomfortable you sought out his eyes.”

He started to raise his thumb but stopped. Instead, he reached across the table to take my hand. “While I was stunned, the more I thought about it last night the more it made sense to me. You two are so similar. Back when we were together, the first time, Gabby made a flippant comment that somehow the Dawsons ended up dating the two saints of the firehouse.”

I felt a tear slide down my face as I began to shake my head. Gulping, I breathed out, “Antonio it doesn’t matter how I feel because last night she made it obvious they aren’t done.”

“Still as selfless as ever I see.” Shaking his head and smiling at me, “He’s done. That much was obvious. I grew up with her Sylvie. Anytime someone told her no she couldn’t do or have something, was the time she fought hardest for it. Even if she didn’t want it. He challenged her last night.” I agree he did. When he stood up for me, he chose me for a minute. Antonio drops my hand after giving it another squeeze. “Don’t let her stop you if it’s what you want. What you both want. She’ll survive. Deep down it’s not what she wants. She’s also happier than I’ve seen her in years.” 

“But he—"

He held up a thumb with one hand and squeezed my hand with the other. “And the fifth reason I figured it out…Sylvie before he knew we were there, he had the silliest grin o his face and his eyes wouldn't leave you. He's never looked happier. Sylvie, I’ve known Matt Casey for eight years. He never looked at his fiancé Hallie or Gabby like that.”

His face was encouraging but I could also tell I hurt him. He drained the last of his coffee as I sat their sputtering. “Antonio I’m really—”

He started to get up and put his coat on and I looked up to him, “Sylvie you will always be the one I let get away. But you more than anyone I know, deserve to be happy. Whatever is stopping you from being with him, don’t let it. Including Gabby.”

I stood up to hug him goodbye. But before I could step forward he held onto my shoulders and looked at me in the eye. “And Sylvie you deserve this commendation. Remember I’ve seen you in action so I know. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but I fell for you the day I met you. Right there in the back of 61.” Chuckling he smiled wide, “So did my CI.” I smile back at him as I feel a few tears slip down my face. “You had strength I wasn’t expecting. You still do. And Kim told me about the call this medal is based on.” Brushing my hair out of my face he kissed my forehead before he spoke into it. “Don’t think for a second you don’t deserve this.”

He dropped his hands and took a step back. “I think it’d be best if I didn’t go to the ceremony, but know that I’m cheering along with everyone else. Okay?” I wipe my tears and nod my head. I reach forward and finally hug him. Hug him goodbye for the last time. I know this isn’t what I want, but I grew so much from my relationship with Antonio. I really had imagined a future together. I took more risks with him than I ever did with anyone else. He made me a little more outspoken. More confident.

We broke apart and as he stared to turn, but I stopped him. “Antonio,” he turned back with an eyebrow raised. My tears falling fast, “Please let me be the one to tell Gabby.”

* * *

_It went okay. It went okay. Nothing really big. Just the man I used to love guessing that I was in love with another man. Guessing exactly who the man I currently love was. His ex-brother-in-law. To a sister he’s close to. A sister who is smart like him. Who has probably already guessed it._

I unlock my door to find Stella and Emily at the kitchen table. They’re writing in a notepad. Why would Stella be doing school work with Emily? “Uh just…just proof-reading. So how’d it go?” Stella says with a weird tone to her voice. Emily never looked up, just took away her notepad and started to cross some things out.

Twisting my watch on my arm I figure I’d rather get my mind on something else. “Maybe I could proof read it too?”

“No Sylvie. You need to tell us how breakfast went.” Stella pushes me to talk.

Emily finally looks my way as I head to the tea kettle to get the water boiling. “Yup. Spill.”

“It really went okay. I feel like he just needed closure. Honestly, I think I needed it too. When he left he was just battling so much, so we never said goodbye. The only thing that uh…well he kind of…I mean somehow…”

Stella started laughing and clapping and then explained, “Detective Dawson figured out about Matt didn’t he?”

“Wait! How on earth did you guess that?”

“Anytime you two are in the same room it’s written all over your faces.” Stella explained, “And he’s someone who used to know you really well. _And_ he was a trained detective with the intelligence unit. Knowing he’d put it together _eventually_ wasn’t really a leap.” Snorting, she finishes, “He’s a better detective than I thought.” 

Emily leapt in, “And he couldn’t take his eyes off of you last night. And neither could Matt. So he definitely saw the looks.”

Chuckling Stella adds, “Subtly isn’t either of your strong suits when you start staring.”

Groaning I put my head in my hands. “But if he knows, then that has to mean Gabby knows.” I then peek through my fingers to see their reaction, “Right?”

Emily adamantly shakes her head. “No, no she was too busy trying to get her hooks back into him. Trust me. She didn’t.”

“Emily she’s not evil!” I huff, grab my tea and take a few sips. 

“Agree to disagree.”

Stella interjects, “Emily, she’s not evil. But Sylvie. Girl she is far from perfect. And her comment last night was uncalled for and had me fighting ready.” She’s opposite Emily at the table and pushes the chair beside her back for me.

I set my tea down on the table next to her but don’t sit down. I can’t right now. There are just too many emotions racing through my system. Pacing I consider, “I think we all took that the wrong way. I think we heard what we wanted to hear…you know…I mean to let me off the hook for my feelings for him.”

Emily snorts and throws her pen down on top of her notebook. “Partner if the whole room takes it the same way, then there’s a reason they did.”

Frustrated I shout, “But it doesn’t make up for the fact that I am in love with my ex-best-friend’s ex-husband!”

Which is the perfect time for someone to knock on my front door. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no. It’s probably Gabby. It would be my luck. Really the height of all the crap that’s happened in the last seventy-two hours between Matt and I. My girls freeze and look at the door and I realize something unpleasant. It’s _my_ apartment, so that means I have to be the one to open the door. Lifting my shoulders and shaking my hands out, I move to the door, close my eyes and open it.

“Sylvie Bean!” I hear before I feel myself being lifted into a bear hug. I’m put down and attacked from each side by warm loving arms. Four of them. I am a Sylvie sandwich for the second time this week.

“M-mom? Da-dad? What on earth are you doing here?” I exclaim.

My mom then starts talking a million miles a minute as she breaks apart looking at my father with large eyes before turning back to me. “Hi honey! Oh well sweetheart we just needed to come and see you…and we figured it was time we see this new apartment. And uh. You know see maybe a show in town or something. Yeah. That’s why. Mmhm.”

I step back and look at my mother in the eyes. “Mooooom…”

“Sylvie Brett, your mother is a worse liar than you. Didn’t think that was possible partner!” Emily and Stella both grin wide.

Realizing I’m being rude, “Mom, dad this is Emily Foster and Stella Kidd.” My parents light up because they recognize the names. “Stella and Emily these are my parents, Charles and Martha Brett.”

“You're the women my Sylvie Bean keeps getting into trouble with.” My dad reaches out to shake their hands, “We’ve heard about both of you and my princess seems to like you. She’s thinks you both are fairly adequate,” he says with a mischievous smirk of his own.

“Daddy, stop it! Be nice!”

“Mr. Brett, I think you have your words mixed up. What Sylvie had to have said was ‘amazing, brilliant and all-around best beings in the universe.’” Stella says beaming as she shakes his hand.

“You forgot kickass. All words to equally describe your daughter too sir. Nice to meet the people who raised the amazing Sylvie Brett.”

My mom smiles and bites her lips, as she hugs the girls. Barely opening her mouth to let them know she is thrilled to finally be meeting them.

“Mom. Why are you both here?”

She hides all her teeth and both lips while she keeps her mouth shut…then she would make a ventriloquist impressed with how little her mouth opens. “I told you honey. We just felt like it.”

“Honestly Martha. No one believes you. You can just say we have a secret reason for coming that she’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Mrs. Brett, if you are trying to hide the secret of the commendation our candidate already spilled it.” Stella says, relieving my mother’s stress.

My mother exhales, “Oh thank the lord. I’m so proud I’m about to burst with happiness! I didn’t realize that once I saw her it would be this hard to not tell her!” She then turns to me and takes my face in her hands. “Baby girl I am so proud of you.” I feel tears prickle my eyes as hers race down her face. I embrace the hug she offers with her arms outstretched.

“Your chief called us and Sylvie Bean we had to come see you being honored for being the amazing woman you grew up to be. It’s about time someone else recognized what we always knew.” My dad says wrapping both my mom and I in his arms again.

“And Tom, Noreen, and Zach are on their way. They’ll be landing at O’Hare this afternoon.”

Hearing my brother, sister-in-law and nephew are coming seems like too much. “Mom they really don’t need to come all this way! Let me call him before they board and let them know they really don’t need to.”

I start heading towards my phone and my mother stops me, “Sylvie Evelynn Brett, you will do no such thing. Your brother is proud of you and wanted to come the second he heard.”

Emily then continues in a firm voice. “Brett you need to realize that this is a big deal and you deserve every bit of the attention and fanfare you get for this.”

“Like Casey said yesterday. Sylvie you didn’t _manage_ to get this. You _earned_ it.” My best friends look me in the eyes and cross their arms letting me know they are no longer putting up with my attempts to down play this.

After patting my back, my dad turns to my friends with a mischievous grin. “So. Who’s ready for an early lunch and embarrassing stories about this girl?”

As I groan Stella chuckles, “Mr. Brett you are speaking our language. Bring any pictures?” I groan realizing this is going to be a long, long lunch.

* * *

Lunch lasted until Stella had to go to 51 to start preparing for today’s ‘Girls on Fire’ lesson. Emily told me she’d take my place today. Stella was more than understanding, letting me skip it to spend time with my parents, my brother and his family.

So after picking my brother, sister-in-law, and two-year old nephew up from the airport, we spent time at the Children’s Museum while we caught up. Zach loved it and I was so thankful to get some time with him. I hadn’t seen him since fourth of July and he was getting so big, so quick. I’m on shift during Thanksgiving, but they decided to make a vacation of it, so they’d be here for the next four days, then Fowlerton for the whole week following.

But Grandma and Grandpa also wanted time with their grandson. After dinner and checking into their hotel, they shoved my brother, his wife and me out the door. “Take them to that place Molly’s you like so much!” I’d bet my next paycheck that Zach will probably have an aisle’s worth of new toys by the next day. But I took their advice and took them to my favorite place in Chicago besides the firehouse.

“Oh this is adorable!” Noreen burst out the second we walked into the bar. Her eyes then took in the occupants in the bar. She looked at me, “I’ve never understood why you haven’t found your guy yet. Especially with the number of firefighters, policemen, and doctors in this place. The fact that you live here two out of three days, how the hell are you still single?” But she said that way too loudly because Kelly and Joe burst out laughing. I turn to see squad occupying a few tables near the door. Most of them are laughing but not as hard as those two.

“I’ve been saying that since she broke my heart.” Severide said walking over with a beer, still laughing as he slung his arm around my shoulder and gave me an exaggerated wink, “Well the ‘how is she still single’ part. Kelly Severide,” he says shaking their hands. After they shake his hand, I point them over to the table where Chloe has moved three chairs over to the table so we can sit before she heads to the packed bar.

“51 this is my brother Tom and sister-in-law Noreen. Tom and Noreen, House 51’s Squad 3. Kelly, Cruz, Capp and Tony. And then former Squad member and my first ambo partner, Peter Mills.” I start looking around the bar to see if Matt’s here yet.

“He’s not here yet. Just finished a job and should be here after he changes out at home.” Severide chuckles quietly to me.

I look away and shrug my shoulders after Chloe brings Tom, Noreen and I beers. I quickly take a sip before I whisper back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He just snorts, “Don’t play dumb sis.” Tom turns to him with a confused look and Severide smiles, “I’m her self-appointed Chicago brother.”

Tom grins widely. I hold up my hand in front of his face. “You two will not scheme. Nor will you exchange phone numbers. That is the present you can give me for this stupid ceremony."

Everyone laughs, at me as the two of them start talking around my back. Joe pulls my brother’s attention away from Kelly and back to him. “Tommy! It’s great to finally meet you in person man. I see you finally worked up the courage to ask Noreen to marry your sorry self.”

Noreen blushed and my brother grinned, “That’s right Joe. Also managed to become a First Lieutenant since then too.” He says as he straightens up and pulls Noreen in to kiss her forehead. “They have sexier uniforms, so it made it harder for this one to say no.”

“I’ve always thought Captain’s uniforms were sexier. Right Sylvie?” Foster asks as she slides in next to me. The glare I level her with should have set her on fire. Sometime this girl is too much like a sister.

Severide laughed, “The white shirts _are_ nice.”

I hand Emily my beer. “If this is how the night is going to go, I need wine.” Standing up, I head to the bar without looking back. After about thirty seconds I catch Stella’s eye and she nods to me.

Herman comes over and before I hand my card over, Matt’s hand pushes mine down as he gives Herman his. “She doesn’t pay for any drinks tonight.” I start to protest and he stops me. “You can argue with me after you’ve had a couple. You’re easier to argue with when you’re tipsy. Gives me a fighting chance.” Then he winks. Matt Casey actually winks. 

I give him a glare that slowly melts into a smile. It’s really hard to be mad at him when he turns on the charm. Damn him. “Fine. Thank you.”

Mimicking the words he said the night I thought mine had been broken into, “Of course. Didn’t have a choice.” I feel my cheeks redden. And like always, our timing sucks as my sister-in-law pops the bubble.

“Sister I don’t know how you don’t jump any of these men on any given night. I love your brother, but good lord. Why am I in Carolina? Should’ve moved to Chicago.” 

I start choking on my spit and Matt starts to laugh as he rubs my back. “You okay?” I nod.

“Noreen, this is Captain Matt Casey, Truck 81.”

Noreen’s smile mirrors the Cheshire cat. “Oh…Matt is it?” She isn’t subtle and Matt laughs. Which is the only reason she’s forgiven. Because I absolutely _love_ that sound.

They shake hands, “And did I overhear Noreen? The sister-in-law right?”

“And the reason you’re going to regret paying for my drinks tonight.” I say smiling sweetly at him. His eyes twinkle. _Actually_ twinkle.

“Sylvie Bean!” I hear my brother call. I drop my elbows on the bar top, my head following into my hands. I hear him come up behind me. “So don’t be mad but Kelly and I have a lunch date the day after your shift. I promise to only tell stories from the ages of 13 to 15.”

I can hear Matt trying to not burst out laughing. “Sylvie Bean?”

“Scratch that. He’s the reason you would’ve regretted it.”

His smile widens. “Would’ve?”

I was already putting my card into Stella’s hand as she handed me my wine. I drain half. “Tequila shots. Please. Quick. All of them.”

“Sorry girl. Captain already gave me orders. You aren’t paying.” She says smiling, handing it back. She walks back to get the tequila, asking over her shoulder, “Captain you want one too?”

“Just my normal scotch Kidd. Thanks.” He turns from her to me and grins down at me. “Nice, but predictable try Brett. Remember the only other option is Mouch. And I’ve already threatened stair drills.”

I bring myself up to my full height and narrow my eyes. “That’s playing dirty Matt Casey.”

“If you really want to play dirty, I’d be happy to—”

I throw my hand over his mouth when I remember our audience. “Matt let me introduce you to my brother Tom.”

He looks over my head and sticks out his hand to Tom. As he does this, Noreen looks at me and fans herself. I roll my eyes, because at this point it’s useless to fight her teasing. “First Lieutenant Tom Brett this is Captain Matt Casey. Matt, Tom.”

“Oh. You’re Matt? Kelly was telling me that I needed to watch out for you. When it comes to men around my sister wearing white shirts.”

Matt smirks at me and I shrug my shoulders. “It’s not like you didn’t know you’re attractive in your Captain’s uniform Matt.” His grin turns wolfish and I almost lean in, so I take a determined step back. “Tommy, this isn’t something the house knows is...well...Can I trust you’re going to be a good brother and be cool about this please?”

Noreen nods her head for him, “We’ll agree only if Matt gives us the tour of 51 tomorrow. The tour for the whole family.”

“Noreen—”

“I’d be happy to. I assume you're coming to the lunch before the ceremony? Come in the morning. Sylvie can show you her favorite spots, but she’ll probably be called out a couple of times while you’re there. So I’m happy to show you around.” Satisfied my brother and sister-in-law go back to sit at the table while we wait for Matt’s scotch.

I poke Matt and then point my finger at his face, though after the quick amount of alcohol I'm not sure if it's actually pointed straight at him. “But Zach doesn’t get to go on the firetruck unless I’m there. Copy?”

He chuckles and then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Copy. I’m not ruining my second chance. Especially since I closed and bolted a door today. No plans to ever walk through it again.”  
  


 _Wait does that mean?_ “So lunch went well?” _That’s what he meant right?_

“Yeah it did. I found closure that I needed. I’d like to talk about what happened.” And of course, that’s when Herman brings Matt’s scotch. “When we have time to talk just the two of us. I want to answer any and all questions you have…that is if…” I tilt my head trying to understand where he is headed with this when he finishes, “If you still want to give me a chance after breakfast.”

That feels like a lifetime ago. I take a step forward, putting us close again, “I closed a door today too. One I didn’t realize I needed to close.” I smile up at him, “I’d like to talk about it when we have time. Whenever that is.”

We stand there for a minute just staring at each other, both of us with the corners of our mouths turned up subtly. But our eyes seemed to say everything. We both want to move forward. “Good. I’m ready to show you.”

It doesn’t feel like just three days ago we were at my apartment. We should have talked before I kissed him, but his answer makes sense to me now that I’ve taken a moment to step back. Talking with Kelly helped put things into perspective. The last few days of just being open with each other has helped too.

Something possesses me to close the distance between us even more. I reach out and wrap my hand around his upper arm. Stroking my thumb back and forth I tell him, “I can’t wait.” I then get the full Matt Casey smile. The smile that makes my knees weak and causes a blush to travel down to my chest. The smile that makes me feel warmth everywhere, so deep I feel it in my bones. I have to stop looking at him so I grab my wine glass and brush my hair back, heading back to the table.

But when I look up it's like a bucket of cold water was thrown on me. I see anger. Anger written across my old partner’s face. Her lips are closed so tight and eyes so dark the warmth I felt turns icy. Guilt floods through me as I see Gabby Dawson scoff. I take a step back and feel Matt’s hand on my lower back and his whisper on my neck. “She won’t make a scene here. We can talk to her later. Together.”


	16. ...and Continued with Lunch...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt goes to lunch with Gabby and later that night heads to Molly’s ready to prove that he closed that door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First it's not edited yet because I wanted to calm some anxiety. Sorry for it taking so long. Work sucks. 
> 
> Second. I tried to not go overboard with my dislike of Gabby. I don’t think it’s too bad. But it’s still NOT GABBY DAWSON FRIENDLY. I really need to stop watching past episodes because I get sick with each new manipulative Gabby moment I find. If you need a really nauseating reminder go watch episode 4x14 ‘All the Hard Parts’ and how she gets Matt to run for alderman. You can save some time and skip the first thirty minutes. Start at 30:48. I don’t care if you think he should’ve or shouldn’t’ve run (my vote is the second, shout out to Reb_Yell’s series for making me realize how atrocious that campaign was). The moment makes me sick and I hate that it worked. 
> 
> Third, PLEASE READ END NOTES BECAUSE I NEED EVERYONE’S HELP!

I meet Gabby at noon at our old favorite pizza place, Paulie D’s. She’s already sitting down when I walk in and she smiles as she waves me over. “Hey Matt.”

She got up to give me a hug, but the second she started to press her body into mine, I pulled away. “Gabby.”

As I sit down across from her, she slowly lowers herself back into her seat. Her face has soured and she looks ready for a fight. The waitress interrupted us bringing a pizza to the table. As she left Gabby’s smile was pasted back on. “I got your favorite.”

I give her a small closed-lip smile, “Thanks.”

She seemed lost at my one-word responses. I don’t know where to go from here. I’m still furious at how she treated Sylvie last night. It’s taking all I have to not immediately lay into her. But I promised myself I wouldn’t make a scene.

“I was hoping you would’ve used your furlough to come to Puerto Rico. I was a little surprised you didn’t.” She gives me a sly smile, “Especially since we had so much _fun_ last time we saw each other.”

I huff, “Gabby things are different now. And I looked at that night as closure.”

“I don’t understand Matt. I thought you wanted to try and make this work.” She said leaning forward and putting her hand on mine.

I immediately move my hand and put both in my lap. “Yeah, I did. Two and a half years ago. Right before you left the country. Letting me know only hours before you got on a plane.”

She tried to reach for my hand again. When I didn’t respond she put her hand on her heart and softened her voice, “Matt, you know I needed to go. The relief effort needed so much help. There was so much work to be done.”

I lighten my voice, “I do know that, and I’m proud of the work you’re doing.” Her smile then grew, and her eyes had a look of victory in them, so I hardened my voice again, not wanting to mislead her in any way, “But our relationship also needed work and not just from my end. Gabby, we had a fight and the next thing I know you decided to leave the country. Without even talking to me about it first.”

“Matt we needed some time to breathe. You know I didn’t plan to stay for so long.”

“No Gabby. But I also didn’t know you planned to go. That’s the point. You always did things without including me until you already did it. Deciding to leave and go two thousand miles away. That’s not a decision you should have made without me.”

Rolling her eyes she replied, “Matt it was my decision to make.” And that's when I decided that for once she is not going to be the one controlling a conversation. I am. 

“But you felt that way about everything. You never even considered me or my feelings when you made these life altering decisions. Like wanting a baby.”

She then leveled me with a glare, similar to the one she threw my way two and a half years ago. “Matt it’s my body so it’s my choice.”

I feel my fists clench and put them in my jacket pockets. “If we hadn’t been together it would’ve been. But the thing is we _were_ together. Starting a family is a choice a couple decides _together_. And how we were going to do that was also a decision that _both_ of our input mattered. If you had been pregnant already then it would’ve been different. But we weren’t yet and you were told you could’ve died.”

She waves her hand away, “But Matt the chance was so small.”

“And what if it happened?”

“Matt it was a ten percent chance.”  
  


“Yes. Ten percent chance I was going to lose you. You would’ve been gone and the decision you made would’ve affected me. Not you. The consequence would’ve been mine to deal with.” I say irritated and getting louder than I wanted. I reign my voice back in. “Gabby, I loved you. And I wanted a baby of our own too. But I didn’t want to be a parent without you if we could help it. The whole point was starting a family together. I wanted my kids to have you as their mother.”

“But Matt it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Gabby you’re not invincible!” I yell without thought. The restaurant quiets down and I lift my hand in apology. She hasn’t moved. It’s like this is the first time she’s ever had this pointed out to her. And I know it isn’t. The look she reciprocates isn’t understanding but complete denial. She goes quiet and turns from me so I start on the next point I feel needs to be pointed out. “Did you marry me only to be able to adopt Louie?”

Her head snaps back to me, “How dare you say that Matt! We both knew that was how we could adopt Louie!”

“Then what stopped you from saying yes or following through with it the other two times I asked?”

“Matt this is ridiculous! You know why!”

“I really don’t.”

“We weren’t ready. We weren’t stable enough yet.”

“And when I used that same argument for Louie, you still did it anyway. Without me.”

“Because you were too busy. But I was able to be there for him.”

“Too busy being an alderman. Something I only did because you wanted me to. Something I never wanted to begin with. Something I told you I wanted out of when my family got dragged into it!”

“Matt, that’s just politics.” God does she not hear what I just told her? Does she not realize that her family drama and mine are lightyears apart?

“Gabby that was another place where my feelings didn’t matter and you decided. My dad’s murder was put on billboards. It wasn’t just about my mom. It was about that fact that the death of my parent, abusive asshole or not, was put up for everyone to talk about. Again. I was trying to make you happy, so I kept going. Then it turns out that decision you made for me then, interfered with something you wanted later. I couldn’t win either way.”

“You make me sound like a villain! You know you weren’t the best husband either.”

I sigh, and rub my face. “Never said I was. What I’m doing is telling you how I felt about never being included.”

“I couldn’t include you in everything Matt.”

“But see Gabby, that’s what being married or in a partnership is. Doing and making decisions _together._ ”

She looks at me and finally admits, “I can’t be dependent on you. I don’t think I could ever do that.”

That was the final piece of closure I needed. I got the few answers I needed. She wasn’t asking any questions so I start to get up, ready to leave. “And I know that. That’s why I’m not fighting for this anymore. You did us both a favor by leaving. I think I would’ve tried to make this work until you decided to leave. However long that took. And neither of us would’ve been happy.”

She then throws me for a loop and stands too, “Who is she?”

I know what she means, but I’m not bringing Sylvie into this without her. I would defend her without any problem, but I’m not going to keep her from being able to defend herself. “Who is who?”

She snorts unattractively, “The woman who made you think I treated you so unfairly.”

I scoff, “I can’t have my own thoughts? Come to my own realizations? No. No one made me think that. I realized that without anyone else’s help.”

“What changed between now and last fall then?”

“A lot has. But the biggest thing is I no longer feel guilty for moving on. I’d started to before last fall. But you were still there in the back of my mind. I realized when you came and left that voicemail, that all we would ever be able to have is a night here or there. That’s not what I want. I want a partnership. I want a family.”

“Matt that’s what I want too.”

“But only on your terms.” She starts to speak, but I cut her off, “Gabby I am never going to budge on the issue of your safety. And I know you are never going to budge on not carrying your own baby. You’ve made that clear. But the other thing I refuse to be is a doormat. I refuse to come home every night and wonder if my wife is going to respect me when I tell her that I disagree with her. If she is going to respect my viewpoint enough to even just consider it. I don’t need to be right all the time or always have my way. But I want to have a damn chance. I want to be respected that much.” And with that I walk out the door. Both physically and metaphorically. And metaphorically I lock the damn thing.

* * *

Knowing I was going to see Gabby at lunch, I switched my schedule around and called a client I was supposed to start working with after next shift. It was a complete remodel. I asked if I could start today, so I could possibly take Sylvie to breakfast after next shift. But also, so I could get any remaining frustration out by demolishing some walls. Demolition day is a therapy you get paid to do. And is definitely the best there is. I don’t even realize I’ve had a sledgehammer in my hands for four hours until I run out of walls to do. I look at my watch and realize it’s already five and I have a lot of debris to collect. I don’t get it done until after seven. I rush home afterwards and run into Severide as he makes his way out of the apartment.

“Do I want to know how lunch went?”

“As good as could be expected.”

“Good. I’ll see you at Molly’s.”

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

And an hour later when I walk into Molly’s, my foot isn’t even over the threshold when my eyes find her. She’s at the bar with Herman so I make my way over quickly.

After she orders I lower her hand and stick my card in Herman’s hand. Using my captain’s voice, I look Herman in the eye so he knows it’s an order, “She doesn’t pay for any drinks tonight.” I turn to see the adorable blonde start sputtering as her brow furrows. I can see the wheels turning behind her eyes and I know she doesn’t want anyone to bother themselves over her. Too bad because it’s about damn time someone starting putting her first and spoiling her as much as she spoils others. I smile, because it’s extremely hard not to when I’m in her presence. Especially today. So I don’t try to stop smiling. Somewhere today I also gained confidence. Enough that I find myself sort of flirting with her. I think... “You can argue with me after you’ve had a couple. You’re easier to argue with when you’re tipsy. Gives me a fighting chance.”

That was smooth right? God it’s been forever since I’ve even tried to flirt with a woman. Her glare back at me makes me almost burst out laughing. She uses that glare way too often with me and it isn’t going to stop me here. To emphasize this, I wink at her. And I see her crack, the corner of her lips turning up. The wink is not something I’ve ever mastered, but with her now mega-watt smile I think I succeeded in this instance. Before I can ask, she permits my request, “Fine. Thank you.”

She says it just like she did the other night when I told her I was staying on the couch. I parrot the words I used then back at her, “Of course. Didn’t have a choice.” Which causes a blush to settle high on her cheek bones. She leans in, and I can tell she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

She opens her mouth and she’s cut short. “Sister I don’t know how you don’t jump any of these men on any given night. I love your brother, but good lord. Why am I in Carolina? Should’ve moved to Chicago.” This declaration is said by a red headed woman a few inches shorter and five or so years younger than Sylvie. Her smile is wide and I see freckles pop out on her pale face.

I’ve heard similar conversations between Sylvie, Emily and Stella for a few years now. But Sylvie looks so shocked that this woman voiced this opinion in front of me. I can’t help but laugh when her eyes go back and forth between the two of us. When she starts to choke, I just start rubbing her back and ask if she’s okay. 

When she’s caught her breathe, she introduces me, “Noreen, this is Captain Matt Casey, Truck 81.”

Noreen smiles wide at me, but then it’s her eye’s turn for to go back and forth between the two of us. “Oh…Matt is it?” From her tone someone could easily tell my name has been brought up before and Sylvie’s cheeks redden to settle it. I laugh because it’s good to know it wasn’t just me that felt something. I put out my hand to shake hers and all of a sudden her name clicks, “Noreen? The sister-in-law, right?”

Sylvie immediately turns, but I get an impressed smile and tip of the head from Noreen. That’s comforting actually. I’m usually terrified to meet family but her observation was calming. It wasn’t pretentious like Hallie’s siblings or even judgmental like most of Gabby’s family. It was all in good fun and immediately put me at ease. Sylvie confirms my question and continues explaining, “And the reason you’re going to regret paying for my drinks tonight.” She says with a look in her eyes that shows she means it fully. She smiles with embarrassment and I don’t know why. It’s not like I haven’t told Christie about her.

“Sylvie Bean!” I hear a man, who I can only assume is her brother, shout at her. Though they don’t look anything alike. They are both adopted so that makes sense. He’s tall, tan and has black hair shaved down to a crew cut. But his smile is the exact same as hers. She leans against the bar and has her head in her hands as he continues. “So don’t be mad, but Kelly and I have a lunch date the day after your shift. I promise to only tell stories from the ages of 13 to 15.”

I try to stifle my laugh because we all know how that lunch is going to go. Hopefully Kelly will let me tag along. But mostly I’m holding my breath because of the charming nickname that fits her so much, “Sylvie Bean?”

Her blush has moved to her neck. I don’t want her to be embarrassed by them. Not in front of me at least. They’re her family and hopefully, God willing, someday mine. I’m about to tell her that, when she moans, “Scratch that. He’s the reason you would’ve regretted it.”

I was expecting her to try something so my smile deepens, knowing what’s about to happen when I see a brunette moving towards us, “Would’ve?”

She had her card in Stella’s hand fast and before Stella can reply she’s downed half her wine. When she comes up for air she begs, “Tequila shots. Please. Quick. All of them.”

“Sorry girl. Captain already gave me orders. You aren’t paying.” Stella says with a smile of her own. She drops the card back in Sylvie’s hand on her way to get the tequila. She asks me, “Captain you want one too?”

“Just my normal scotch Kidd. Thanks.” I look down at her and grin, “Nice, but predictable try Brett. Remember the only other option is Mouch. And I’ve already threatened stair drills.” Like I said I know her.

She narrows her eyes and stands directly in front of me, up on her tip-toes. She’s a little closer to my eye level, but not really. It makes me chuckle under my breathe because it’s adorable. So is the attempted outrage in her tone. “That’s playing dirty Matt Casey.”

Something she fails to remember is that she is wearing a shoulder less deep purple top with a plunging neckline. Her coming so close and standing so high, while attempting to be threatening, is undercut by her giving me a phenomenal view. And since we’ve let our attraction be known, my filter has decided to let any and all thoughts I’ve have about her through. Looking down at her flushed cheeks and heavy breathing it makes me think we could discuss this further back at the apartment. “If you really want to play dirty, I’d be happy to—”

Then she throws her hand over my mouth and I quirk my brow. “Matt let me introduce you to my brother Tom.” _Shit._ I knew that was who was near us. But she managed to distract me. Let’s be honest she always does.

Refusing to bring more attention to our little display, I reach my hand out to the younger man. He shakes back firmly and I see the younger brother scowl I used to wear when I was around any of Christie’s potential suitors. I do take it seriously, I really do, but Noreen fanning herself behind him really takes away any amount of seriousness he tries to put into it. The fight in Sylvie also seems to have drained at seeing this as she introduces us, “First Lieutenant Tom Brett this is Captain Matt Casey. Matt, Tom.”

“Oh. You’re Matt?” He says with a little recognition in his voice. It surprises me until he finishes, “Kelly was telling me that I needed to watch out for you. Well at least when it comes to men around my sister who wear white shirts.” Kelly’s a big brother who was always the best wing-man. He also knows my feelings for Sylvie are much deeper than lust. While I may have been a topic of discussion, I know he would’ve been talking me up.

But then the second half of that sentence invades my mind. The white shirt comment sounded like something a little less serious and pointed. I smirk at Sylvie and she shrugs her shoulders with clear annoyance, possibly at being caught. But as always, she doesn’t try to hide once called out. “It’s not like you didn’t know you’re attractive in your Captain’s uniform Matt.” It amazes me every time I know she’s thought of me this way. But to know it isn’t just feelings but also the obvious attraction between us makes me excited. She seems to feel the pull to because she sways into me before taking what looks like a forced step back. Her eyes widen a bit, “Tommy, this isn’t something the house knows is...well...Can I trust you’re going to be a good brother and be cool about this please?” Aw. So it’s another family trait to be terrible at keeping secrets.

Noreen nods her head for him, “We’ll agree only if Matt gives us the tour of 51 tomorrow. The tour for the _whole_ family.”

“Noreen—”

“I’d be happy to.” Honestly, I’d love it. By whole family I assume that also means her parents. That would be a wonderful way to meet them. 51 is like my home and everyone in it family. A comfortable situation. “I assume you're coming to the lunch before the ceremony? Come in the morning. Sylvie can show you her favorite spots, but she’ll probably be called out a couple of times while you’re there. So I’m happy to show you around.” Noreen gives me a secret wink as she drags Tom back to the table. I think she did that on purpose. Like she knew this was an easy and natural way for me to meet the parents. I have Noreen pulling for me at least.

I turn when Sylvie pokes me, _hard_ , and her finger moves to my face. Well as much as it can when her eyes are so unfocused. I love how much of a lightweight she is. She rarely hides how she feels, but it definitely flows easier when she’s tipsy. I still remember being told about a ‘solemn Matt Casey look.’ But right now she looks dead serious, “But Zach doesn’t get to go on the firetruck unless I’m there. Copy?”

I chuckle, because of course I’d never let her miss out on her nephew getting in the truck. I tuck a fly-away hair behind ear. “Copy. I’m not ruining my second chance. Especially since I closed and bolted a door today. No plans to ever walk through it again.”

I see a glimmer of hope in those gorgeous blue eyes, “So lunch went well?” But I also hear the nerves.

My hand is still behind her ear, so I card my fingers through it once. “Yeah it did. I found closure that I needed. I’d like to talk about what happened.” Herman hands me my scotch and I can tell it spooked Sylvie. “When we have time to talk just the two of us. I want to answer any and all questions you have” Wait hold on. I wasn’t the only one with a food date today. Shit, she was flirting back right? Was I too dismissive of what might’ve happened? “…that is if…If you still want to give me a chance after breakfast.”

She takes a step forward and I feel myself ready to be let down. That hug yesterday with Antonio was just so natural. And the situation is certainly less messy. I’m holding my breath as she replies, “I closed a door today too. One I didn’t realize I needed to close.” I exhale and she smiles up at me, “I’d like to talk about it when we have time. Whenever that is.”

Holy shit. This is happening. Really happening. Her eyes say what I’ve been wanting them too since the other night, that she wants to try this. She wants to give this a chance. I feel my smile reflect off of hers as I lean my head down slightly to almost touch hers, “Good. I’m ready to show you.”

I don’t know what makes her close the distance between us and reach out to hold my arm. But I’m here for it. She starts to stroke her thumb back and forth over my bicep as she tells me, “I can’t wait.” The smile I return is the biggest I’ve felt myself give in a long time. Her eyes are so loving I could drown in them and would if she didn’t pull them away and grab her wine glass. We do need to get back to 51 before they start gossiping more than they already are. She turns and walks towards the table, but when she is right next to me, I hear her intake of breath and see her body go rigid.

When I turn, I see what I should’ve expected. Gabby is there and she’s pissed. That is the look that comes before she goes full Gabby Dawson on something. A look that I never had a chance against. One I was always fighting alone and just for me. But looking down at Sylvie I realize that look means nothing when I can face it for someone else. Sylvie starts to pull away but I stop her. “She won’t make a scene here. We can talk to her later. Together.” I walk forward but Sylvie is frozen, so I turn back to her and put myself between her and Gabby. “What do you need me to do? What would make you comfortable right now?”

That seems to break her out of her trance. “I…I…I don’t know.”

“Okay tell me what sounds better. One, we go and pull her aside now to talk. Two, we wait to see how she handles it and go from there. Or three, we bail.”

She takes a moment to consider all options, then whispers “Two.”

“Are you sure?”

She takes a moment to look around me. Whatever she sees gives her strength. I peak over and see Foster nodding to her. She then looks at me, finally taking in my expression. “If you’re with me, then yeah. Yeah, I’m sure…Just…If she starts something can I try to calm her down first?”

“I’ll follow your lead. But if she says anything remotely confrontational or rude to you, will you let me take over?” I request, “I can’t…I won’t let her do that to you. You don’t deserve that.”

She gives me a small smile as she grabs and squeezes my hand, “Only if I can do the same for you.”

I chuckle, “God help her if protective Sylvie is unleashed.”

She laughs back and shrugs as she makes her way around me with the determined bright-eyed confidence I love about her, “If so, she’ll have brought it on herself.”

We make our way over to the table and she sits down next to her brother. I slide in next to her with Kelly on my left. Gabby has a seat at the head of the table, between Mills and Cruz. The tension is palpable. I can tell by the falling smiles that the mood just shifted. But like any best friend, Severide doesn’t let the tension build. Instead, he smiles and asks “Tom is there any chance you’ll give us one teenage Sylvie story tonight?”

“Well it’ll cost you. A teen story for a firehouse story.”

Sylvie groans and tries to slip off her stool and head towards the door. I think she’d rather Gabby lay into us. Thankfully Emily saw it coming and reels her in by her purse and then pushes her back to her seat. “Partner, there can’t be that many bad stories on either end. You’re an angel.”

Tom snorts. “Always has been. Though she tried so hard to tarnish her halo senior year.”

Like a choreographed dance troupe, we all turn to look at him with round, eager eyes, completely in sync. Severide begs, “Tom please elaborate.”

“Well there was the time she threw a party when our parents were away.”

The whole house starts laughing. Even Gabby. No one can imagine this, so Mills voices our questions, “Seriously? Brett?”

“After one of the football games. We won, so she invited the entire senior class. All twenty of them. Then they invited people, and well I wasn’t going to let my big sister have all the fun alone, so I invited people too, etc.”

“So she threw a typical high school house party?” Foster says. We know she likes parties, but it’s hard to see her doing something rebellious.

Tom grins and my new best friend Noreen shakes her head and explains, “No. Not a typical high school house party. She threw it Sylvie Brett style. She didn’t just throw a party. She _planned_ it.”

Tom explains to the blank expressions. “Besides the ten kegs and forty bottles of cheap wine, she had twenty or so cases of water in the barn, so no one got dehydrated. She also convinced the college kid interning at the local vet to give her saline IV bags so she was prepared to start treatment for alcohol poisoning. By then she’d already worked enough blood drives to get it in the vein first try.”

Everyone started chuckling and Noreen continued, “She took everyone’s keys after they parked in a field behind the house. She refused to let anyone go home before sunrise. And in order to get your keys back in the morning, you had to pass her sobriety test. She refused to even give people the ability to possibly drive home tipsy, let alone drunk.”

Chloe laughs, “A future first responder if I ever heard one.” No one laughs hard at that, just a few chuckles. But with the chuckles we give her thumbs up and a few claps for her preventing horrific crashes we see way too often in our job.

“She wouldn’t even let me drive the tractor in the morning to do chores until I passed it. Kept saying ‘people could be sleeping in the fields.’” Tom rolls his eyes. “But the whole thing was like a mom planning a high school party. She had buckets in every room with wet washcloths in case you threw up. And she had chips yes, but also plenty of vegetables on the snack table.”

While everyone laughed, she cutely points out, “We lived on a farm Tom! It was free and in the backyard! I wanted a bigger alcohol budget. And you weren’t complaining then!”

“But one thing we know for sure. Absolutely no kids were conceived at that party.” Tom grinned and batted his eyes at her, “Wanna tell them why?”

She attempts a nonchalant attitude, “I just handed out condoms.”

“Just handed out isn’t accurate. She had party bags.” Everyone starts laughing as Brett buries her head in her hands. Tom continues, “Yes, that’s right party bags with at _least_ five condoms in each…and aspirin and their own water bottle…and…what else Noreen?”

“She also had instruction sheets on how to put on the condoms. Oh and the mints and gum were a nice touch! And it was so courteous to include Chapstick!” The table was howling. Foster and Stella laughing the hardest.

I can picture it too. A teenage Brett with a hundred bags set up in a barn. Filling them with the items described. I can see her doing it with a grin on her face knowing she was allowing everyone to let loose and relax. I squeeze her knee and give her a small smile and mouth the world ‘adorable.’

She narrows her gaze at me and then turns to the table, “Hey! We all got super drunk and had a good time. No one died, no one got sick and no babies happened. And three couples that got together at that party are now married.” She crosses her arms over her chest, “So I call that a success.”

Severide snorts and rolls his eyes, “Only you Brett! You are the house mom.”

Mouch agrees, "She really is going to be the best mom."

Everyone nods their heads. Except for Gabby. I realize I hadn’t looked at her this whole time. Her eyes are directly on me and they’ve hardened. Was it the knee squeeze? Or the fact that everyone is making mom comments? Like they used to about her. Or both?

“She’s never had a nickname right? How about Mama Brett?” Mills asks

Stella interrupts, “Nope. Her brother already gave us the perfect one, Sylvie Bean!”

Cruz says smiling. “No. Mama Brett works. Remember that time she tried to come up with a CFD cheer for the seniors?”

“Hey I stand by that. It would’ve been great!” She says with confidence, that is until Cruz and Foster get up. “Oh no…you guys don’t need to…”

“I think it went something like…” They then start stomping and clapping “We are the CFD—so get on your feet—rise up cause fire safety can’t be beat!”

When the laughter dies down there is a moment of silence when under her breathe Gabby mutters, “How about back-stabbing bitch for a nickname?” She’s on the other side of Cruz and Kelly, so only the three of us hear it. And we all leap up, overturning our stools.

“Gabby get out!” I growl. Everyone’s eyes turn wide and look at us.

She laughs, “Come on Matt, it was a joke.”

Severide takes over, “If it was only a joke, say it loud enough so everyone can see who you’ve always been.”

Stella comes over and puts her hands on Kelly’s shoulders. “Babe, what’s going on?”

“Gabby was just leaving.” I answer for him.

“Matt you can’t kick me out of my own bar.”

“Not your bar anymore.” Severide assists. “Stella I think it’s time to ask Gabby to leave.”

Sylvie then tugs on my arm. “Matt what’s going on?”

“She said something completely uncalled for.”

“Uncalled for?!?! I’m not the bitch dating my best friend’s husband!” Dawson yells, quietening the bar with such deftness the crickets outside could be heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what’d ya think?
> 
> And more importantly, OPINION ON NEXT CHAPTER NEEDED: I want it to be from the view point of Gabby. Partly because I want Foster to go off on her twice, not once. And I want her to do it fully without Sylvie or Matt trying to reign it in. But I can’t decide so please let me know what you want in the comments below. Regardless the showdown will continue in the next chapter. It will either just go to Sylvie’s POV or Gabby’s. PLEASE COMMENT BECAUSE I CANNOT DECIDE! I will count votes at 6pm Central Time, because I want to continue writing it. I’ve started on Gabby’s POV, but I don’t want to get too into it if people don’t want that.


	17. ...And Ended With Molly's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a surprise hello at Molly’s and lunch with Matt, Gabby goes to help out with ‘Girls on Fire.’ The day ends with another drink at Molly’s. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I got a mixed response. So I decided to do a little bit of Gabby’s point of view. Shorter chapter, but also needed to get a plot twist in there and couldn’t figure out how to do it without Gabby. The next chapter will go back to Sylvie and Matt’s back-and-forth POV. 
> 
> AND THERE WILL BE ANOTHER CHAPTER POSTED THIS EVENING! It will be shorter, but Sylvie has some things to say.
> 
> And a reminder that I took covid out of the story, because we all need a break…but my sarcasm found a way to bring the idea back briefly. So sorry.

_“I know it’s hard for you to get back to Chicago. But Gabby we miss you. It’d be good to have you back in the house.”_

_“Chief I appreciate that but why… why now?”_

_“Well, another reason I wanted to issue the invite is that we have another meritorious promotion.”_

_“Did Matt do something else amazing? Or was it Kelly this time?”_

_“Actually no. It’s Brett. I’ve only told the house, but I figured of all the people I’m calling, you should know too. She’s getting promoted to Ambulance Commander. Everyone just thinks she’s getting a commendation. Hatcher isn’t going to tell her until right before the ceremony.”_

A paramedic getting a meritorious promotion? That’s unheard of. How the hell did timid little by-the-book Brett accomplish that?

* * *

I don’t understand what happened at Molly’s last night or at lunch today. Matt is being incredibly rude and unfair. What is with him? He fought so hard. Why has he given up? He clearly just needs some time to think.

_“Gabby you’re not invincible!”_

That’s never what he thought before.

_“That’s why I’m not fighting for this anymore. You did us both a favor by leaving. I think I would’ve tried to make this work until you decided to leave. However long that took. And neither of us would’ve been happy.”_

Oh we would be happy! You can’t just throw away everything we had! I mean who is she? That’s the only explanation. We are Dawson and Casey. An _epic_ love story. Whoever she is, she wouldn’t be with him if she understood our story. While it didn’t work out before, it’ll never truly be over. I’ll come back to Chicago eventually.

_“But only on your terms. Gabby I am never going to budge on the issue of your safety. And I know you are never going to budge on not carrying your own baby. You’ve made that clear. But the other thing I refuse to be is a doormat. I refuse to come home every night and wonder if my wife is going to respect me when I tell her that I disagree with her. If she is going to respect my viewpoint enough to even just consider it. I don’t need to be right all the time or always have my way. But I want to have a damn chance. I want to be respected that much.”_

As if I didn’t respect him? It’s not my fault he feels that way when it comes to a kid. He just needs to understand that he is being unreasonable.

I'm glad I’m doing this ‘Girls on Fire’ Thing. Sylvie and Stella will know. I mean Matt lives with Kelly and Stella so they’d know if he was dating. And Sylvie and him supposedly got close after I left. Which sort of makes sense. I mean they both were missing me, so they probably needed someone to fill that space.

I’m just fifteen minutes late, but I needed some time to cool down after that lunch. Walking up to the firehouse I see Stella setting up some equipment for some training drills. Is that what ‘Girls on Fire’ is? She comes out with the door and Brett’s partner ( _Ellie?_ _or Emma?_ ) is helping her. Stella must see me, “Hey girl! Glad you could make it!”

“What is all this? Gonna do some drills?”

“I forget you’ve never been to a meeting. ‘Girls on Fire’ is a program for high school girls and gives them an opportunity to consider a career in the fire service. So we let them do drills to see if they like it and just encourage the hell out of them. We definitely have some girls that are ready to walk into the academy tomorrow.”

“Yeah it’s all over Stella’s Instagram.” _Emma?_ says with a bite to her tone. “Surprised you didn’t look into it. She’s been doing it for almost a year now.”

I lift my eyebrow up at her, because it seems like this girl has it out for me. “No I hadn’t noticed it. But I live in a natural disaster upended country, doing relief work. I don’t really have much time to spend on Instagram.” I say with my own bite back.

_Ellie?_ snorts and rolls her eyes. “Oh sorry. Sylvie always shared what you were posting on Instagram with the whole house, so I thought you were familiar with the app. But I see it’s just for what you were doing. Got it.”

“What is your problem?” I say taking a step closer to her and narrow my eyes, giving her a challenging look right back.

She crosses her arms and pops her hip to the side. “Your selfishness. But that’s not what we’re here to do.” She backs away and addresses Stella, “I’ll get the rest of the SCBA masks.”

After she’s left, I look at Stella, “Seriously what’s her problem?”

“She’s just being protective and isn’t quite ready to let your comment go from last night.”

“What comment?”

“The one to Brett. The one where you implied her commendation wasn’t really warranted.”

“Oh that’s ridiculous.”

“Well Emily is Sylvie’s best friend. Both of us are actually. While I want to believe you didn’t mean it that way, it sure as hell came across that way. So tell me, why do you think she deserves it?”

“She…she’s…well she’s good at her job. And…And I guess she does it calmly and in a more...collected way. I mean she was always a little timid, but she could be fierce. When she wanted to be.”

I heard a thump behind me and turned to see...what did Kidd say? Emily? “Timid in respect to you. So weaker.”

“I don’t get it, seriously what is your fucking problem? ...and I never said she was weak.”

“Well then your English got bad while you were down in Puerto Rico. Timid isn’t a compliment to a first responder. And she was never nervous or shy around me. Reserved at first maybe. Still badass! So either she became a whole new person between the time she was partners with you and then partners with me, or you were too stuck up in what you thought you brought to the table.”

“You don’t even know me!”

“No, I just know the destruction you left in your wake with your 51 family. Yeah, the rescue stories made you sound amazing. But seeing how you treated my partner and the Captain put your character into question before I even heard them. The rest of the house hid their hurt well in the beginning, but not after last fall. I think that’s the time they realized they never really meant anything to you. You know when you came to see everyone but once Matt got back you never said anything to any of them again? Yeah when you did that you stopped being anything but a fond memory to them.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Oh I’m Emily. Emily Foster. Member of the 51 family and a third of the bad ass boss ladies of 51 between the Fall of 2018 and Spring of 2020. And I am Sylvie Brett’s best friend and biggest defender. And future co-maid of honor when a dumbass Captain gets his head out of his ass.” With each word this Emily came closer and closer and by the end was shouting at me as she said, “That’s who the hell I am.”

_How do I even respond to that? And Captain? Is it the one over at 90? That was the only young one I remember._

Kidd pulled her back and turned her so they were eye to eye. “Emily I know why you’re doing this. I do. But you need to stop before the girls get here. Sylvie wouldn’t want them to see this. Woman empowerment remember? Save the fighting for after dark.”

“Fine. But one more word of disrespect towards Brett and it’s on.” She says giving me a look of warning. Turning back to Kidd all her malice disappears. “What do you want the paramedic drill to be today?”

“Um…I actually don’t know what Sylvie had planned…”

“Wait, Sylvie isn’t coming?” Damn. One less person to help me figure out what is up with Matt. But out of the two she’d definitely know less about his dating life I guess.

“Crap. I forgot to tell you. No, her parents are here. Surprised her right before lunch. And her brother’s plane is landing in an hour. We couldn’t tear her away from her mom. I don’t think a parent could be prouder or want to spoil their daughter more.”

“Ooh I know! For the drill. It’s something quick too, so Dawson could help you with maybe an extra small drill or something. I could go over the importance of PPE. We just had the longest lecture of my life in my communicable diseases class and I’m not on that professor’s good side. I could totally film it to help get the stick out of his ass." She says. _Is she in med school?_ "And I mean you never know when a global pandemic could happen. And PPE is just as important for first responders as for anyone else. What do you think?”

“Okay. Yeah, that works! And all you’d need to do is a demonstration right? Oh and don’t let me forget to tell let the girls know what is happening with Brett. Since tomorrow is a Saturday they could come and cheer her on too.”

So _Emily_ , my new nemesis, turns to get some things for ambo while I talk with Kidd about which of the three quick drills we should do. At 2:30 girls start showing up after getting out of school. They all greet Kidd and _Foster_. These girls all seem excited to see Emily, like she’s been gone or something.

I’m watching this all go down, when I see a familiar girl run up and join the group. “Violet?”

“Aunt Gabby?” Violet looks shocked to see me. But she also looks like she got caught.

Kidd seems confused, “Wait Jordan, I thought your first name was Veronica?”

“Uh…no it’s Violet. I uh…didn’t want Uncle Matt to know I was doing this.”

“Wait. You’re Matt’s niece? Oh this is perfect!” Foster howls.

Violet looks down and toes the crack in the sidewalk. “Uh yeah…yeah I am.”

Stella’s face then drops. “And you said you didn’t want the Captain to know about this? Crap! Jordan you know he’s my boss right? And why wouldn’t he want you to do this? He doesn’t have a problem with female firefighters.” She then chuckles, “And besides you’re a natural. It makes a lot of sense actually.”

“That’s not why I joined. I mean I like it; I really do. But I just don’t know if it’s necessarily what I want to do.”

“So why did you join then?” I ask.

“Oh I uh…you know my friends are doing it…and…”

Foster then claps her hands and cackles, “Oh this is too good to be true! Hell yes! I can’t wait for them to find out.”

Kidd looks between Emily and Violet and back again, “Who find out what?

Foster grins and smirks at me, “I’m guessing the other reason is to meet a blond blue-eyed paramedic? One you happen to be best buds with?”

_Why would that be a reason?_ Kidd’s eyes go wide and Violet blushes a little. “Fine. Yes, I wanted to meet Sylvie.” She looks around, “Where is she anyway? I wanted to show her something.”

_Hold on_ , “Why would you want to meet Brett?” Violet turns to me and she seems at a loss for words.

Kidd seems to take pity on her. _Again why?_ And answers her questions. “Um girls I have some news on that. Gather round.”

The girls come together and one short brunette asks, “Wait is something wrong with Brett?”

“Wait did she leave? Is that why Emily is back? And this new girl is here?”

All the girls ask in fearful voices, before Violet questions, “Wait, Stella is she hurt? Is she okay?”

“No. No, nothing is wrong with Brett. Actually, something is very right!” She smiles big and so does Emily. I give a small smile because all the girls keep looking at me, and it’s not like what is going on with Brett is bad. “Remember last time when we were talking about keeping calm in dangerous situations after that call she had? The one where she showed strength in that calmness?”

“The ones with that psycho brother?"

"The one where Violet's uncle jumped out of 81 while it was still going to the scene?”

_Wait!_ “He what?” Violet kept her eyes away from mine and Stella just moved on. _Yeah I want that story later._

“Yes. Both of those calls were written like all calls in reports. Those reports impressed our chief. Especially since Sylvie left out some pretty heroic stuff that her partner didn’t. We all know Brett's modest with two T's. Boden, our chief, told Brett’s boss and recommended her for a medal. And her boss agreed...” The girls start clapping and getting excited. “...but that’s not all! They agreed she deserved a medal, but they started going through past calls and decided they’d like to give her a meritorious promotion to Ambulance Commander Brett!”

The girls started talking over each other, “No way!” “That’s so cool!” “That makes so much sense!" "She works so hard, she deserves it!" "She is going to rock being a boss!” Then Violet stopped their cheers, “Wait does that mean she can’t help with ‘Girls on Fire’ anymore?”

Foster stopped her, “Well we don’t know exactly what this means for her schedule yet. And she doesn’t know about the promotion. Not yet. Only the medal. And that was by accident.” She shook her head and muttered, ‘damn Gallo’ under her breath.

Kidd finishes, “Her parents and brother came into town last minute for the ceremony. So she’s with them. But the commendation is being presented tomorrow. And if you girls are free in the afternoon, I know she’d love for you to be there.”

“Oh we will definitely be here!” One of the taller blondes in the back says with all the girls around her nodding her heads.

“And a few of us are getting some t-shirts made that say ‘stone cold slayer Brett’ on them. If anyone wants one let me know!” Foster adds.

“Put me down for a medium!” Violet says, and lots of other girls start telling their sizes.

“Okay! So we celebrate Brett tomorrow! But today let’s do what she does everyday she steps into that ambo! Work hard and smart to be the best first responder for Chicago! Okay. So here is what we’re gonna do today…”

The ‘Girls on Fire’ thing is pretty fun. I should’ve thought of this. The next hour we spend our time doing different drills and it’s so cool to see so many young women doing something usually only guys are encouraged to do. And Stella’s right. Of course, Violet is a natural! But why is she here? Is it really to hang out with Sylvie? And why would she care about that? At the end she’s talking to Emily, so I try to catch her before she leaves.

“I’m so proud of her. I’m sure Uncle Matt is too. But when did this happen? We didn’t hear about it at dinner last week? He also didn’t tell us anything about jumping out of 81 either.” She smiles impishly, “Well not at least until I brought it up. I told him I saw the clip on YouTube. Not that there was one, but he seemed horrified that there might be. He had no clue how to explain that to mom when she laid into him.”

“Well of course he didn’t! That screams how much he loves her. But no, they found out last shift.” Emily then smiles. “I know that jump opened her eyes and I think it’s safe to say she’ll be invited to dinner soon.”

“Good! I’ve hated not being honest with her. It’s just…I wanted to meet her. I’ve never seen Uncle Matt this happy and I wanted to meet the girl who makes him that way. This just seemed like the perfect way. Can you please make sure Stella doesn’t tell him? Or her?”

“Girl only if you come tomorrow. Oh and bring your mom. Seeing that surprise is payment enough to keep it secret for just one more day. Stella will think so too. Text her before you get here.”

It looks like Violet is about to speak, but I’ve had enough listening to this. What they’re saying is ridiculous. On what planet do Matt and Sylvie make sense? They’re both just confused. I mean I know Sylvie was hurting about Antonio before I left. And Matt obviously missed me. Maybe they’re just really good friends and people want there to be more. People like this Emily who didn’t understand what Matt and I had. Sylvie knew it, so there is no way she would do anything.

“Violet I’ve missed you!” I break up their chat and give her a hug. “Sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but Matt told you why I left right?”

“Uh yeah he did. The relief work. But he also told us about the divorce.”

“Well I might have been too rash about that. We had a fight before I left and I thought that’s what was right at the time. But I’ve missed him so much. And missed Chicago. This reunion may have been good for multiple reasons.” I smirk at Emily.

“Violet we’ll see you tomorrow. I need to speak with Gabby.” Violet lifts her hand and waves, as Emily grabs my arm and pulls me a few feet away. “Based on that not-so-subtle territory marking you just displayed, I’m guessing you overheard a little of what Violet and I were talking about.”

“Yes and you’re both more than a little crazy. Matt and Sylvie? I mean come on.”

“No you _come on_ Gabby. You left him. And her. You left them both without a second glance. And you have no right to come back and interfere with something that makes them both happy.”

“He’s my husband! I think that gives me more than enough reason to interfere!”

“EX-husband! That noun has a prefix and that prefix is and will only ever be EX! And he has finally moved on. When I started here, I saw the miserable sad sack your EX-husband was. And he has built himself back up into a man I hear he was before you started dating him. And while on that journey to be his better self, he found he was much better suited for someone else. So suck it up and move on yourself!”

“They wouldn’t be together. They make absolutely no sense as a couple! And she hasn’t posted anything to social media!”

“Oh you mean the social media you never use? Because no she hasn’t because they aren’t together yet. You seem to be a big reason for that—” I start to interrupt her but this girl just ploughs through, “And there is a reason for that. Unlike you did for them, they respect you. They don’t want to hurt you. Like again, you did to them. Literally just days ago she finally admitted to feeling something for him. And he did too. That got pushed aside when all of this started happening. But make no mistake; they will be together.”

“She’s nothing like me though and he’s nothing like her exes. They could never work! They have nothing in common!”

“Well obviously everything they’ve tried in the past hasn’t worked" She said pointedly before continuing, "So why couldn't this? And nothing in common? You mean the two most selfless, nice and honorable people that have ever graced this firehouse? The two people who would never try to promote because they aren’t conceited in their amazing abilities, yet the brass thought it would be dumb not to let them when they earned it for the millionth time? The two people who love with such loyalty that they have been sacrificing their own happiness because they thought it would hurt you? The two people who want nothing more than to have someone to confide in and build a life with? The only two blond blue-eyed romantic suckers who fell for the _incredible_ Gabby Dawson act. I’m sorry _you’re right_. They obviously have nothing in common.”

“I…that’s…you’re completely seeing things…”

“No. No I’m not. And I swear if you make either of them unhappy again, I will use all my med school training to dismember you limb from limb. But before that, I will make it my mission to get all that inflated sense of self out of you, so before you die you can have a clear picture of what your legacy really is.” I look at her with wide eyes, then she steps right in my face, “Do it. I dare you.”

* * *

Who the fuck does that Emily Foster think she is? I would never hurt Sylvie or Matt. But she must be confused. She mentioned she was away at Med School, so she must be seeing things now that she’s back. But it’s fine. I’ll go to Molly’s and get some alone time with Matt so I can figure out why he’s been so out of it lately. I walk into Molly’s and see that most everyone is already here. I don’t see Matt so I go over to Peter.

“Hey Mills! What’s going on?”

“Oh we’re just talking to Sylvie’s brother,” He says and points a finger at the guy who has squad laughing their ass off. “He’s started giving a couple of stories about Sylvie, but he promises none of it is the good stuff yet. He says he has stories for days.”

As he talks I’ve been looking around and don’t see him at any of the other tables. It is a Friday night, so Molly’s is pretty packed. “Well that’ll be fun to hear…Hey do you know where Matt is?” I wait to hear a reply and am shocked when I get nothing.

I turn to him and he shakes his head after taking a sip of beer. “Gabby, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you trying to keep him on the leash too?”

“Peter I—”

“As someone who wishes he could’ve moved on faster and not had crumbs of hope thrown his way every few days, just stop. Stop and let the man go that you threw aside. Let the man move on and be happy. Let _them_ be happy.”

He then points over my shoulder to the bar. And there’s Matt with Sylvie. Her brows are furrowed and she seems annoyed with him. _See everyone is wrong_. But then he winks and I see her lose the battle she had to not smile back. And she gives him a full smile that he returns. She leans into him and he does it back. So naturally. Someone comes up next to them and puts a full-blown blush on Brett’s face. And then Matt looks down on her with love as he offers the stranger his hand. _He never takes his eyes off of her._ Brett's brother then comes up to say hello and Brett gulps her wine. I see her begging Stella for more and Matt chuckling at her. Not sure what he did, but he has Brett on her toes looking up at him with her finger in his eye. He then gets that look in his eye. The one I haven’t seen for a long time. He’s flirting with her. _He’s looking at her the way he should only be looking at me!_

I look at Peter and he gives me a challenging look back, “They work. They make sense. Don’t go Gabby Dawson on them. Neither of them did this to hurt you.”

Everyone is crazy! They do not make sense, and Matt has always been mine. I can’t help the steam that must be coming out of my ears or the anger that is radiating from my eyes. Brett grabs ahold of his arm and caresses it. The smile they share is like they don’t see anyone else in the room. So that’s what betrayal looks like. My anger is rolling off me in waves when she turns around and catches my eyes. She freezes and I see the undeniable look of guilt. Guilty means she recognizes she did something wrong. And her look of guilt is _strong_. I catch Matt’s eye and he doesn’t pay me any notice when he turns to look at her and blocks her from my eyesight. Quickly they break apart and head over to the table.

My anger is showing and everyone at the table gives eyes to me and then the two of them. Peter again turns to me, but this time he whispers, “Don’t. You’ll regret it. Don’t do it here.”

I take his advice and sit down. Severide gets everyone involved in a story with Brett’s brother. Brett being a goodie-two-shoes even when trying to rebel. Then someone calls her the house mom. They used to call me and Shay that. And Matt’s eyes are on her, loving again. Every time someone says mom his smile goes wider. _Does he want kids with her?!?!?_ His hand is on her too.

I want to control my reaction, but I can’t. This is so wrong. This is wrong what they did. I at least only mutter it, “How about back-stabbing bitch for a nickname?” Peter looks at me and shakes his head. Everyone to the right of me stands up and upends there chairs: Cruz, Severide and Casey.

Casey is the first to speak. Well yell, “Gabby get out!”

God he is dramatic, laughing to calm him down, “Come on Matt, it was a joke.”

Severide takes over, “If it was only a joke, say it loud enough so everyone can see who you’ve always been.” _Excuse me?_

I want to defend myself, but Stella comes over and puts her hands on Kelly’s shoulders. “Babe, what’s going on?”

“Gabby was just leaving.” Matt explains. I’ve seen Matt mad like this more than once. Never at me. But also never for me.

But it’s like he doesn’t remember where we are! “Matt you can’t kick me out of my own bar.”

“Not your bar anymore. Stella I think it’s time to ask Gabby to leave.” Severide tells Stella.

But I’m not paying attention to him, I’m paying attention to Brett tugging on Matt’s arm. “Matt what’s going on?”

Matt let’s his stance down for a minute and turns to her with softer eyes, “She said something completely uncalled for.”

Right, sure. I’m the one doing something uncalled for! “Uncalled for?!?! I’m not the bitch dating my best friend’s husband!”

It’s like I slapped Brett across the face. For a minute I revel in that. She deserves more than that, but it seems I’ve gotten my point across. The bar got quiet and I have all of 51’s eyes on me. I expect to see understanding and see looks of distaste. But only surprise, so they must not have known what was going on with them I guess. But their surprise seems to only settle on me. Do they want more information?

Matt starts moving towards me, but Sylvie latches onto his arm tighter. She pulls him around and puts her hands on his face. “Matt, thank you for defending me. But you told me you’d let me have a chance to try this the calm way first.” He steps back but his stance is still rigid. But Sylvie is calm, cool and collected. She quietly walks closer to me and while motioning to the door, says in a low voice, “Gabby I think we should take this outside.” Like I said before. Timid. Not ready to put up a fight. 

_Is she trying to not let anyone know what she’s done to me?_ “Right! You’d love to keep this contained. Don’t want anyone to know you’ve actually tarnished your halo! Do you want to know what your nickname should be? Back stabbing bitch! That’s what I said! Whore seemed too easy.”

Everyone at the table jumps up, but Foster gets right in front of me, getting in Sylvie’s way before I have a chance to see her reaction. “Okay first off we talked about this. EX-husband. Again, repeat after me EX! Second, I’m going to speak for Sylvie here, but if I’m wrong, Sylvie stop me. I would say EX-best friend too. For the people in the back, repeat after me EX!”

Stella then gets in my face and continues, “Third, don’t you dare talk to Sylvie that way! And forth neither need permission from you!”

“Hold on. Can we clarify something?” I exhale as the girls do and look at Cruz, “You guys are actually dating now?" They both look at each other and look like they don't know what to say or desribe it. But Cruz takes it like I do, as confirmation. "Finally!” _Wait what?_ The rest of the house joins in, talking over each other and then money starts exchanging hands.

“Wait you all approve of this?!?!” I yeall at the house. “How could you do that to me? How does family do that?”

Capp, of all people, answers “You left. And they work.”

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“Dawson, you didn’t just leave Matt. Gabby you left the whole house. Including your supposed best friend Sylvie.” Severide says vehemently. “You left every single one of us. Your 51 family. And the only people you said goodbye to were Matt and Herman and Otis. Matt to give him divorce papers and Herman and Otis so you could sell your portion of this bar.”

Cruz picks it up, “And this is only your second time back in two and a half years. You didn’t come back for Otis’s funeral or even my wedding. You didn’t even call when Stella almost lost her life. Or when Sylvie lost her mother—"

I start to interrupt him, but Foster cuts him off, “It doesn’t matter if you didn’t know. Because you could have easily known. You could’ve check in on this family. I left to go do something else, but I check back in with them, because I want them to remain my family.” She then grabs ahold of Sylvie, “And I refuse to lose an amazing best friend like Brett.”

“An amazing best friend wouldn’t do this to me.”

Stella then retorts back, “She didn’t do it with intention. And if you think that, then you never knew Sylvie Brett!”

“But look at her face! She knows she’s in the wrong. That she’s a heartless bitch!”

I see Matt, Foster, Kidd all start moving toward me, when I hear a hand slap the bar top hard. “Enough! Gabby it’s time for you to leave.” I look over and can’t believe to see Herman kicking me out.

“Herman you know—”

His voice goes from loud to outright commanding. Like he’s talking to a child. Not me. “No Gabby. Right now the only person in the wrong is you. That is not Sylvie and this is not the time or the place. So you need to leave.”

I pick up my coat and charge towards the door and as the door is about to swing shut, I hear Mouch say, “Leave like you do best.”


	18. Closure & Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Gabby leaves, Sylvie has a few things she needs to say. And then the big day is here and surprises keep on coming!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind words! I am super behind on comments, so know I am trying like crazy to answer them! I appreciate every single one of them, and your support & kudos are just amazing. Here is the next chapter I promised wouldn't be too long of a wait!

_Uncalled for?!?! I’m not the bitch dating my best friend’s husband!_

_Do you want to know what your nickname should be? Back stabbing bitch! That’s what I said! Whore seemed too easy._

_But look at her face! She knows she’s in the wrong. That she’s a heartless bitch!_

God that hurt. I remember this feeling. It has been years since I’ve felt this. This inferiority. This…this unworthiness. The last time I felt this disrespected was after that call. That call when Gabby treated me like garbage in front of a patient. After that call that hurt me so deep nothing else could touch it. The call where I needed my partner to support me afterwards. And she did the exact opposite.

Back then she disrespected me subtly. That was certainly not the case tonight. But this feeling was always there. I can remember this feeling and it’s associated with Gabby. What it feels like to be in Gabby’s shadow. It was always there when she was with me in the ambo.

_And I’m sick of it._

I start to maneuver my way around Matt, Emily and Stella but the slap on the bar stops me. I look over and see Herman. _Herman_ defending me. “No Gabby. Right now the only person in the wrong is you. That is not Sylvie and this is not the time or the place. So you need to leave.”

She walks out the door as Mouch says, “Leave like you do best.”

Emily and Stella come over to me and I hold up my finger to them. I grab my coat and start following, “Sylvie you don’t need to—” “Brett let her—”

I stop and in a firm voice while I put on my coat, “No. No, she doesn’t get to end it like that. Not before I’ve gotten to say what I want to.” And I head towards the door.

“Atta girl Brett.” I hear Severide say behind me.

“About damn time for this too. Don’t let her forget how she treated you her last shift.” Cruz says.

But before I cross the threshold, I feel hands on my shoulders and turn back, “Matt don’t stop—” but I see he’s shrugging his coat on too.

He must see the question in my eyes so he explains, “Together. Always together.”

Faintly I hear Foster say, “Okay fine. He’s doesn’t have my full blessing, but he’s off the shit list.”

I chuckle, and hear Matt do the same as he asks, “Step in the right direction?”

“I’d say a monumental leap. You were above Collins on it.” He smiles as we head towards the end of the street where we see Gabby punching buttons on her phone. Probably trying to get an uber. Which take forever in this neighborhood. Especially on a Friday night. I know this probably isn’t going to go over well, but I ask anyway, “Do you want us to give you a ride?”

She turns and scoffs, “No. I’m fine _thanks_. I’d rather eat dirt.”

I take a deep breath and pray for some grace, “Well the offer stands if you change your mind. But I don’t think you were done talking. And I have a few things I’d like to say.”

“Now you want to defend your whoring?”

I didn’t think Matt could get any more defensive but I was wrong. We are almost to her and he walks quickly as he thunders, “Gabby! You—”

But I pull him back and thank God for the amount of time in Emily’s spin classes because I am able to stop him. Barely. He turns to me and I shake my head, causing him confusion. Quietly, for only us to hear “Matt I don’t want a knight. I want a partner. One who let’s me defend myself when the situation calls for it. And Matt I need this to end as civilly as possible if I’m ever going to get closure on my end. And I have some things I really need to say. Okay?” He nods, then takes a step back, looking lost. I turn his head to look in my eyes, “But I do want you here with me. I want to do this together. I’ll have no problem telling you when I need you to join in the fight. But you’ve had a chance to say some things. My turn?”

His brow relaxes, I get a small smile as he kisses my forehead. “After you.”

I turn to see Gabby looking at us like she’s never seen us before. She has her arms in front of her and a look of determination to be in the right. I walk over to her and with all my strength I tell her, _without_ raising my voice in a challenging manner, “Gabby I never meant to hurt you. Neither did Matt. There was no spite on either of our ends. I didn’t ask to fall in love with my old partner’s ex-husband. And I fought it for a long, long time. And honestly I’m still having a hard time with it. For multiple reasons.” I turn to see Matt and understanding in his eyes.

Then I look to Gabby’s and see the same anger I saw before. “But Gabby I refuse to feel guilty anymore. Because how could anyone hate me for loving. Especially when that same person decided that the same kind of love wasn’t what she wanted? When she threw her chance at it away.”

“But—”

“But nothing Gabby. That is all you need to know. Because what I know is you don’t love Matt. Not as anything more than a friend. And the way you just talked about me in there…and the last way you treated me before you left 51…well it shows me that there was no real love between us either. You never called. You never wrote. You never even sent a text. Four years of friendship, and nothing. Not even a reason.”

“I gave Matt a—”

“A picture yeah. But didn’t I deserve more than that Gabby? You say you left because of a fight with Matt. And yes, we had a fight to. But wouldn’t a best friend do more than that if they still cared?”

“I needed time…”

“And you’ve had two years of it.”

“Stop acting like I’m the one who did something wrong. I’m not the one who betrayed a friendship.”

“But see Gabby you did. Maybe you don’t see it. Maybe you wanted us to stop and sit still until you came back. But we had to keep living life without you. We had to lean on each other, when we felt like a family member died. Gabby it felt like you died, because you never responded to any of us. And one thing I cannot forgive you for is not coming back for Otis.”

“I—”

I let my voice finally raise as tears fill my eyes. “No. You don’t get to even finish the beginning of that excuse. Gabby you’d known Otis for 10 years. He thought of you like a sister. He missed you so much when you left. Him and I, we used to talk about it. He thought _that_ was a betrayal. Turning your back on all of us. And you couldn’t even honor his memory by taking two days off to come say goodbye. But you had plenty of time to come when the coalition needed money or for the opportunity to sleep with your ex-husband.”

She opens her stance to defend herself, “I came to celebrate you, didn’t I?”

“I would’ve rather you come for Otis.” I snort _extremely_ unattractively but goodness that felt good. “And honestly I don’t know if I believe that. Gabby I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on some things. I can’t remember a single time you said I was good at my job when it wasn’t in front of other people. And I’m having a really hard time remembering anything encouraging said that wasn’t dripping in sarcasm while we rode in that ambo. And it might just be because of the first thing you said to me when you blew into town. You really came here to celebrate that I _managed_ to do something. No you came to find out how I got something you never had. But there is no _how_ because it wasn’t something new I tried. Nothing I haven’t done on any other call. So if they’re giving this to me Gabby for doing my job, I didn’t manage it. No Gabby I _earned_ this.”

“So you’re just the amazing Sylvie Brett. And you get everything you want right?”

“In the last year and a half, I have lost a brother, I broke off an engagement, I lost a mother and the ability to be in my sister’s life. I no longer get to have my best friend ride with me in 61 and I have been actively repressing love for someone who actually wants the same things I want. Who come to find out actually wants to try with me. Someone who gets what being a partner is all about. Someone who is, according to the whole damn firehouse, someone I should have been with all along.”

“But how can you do that to me?”

“And there’s the thing. I didn’t do anything to you, because you took yourself out of the equation. But I’ll say it again. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I didn’t even know it was happening until it was too late for me to change my mind. And honestly you thinking I would proves to me we never had a friendship.”

I feel a lot of anxiety and stress melt away from my body as I exhale with those words leaving my mouth and let my final tears leave my face. I feel Matt’s hand on my back rubbing my shoulders giving me a little strength to continue. “So no Gabby. I am not a bitch dating my best friend’s husband. That title goes to Stella and Emily and neither of them have a husband yet. Give Severide a few days, but not yet.”

“And God help the poor soul, male or female, who wins Foster’s heart.” I hear Matt mutter.

I can’t help the laugh that flies out of my mouth at that. He’s kinda right. I slap his arm lightly, “Matt don’t make me laugh again. It undercuts my speech.”

“Sorry Syl.” I like that. I like that a lot.

“And Matt brings me to my next point. The only nicknames I will respond to are Sylvie Bean from family, Mama Brett from 51 or Syl from Matt. I’m kinda partial to that last one.” I say turning my eyes back to his. And he winks again! _Dammit Matt Casey_. Stop distracting me. I look back at her and finish, “So the back-stabbing bitch one can be something you say but only to yourself. You say it in my presence again and I’ll let Foster or Matt take over.”

“You’ve changed Brett.”

“Not really no. I’m just a little more outspoken with you finally. Which is why I want to tell you, I’d still really like it if you’d come tomorrow.” While Gabby’s mouth dropped in shock I feel Matt tense beside me. I grab his arm and squeeze to let him know I know what I want. “Gabby, you are part of the paramedic I became. Between all five partners I grew and learned things. Things that helped me to be better. So this isn’t just a commendation for me. It’s one that came with help from all those who rode with me on 61. And we did have some good rides.”

With that I lead Matt back into Molly’s. I can feel Gabby’s stare on us the whole way. But Matt has been staring too. So I look up at him and he asks, “What just happened?”

“I got my closure Matt. I can’t look at a single moment of that with regret. That’s the goodbye I wish I would’ve received from her. An honest one. Frustrations vented, but our journey acknowledged as one that changed us. For better or worse Gabby Dawson changed me. I’m choosing to now only focus on the better and stop wasting time on the worse.”

* * *

Coming back into Molly’s the whole bar is looking to see what happened, not just 51. Herman and Stella come over as we take our seats. “So how did that go? Okay?”

I smile at Matt and he smiles back. I then turn my smile on Stella, “Yeah. Yeah, it did.”

“Really?!? No details?!? Come on Captain, give us something!” Cruz pleads.

“Honestly I’m still trying to figure out what happened out there. All I know is I’m impressed. Syl handled that like Mother Teresa.”

I turn to look at him and I grin, “Heard and comprehended that part though? Good. I’m glad.”

“Okay. So clearly something is going on officially now.” Mouch says, then like everyone else looks unsure. Matt and I just chuckle at each other. “Right?”

“I honestly don’t know Mouch. I mean he’s proven a lot of things. But one thing he hasn’t done is ask me on a date.”

“Captain, what’s the matter with you?” Gallo says and then his eyes grow wide as he realizes what he said.

“Well _candidate_ —”

“Matt I think the candidate actually has a good point here…but we can talk about that later when you ask me out.” He goes to open his mouth again but I stop him and look to 51. “If money’s changed hands then it needs to be put back. There has been a lot to happen in the last couple of days. So please let us figure this out in our own time. Copy?”

The table grumbles with agreements. Capp then claps his hands, “Hey I remember another gun story! Remember the culture center that had the shooting? Yeah I remember Chili telling me that on their way out the door, Brett and her were treating one of the ones shot when one of the guys pointed a gun at her.”

Everyone who was there started talking and nodding their heads, explaining details with everyone that wasn’t there. But I only had eyes for Tom and Noreen. “Gun? Wait you had a gun in your face?”

The horror in my brother’s voice stopped the table from talking. All except for Capp who was oblivious, “Yeah. That makes it six stories. But seven times a gun has been in Brett’s face since she started at 51. Crazy right?”

_Dammit Capp. Read the room!_

* * *

After making sure my brother had enough liquor to forget the gun stories, we all went home early. Partly because we had shift tomorrow, but also because people wanted to get rest before my big day. I mean I know everyone came all this way, but maybe I can still convince Boden and Hatcher they made a mistake. Give the medal to Stella. Or Severide. Or Cruz. Or even Capp at this point.

I don’t need coffee today because I am running on pure nerves. Nerves about this stupid ceremony. Nerves as to what stories might be told in front of my parents. I mean dad had a stint put in his heart only a couple of months ago. This would be the thing to give him a heart attack if bacon didn’t.

Then there are the nerves on nerves at the idea that Matt will be meeting my dad. And my mom. Crap. Why hadn’t that even been a thought until now? I mean it was briefly last night but then I chugged my wine, saw Gabby and forgot. Oh crap. Now I have nerves on nerves on nerves as to whether or not Gabby actually comes. I do. I really do want her there, but I don’t want this day to happen. And I really don’t want this day to happen with a scene added like a cherry on top!

“Girl you’re going to give yourself an ulcer. And you’re putting holes in your floor. Stop pacing!” Emily groans from under the covers.

“Sorry…I just…this is a dream right? This is a mistake….wait….wait no. It’s a joke isn’t it. A really funny joke! Hatcher and Boden really got me going. I never thought Hatcher was a jokester but he has to be….right?”

Emily throws the covers back and pulls my head down into her hands. “Girl take it down eighteen notches. This is not a dream or a mistake or a joke. This is a definite Sylvie Brett. And it is truly and wholeheartedly deserved. So get in your regular uniform and get to the firehouse. If you are going to pace do it there. I’ll bring your blues soon.” Her phone chirps and she snorts. “Plus your ride is here.”

“Wait what?”

“Get dressed and you’ll find out.” It’s only half an hour earlier than I’d normally leave and it doesn’t take me a long time to get ready before shift.

Five minutes later I close my door and race down the stairs. I expected to see Stella, or Matt, or even Joe…Kelly Severide….not so much.

“What are you doing here?” I say as I stick my head through the open passenger side window.

“What a guy can’t pick up his sister and take her to work?”

“This brother thing is cute, but it’s escalated really quick. Not sure if I trust it.”

“I brought coffee too.” He says and I just quirk my brow at him, before he growls, “Get in loser. We’re going shopping.”

“Was that a _Mean Girls_ reference?”

“You tell anyone and you’re dead.”

I slide into his car and look at him in disbelief, “Kelly Severide will you ever cease shocking me? Mean Girls and The Bachelor?” He grumbles so I continue, “Where are we going shopping?”

“Well …”

There is one reason why Severide would want to get me away in the middle of all of this mess. Especially when he has plans to go on furlough next week with Stella. But he remains silent as he pulls back into traffic, so I let the silence hang. But after a few blocks I can’t help it. He knows I know, so I just demand, “Severide show me the ring!”

He grins as he slows for a red light. “I need you to choose between three. The shop isn’t that far from the firehouse. Last shift Emily helped me figure out the size...”

“But you know I would know what kind of design she wants.” He nods his head. “Not as dumb as you look.”

“Aw thanks sis.”

Rolling my eyes, I see the light turn green. “Let’s go bro! Take me to them then.” 

* * *

I have to admit that little side adventure helped. It took a lot of the stress away. I could focus on that and not this silly ceremony. When we get to the house everyone is at breakfast. People come up to me and tease about the upcoming ceremony. I’ve had more hugs than even I know what to do with. We start making our way into the meeting room for our daily pre-shift brief, when the bells call for 61. And then it is call after call after call.

After our third I stop to make a call. “Matt, I know you said you’d show my family around but you don’t need to. They should be there any minute and you can just introduce them to chief. We are just headed back now, so I’ll be there soon.” The second I say that another call comes in through our radios.

I can hear Matt’s low chuckle, “You do know you jinxed yourself with that one right?”

“Yes I did, but what I said still goes. I can give them the tour. I know you have paperwork you need to do.”

“Nope. I’m all caught up. Made sure of it. Don’t worry. It’s not the first time I’ve given a tour of the firehouse.”

“But Matt—”

“Sylvie it’ll be fine. And I won’t take Zach on the aerial without you.”

He hangs up before I can respond and Mackey pulls up to call location. It was another small one, but we get two more before we get back to the house. We don’t get a seventh call as we roll back in to 51. It’s almost noon, so I know everyone’s probably in the common room eating. I tell Mackey to go eat since she didn’t have a chance to grab breakfast. “We don’t need to restock much. You go, I’ll be in in ten minutes tops.”

“Fine but I’m sending your family out to see you then. I bet your nephew is upset he hasn’t gotten to go on the firetruck yet.” Oh she’s right. Zach will definitely want to do that as soon as possible.

I just finish with the last roll of gauze when I hear my name shouted from the front of the ambo. “Sylvie!”

I turn to see one of the ‘Girls on Fire’ superstars and what must be her mom walking up the apron. Her mom looks familiar. I wonder what she does. Does she work at the hospital? “Hey Vi! What’s going on?”

I was so distracted by her mom, I didn’t see the flowers behind her back before it was too late. “Thought the best PIC around could use some decoration for the ambo to go along with her medal.”  
  


“Vi they’re gorgeous! But you didn’t need to do that!” I feel myself blushing as I pull her in for a hug. When I let her go I point my finger at her. “Wait a second. How did you know?”’

“Well when Emily and Stella told us yesterday we had to come by! The who group is by the way. I know it’s not for a few hours, but I thought maybe we’d hang around for a little while?”

“Of course you can!” I turn to the blond woman next to her, “And I’m so sorry I’m being rude. You’re Vi’s mom?”

She smiles brightly at me, “Yes. Hi, I’m Christie. My daughter just raves about you. She also thinks you are destined to be with my brother, so I had to come see for myself.”

Vi has constantly told me she wants to set me up with this mystery uncle. I feel my blush deepen more and can’t help the laugh that leaves my mouth, “So Vi you’re recruiting more people in your quest to get me to be your aunt. Huh?”

“Figured she better see for herself. Emily and Stella should be out any minute. They want to see your face when you meet him.”

My eyes round and I look at her nervously, “Wait what? You brought him here?” Vi grins wide just as I feel someone run into my legs.

“Aunt Wylvie!”

Distracted for a moment, I lower myself to pick up my nephew, “Zach honey we have to be careful out here on the app floor okay. You can’t run around without me or your mom or your dad. Or even Captain Matt. Okay?” He holds me tight as I see Tom and Matt laughing as they round the side of the ambo. I turn back to Vi. “This is the only person that calls me Aunt Sylvie right now. Zach can you say hi to Vi and Christie?”

As Zach starts to wave, I interrupt Tom and Matt. He gives me a small smile as I hand Zach back to my brother for safekeeping. The rest of my family, Emily and Stella walk out to join us. 

Matt stops and asks, “They finally stopped playing your song?”

“Yes, thank goodness!” Remembering I was speaking with Vi and her mom, “Oh Matt these are—"

“Violet? Christie?”

“Hey Uncle Matt!” And I feel my mouth drop to join his. Wait what? Matt’s niece and sister?

“Violet, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see Sylvie get her medal. And thought we’d come a little early to see you.”

Shaking my head, I try to understand, “Hold on wait a second. This is the uncle?”

I expect Violet to answer but Stella and Emily are leaning on the ambo, snacking on celery and smiling as they both answer together, “Yup!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if I don't post again before then, Happy New Year and goodbye 2020!


	19. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations for the commendation ceremony are underway. Matt meets the parents, says hi to surprise guests and tries to get Sylvie to accept she deserves all the pomp and circumstance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! 2021 please be nicer to us!
> 
> Okay. Here is the longest chapter by about 1200 more words! Whew! A very light hearted chapter that I hope gives you some warm fuzzies to help with this cold day! (It's snowing where I am. If it's a warm day where you are, I'm sorry you'll have to read this in front of the AC then.) 
> 
> I cannot believe the support this story continues to receive! Know I get so excited with each notification I get letting me know I have a comment! I love hearing what you like and want to hear where you think I could improve. I've gotten some many comments talking about how Brett deserves the promotion, so we have to show a united front on this! So...
> 
> Reminder to everyone that on January 6th during the air time tweet #CommanderBrett!

_Matt, I don’t want a knight. I want a partner. One who lets me defend myself when the situation calls for it… **But I do want you here with me...** I’ll have no problem telling you when I need you to join in the fight._

That’s all I needed. To know I won’t ever be in the dark. Not even on the sideline per se. She wants me on deck. If I’m not in the fight, that’s all I ever need to be. Next to her, ready for when she needs me to be.

_I didn’t ask to fall in love with my old partner’s ex-husband…Honestly I’m still having a hard time with it. For multiple reasons._

I know Sylvie. But I’m going to try and make it easier. And I’m glad to know we’re on the same page. I don’t think she realizes that’s the first time she’s let me know the depth of her feelings. But I’m right there with her.

_So if they’re giving this to me Gabby, for doing my job, I didn’t manage it. No Gabby I **earned** this._

Yes, she did. And I will remind her of that. Especially when she starts fighting back today when they tell her about the promotion. 

_…The back-stabbing bitch one can be something you say but only to yourself. You say it in my presence again and I’ll let Foster or Matt take over._

With pleasure.

Her whole demeanor last night was just impressive. That is the word to describe Sylvie in everything she does. **_Impressive_**. She handled that like royalty. Diplomatic. Like a saint. Gracefully.

_“…One thing he hasn’t done is ask me on a date.” “Captain, what’s the matter with you?”_ _“Matt I think the candidate actually has a good point here…but we can talk about that later when you ask me out.”_

And I will. As soon as things go back to semi-normal. I don’t want to pull away from her focus today. She doesn’t know how big the day is really going to be. And if I know her like I think I do; she’s going to be coming up with a million excuses as to why she doesn’t deserve this. Today is all about encouraging her like she does for the rest of us every single day.

I make it to the firehouse three hours early so that I can make sure I get all my paperwork done. I don’t want to miss a moment to support her today. I get done with time to spare for breakfast. I’m about to leave my quarters when I see Sylvie enter the bunkroom with Severide. I expect to see her nervous but she has a bounce in her step and she is talking a million miles a minute. “—or you could do that thing at the top of Sears tower…but that’s doesn’t really fit either of you…Oh what about at Molly’s? Ooh or–”

Severide waves at me as they pass and smiles wide. “Brett chill. I have a couple of ideas that I still haven’t checked out yet. I’ll narrow that list down to a couple options and get your input then. Okay?”

“You better!” She spots me and smiles, “Morning Casey.” Then turns back immediately to Severide. “Oh! Kelly where are you going to hide it? You know she has a sixth sense for this kind of thing…put it in Matt’s quarters?”

Severide throws his duffle in his quarters and reaches into his pocket. “Jesus Brett. Calm down! Today is your day!” He then pulls out a small box, and I know exactly why he is getting the third degree. He hands it to me, “I was going to take her next week but decided to try and distract her from any possible nerves.” He drops the box in my hands and then turns to look down at Brett, “I didn’t realize I was creating a different monster.”

“Excuse me.” She folds her arms across her chest, “I resent that.”

I chuckle, because how can you not at her adorable outrage. “First off, congrats man. Second, come on. This is the girl who spilled the news about Cruz’s engagement the second it happened. You really expected her to not be overly enthusiastic? Or have the ability to keep _this_ a secret?”

I get a punch to the arm, “Matt Casey! I can keep a secret!” Both Kelly and I look at her like she’s lost her mind. She hmphs and turns to Severide to promise, “I will _not_ ruin this moment for my best friend. As long as I know how and when it’s going to happen and that you let me help in any way I can.”

“Deal.” He says as he wraps her in a hug. “Case can you hide that somewhere?”

“Of course. Gives me a chance to prep for my best man duties. Never thought this day would come.”

“Eek! And it _finally_ has! But actually, the cabin would be a good option, but not if—”

Kelly interrupts her, “BRETT! This is _your_ day! Stella would want you focusing on that!” Her excitement dampens and I see the wheels in her head start to turn.

“And Gallo got here early to make waffles and got all the fruit you like to put on them.” 

“Waffles. Waffles are a good distraction. Come on boys.” She loops her arms around ours and drags us to the common room. While we eat, everyone keeps congratulating, hugging and giving her her much deserved praise. She keeps brushing it off in her annoyingly humble Brett way.

Mills and Foster joined us for breakfast and afterward head into the morning briefing with us. Boden has a smile on his face the second he walks into the room, “Well. I don’t think I need to let everyone know what a special day this is. So to prep for this after—” And the bells for ambo cut him off. Sylvie physically relaxes and runs out the door with Mackey on her tail. “Well now…really that might make this easier. It’s been hard not letting things slip. First the house is being taken out of service at noon so we have time to get set up or get back from any calls. The only reason we’d get called out is to a high response call. At noon I need all officers and Kidd and Foster to meet me at my office so we can go over the particulars with Hatcher. He should be telling her about the promotion then, but if we think she’s going to deny it he may not tell her until after the ceremony. So it’s safe to say it will be after. At noon I want everyone else to get the seating set up on the north side of the apron and leave space for 61. Most of you remember how it was for Captain Casey’s, so set it up like that. Mackey already asked to have lunch duty but Ritter and Gallo I need you to go pick up the cake from the bakery. We will have a small reception afterwards, but the house gets put back into service at five. Everyone needs to be in dress blues ready in the breezeway at 14:45. Captain did I miss anything?”

“Just another reminder that Brett still doesn’t know about the promotion. Everyone needs to keep their mouths shut about that.” I say taking a minute to find Gallo’s eyes. He winces and I know that was heard loud and clear. “Brett’s family is coming this morning and as always make sure they have the 51 welcome. And no gun or knife stories to scare them. Chili and Borelli aren’t able to make it, but last night…well Sylvie…uh Brett didn’t rescind the invitation to Dawson. She actually made sure to let her know she was still invited.”

“Only Brett.” Mouch said as he shook his head. I look around to see the rest of the house is tense and frustrated at this latest development. They all seem to have the attitude that they don’t want her there. Out of loyalty to Brett.

“She made it clear last night that she wanted all of her old partners who could be there, to be there. She still doesn’t feel like she deserves this. She said if she had to do this, then she wanted everyone who helped her grow into the paramedic she is, to be there. So make sure there are three chairs reserved for her partners next to her family. I’ll make sure, but just have them set up. But what I do know is that she doesn’t want any of what happened last night brought up today. She made it clear to Gabby that the drama stays out of it. Meaning that drama will not be started by anyone here either. Even if it’s in Brett’s defense. If that happens then you bring it to Boden or Herman to decide how to handle it. Copy?” I received copies from everyone, though most of them were mumbled. Whether Sylvie understands it or not, 51 wants to fight for her.

“Thank you Captain Casey.” Boden says but I can see he hasn’t been informed of anything that happened last night. He gives me a look but then turns to Kidd, “Ladies, anything on your end?”

Stella stands, “A lot of you have given me sizes for your t-shirts. ‘Girls on fire’ girls will be wearing theirs this morning. But if anyone else wants one, Foster’s getting a second set made this evening so we can wear them to the after party tomorrow. In regards to the house gift, we all know Sylvie doesn’t want anything. Let alone something big. Mills and Foster are actually going to go pick up the gift after briefing, but it costs like $9.49. That’s what you said, right Mills?” Peter nods and I know I’m not the only one confused as to what this could possibly be. “Mills said he’s buying but he wants it to be from the whole house. We got an explanation for it last night, and trust me she’s going to love it.” She smiles as she looks at Mills. 

Foster continues, “Kidd and I thought she’d prefer for the money you’d spend on gifts go into a donation to a good organization. Her favorite is the Red Cross, so if you want to contribute, do it in her name and let me know how much you gave so I can give her a total tomorrow night. The card is going to be in the bullpen, so sign it this morning when you can. And that’s all from us Chief.”

“Well I have nothing else to discuss today, so let’s go out there and do what we’d normally do. Go about your day as normal until noon. After that let’s see how many times we can make Brett blush.” Boden smiles and the room chuckles. He then looks to me. “Captain my office in ten. The rest of you dismissed.” Chief finishes as he walks out the door.

Herman then informs us, “Over-under is fifteen between noon and three. All blushes have to be considered blushes by at least three people and have to take place in public spaces like the common room, the app floor or the apron. You see a blush you find me for the tally.” I roll my eyes. Unbelievable but also expected.

Severide then takes over, “Put me $20 for over. Okay everyone. No drills today, but we are going to make that app floor sparkle. So let’s get to it 51.”

After I help make sure all assignments are made, including giving window duty to the candidate who spilled the secret, I head to Boden’s office. Knocking I open the door, “Chief?”

“Come in Casey.” He waves me in as he hangs up his desk phone. He rounds his desk and sits in one of the chairs at the front, “Want to tell me about the drama I missed?”

Taking the seat next to him, “Uh…well…Dawson found out that things have changed between Brett and I. She didn’t handle it well.”

“Meaning?”

“She attacked Brett’s character in the middle of Molly’s. Words and accusations were said loudly enough for the entire bar to hear. 51 backed her up and Herman demanded she leave. Then Dawson stormed out.”

“But you said something about Brett wanting her there?”

“Brett ran after her. She addressed the accusations Dawson made. She then asked Dawson why she left without saying goodbye. Sylvie said a lot of things that she has been holding in for the last two years. At the end she told her that she still wanted her to come because Dawson is part of the paramedic she became. That she learned things from all her partners and she wouldn’t be getting this commendation without her help.”

“She’s already a damn leader.” Boden smiles as he shakes his head, “Wish she would understand that. She has to take this promotion.”

“I refuse to let her not take it sir. Chicago needs a Commander Brett.”

Boden stands, “I know you’ll let her know. You’ve both grown over the last couple of years. I know you encourage each other. I see you do it every shift, after every call.”

I smile and nod my head because that’s one of the things I love about Brett. “Sir that’s been her since she’s been in this firehouse.”

“And I think she’s finally found someone who will give the same to her that she gives to everyone else. When that day becomes official, let me know.” I nod and turn to leave. But Boden stops me, “Casey let me know when Gabriela gets here okay?”

* * *

A couple hours later 51 looks brand new and the guys are out gassing up and washing the rigs. So far only a small call for truck and engine. Backyard barbeque gone wrong. No injuries, but 61 didn’t assist. They were already out on another call and haven’t been back to the house since morning briefing. That’s actually a blessing, because Sylvie won’t stress out while on calls. Because she doesn’t let personal issues get in the way of work. Always the professional.

While the crew went out to get the rigs presentable, I stayed back to do inventory and check a few turnout coats for first shift. I was just leaving the turnout room when I heard Noreen call, “Captain Casey!”

I turn around to find Noreen and Tom with a little red-headed, eager, open-mouthed, little boy walking up the apron between them. Following them, is an older couple with smiles that remind me of Brett’s. Her dad is tall and strong, with muscles you only get from doing a lifetime of manual labor. He has a full head of gray hair and a beard that just seem right for a farmer. He looks a little uncomfortable in his slacks and dress shirt, based on the fact that he keeps itching at the collar and tugging at the pants. Her mom keeps swatting his hand away while laughing at him. Mrs. Brett is short to Mr. Brett’s tall and has on a nice dress like Noreen. Her gray hair is twisted back in a braid, much like the one Sylvie used to wear around the firehouse. Tom is wearing his uniform like Sylvie instructed him to. She said last night that she plans to get a day of family pictures out of this, ‘one of the few good things that can come out of today.’

“Tom. Noreen. Good to see you again. Welcome to Firehouse 51.” I say approaching them, letting my clipboard fall to my side so I can shake their hands. I then get down on the ground and offer my hand to Zach. “And is this the Zach who wants to see some firetrucks?”

Zach’s smile grows even bigger and he tells me, “Aunt Wylvie says I can get in them!”

“I promised your aunt that we’d wait for her to come back before we did that. But I need to have someone test out a helmet if you want to?” He quickly nods his head up and down, as I chuckle and stand, “I’ll let him try mine but then I have a plastic one he can wear for the rest of the day. That okay?”

“That’d be perfect Captain,” Tom chuckles, “But first let me introduce a couple folks to you.” Sylvie’s parents are just approaching as he says, “Mom. Dad. This is Captain Matt Casey. Captain this is Charles and Martha Brett.”

Mrs. Brett’s eyes sparkle as she reaches out her hand, “Oh Captain Casey! Glad to finally put a face to a name. It’s lovely to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine Mrs. Brett. But please, like I’ve told your son, it’s Matt.”

I reach out to give Mr. Brett a handshake. His eyes narrow and once my hand is in his he squeezes tightly. He then asks gruffly, “So you’re the one who’s in love with my daughter?” I know my eyes must widen as he chuckles darkly, “Or am I wrong?”

I squeeze back harder and tell him the truth with all the confidence I possess, “No you’re absolutely right sir. I love your daughter and I’m working towards being the man she deserves. I’ll always work towards it, because she deserves nothing but the best.”

He narrows his eyes a little further and I hold eye contact, before he steps back and laughs. “First test passed. Good to know you aren’t a coward. That Chaplin almost pissed himself when Sylvie introduced us. All I needed to know that wasn’t going to last. And you’re right. She deserves the best, so when I’m not celebrating my girl, I’m going to make sure you are worthy of her.” He slaps me on the back and then turns to look at the rest of the app floor. “Aren’t firehouses supposed to have firetrucks? Or firetrucks on scenes supposed to have captains?”

I exhale and feel a relieved smile come to my face, “Yes sir, but captains don’t need to be around for fill-ups or be there to wash them. The crew should be back soon. It’s been a slow morning for everyone but ambo.”

“Oh good. Sylvie would not be able to handle down time right now.” Martha says.

Chuckling I agree, “I thought so too. Even if we tried to distract her, she’d probably still need a new watch band by the end of shift. Calls are the only thing that could truly distract her. I just got off the phone with her actually. She was headed to another call. I’ll show you around the house until she gets back.”

I show them all over the firehouse and we’re about halfway through, in the bunkroom outside of my quarters, when Zach let’s Noreen know he’s hungry. “I have some granola bars in that drawer right there, little man.” 

And of course he finds the one thing I completely forgot about. “What’s this?” Zach says holding up Stella’s engagement ring.

I then have all eyes on me as I sputter, but like always, Severide seems to have perfect timing to save my ass. “Hey bud. I’m Kelly. And that’s a secret present I’m hiding from my girlfriend. I’m having my best friend Matt keep it safe for me.”

Zach nods his head, grabs a granola bar and gives the box back to Kelly. “Okay.”

Noreen laughs as the Bretts come to. “I was going to say Matt that seemed a little fast. I mean you need to ask her on a date first.”

“Noreen, I agree. But I’ll make a bet with you they’re engaged by next summer.” Severide wagers.

“Sev wha—”

“Well with the way they acted last night, I feel like that’s a bet I’d lose.”

Martha asks, “Meaning?”

“They’re already best friends and you can see how they feel about the other in their eyes. Martha, I’d say Sylvie hasn’t told us the whole truth about why she broke off the engagement to the Chaplin.”

“So…Kelly was it?” Charles asks

“Yeah he’s her Chicago big brother.” Tom says with a grin.

“Hi sir. Lieutenant Kelly Severide. One of about ten big brothers your daughter has in this city. And Matt’s best friend.”

“Nice to meet you. So, if you’re best friends with the captain, does that mean you’ll still give me the truth about who he is?”

“There’s nothing bad to say about him. That’s the truth. Well, nothing that matters. I have a sister sir, and if she wanted to be with Matt, he’d have my full blessing.”

“Okay. Not sure if that makes me feel better or not. I’m always going to worry about my Sylvie finding someone who is going to put her first. She’s always settled for less...” I appreciate the try Sev.

“Would you consider jumping out of a moving firetruck and jumping a guardrail off an overpass to get to your daughter, putting her first?”

“Severide don—"

Martha stops me, “Wait what?”

“Sir I don’t know if you know the story about why your daughter is getting this medal, but knowing Brett she probably didn’t tell you. Both call reports will be read in the ceremony. When you’re listening to the second call, when truck 81 gets dispatched to their location, know that is exactly what Matt did in response.”

“Severide is making it—”

“Casey is going to say that I’m making it sound like more than it was. If anything, I was making it sound less. My girlfriend drives that truck and she said she was at least going forty miles an hour when he jumped out saying he had to get down to her.”

I have all the Bretts looking at me again, so I shake my head and decide to not acknowledge any of what Sev said. “Before we go meet the guys, let me introduce you to Chief Boden.”

* * *

An hour later and I feel more relaxed. While Charles continued to grill me every so often, Noreen and Martha did a good job of getting stories out of my men to keep him occupied. It’s almost noon when Mackey walks back in the door and after introductions are made she reminds me, “Captain, Brett said something about letting Zach get on the truck?”

“That’s right. Hey Zach you ready?” Zach who had been playing a game with Gallo and Ritter jumped up and ran towards the app floor. Tom and I rushed after him, “Does that kid ever slow down?”

“Nope. Don’t know where he gets it either. Only other person in the family with that much energy is Sylvie.”

We slow down, rounding the ambo and we see Zach in Sylvie’s arms. Tom and I let out a laugh of relief. I’ve never gotten to see her with kids besides the Hermans. Her smile is the brightest I’ve ever seen it. Well in person because it’s definitely that bright in pictures with Amelia. She really is going to be a fantastic mom someday. Tom thanks me for running to make sure he was okay and I assure him it wasn’t that big of a deal and he was fine. Sylvie then drops Zach in Tom’s arm while giving him a reproachful look.

Behind us I hear the rest of the family casually coming out to see Zach’s first time in a firetruck. While we wait for them, I give Sylvie my full attention, “They finally stop playing your song?”

She lets out a sigh of relief and smiles up at me. “Yes, thank goodness!” She then turns and I look up to see what has her attention. “Oh Matt these are—"

It’s definitely not what I expected and I feel my jaw drop, “Violet? Christie?”

“Hey Uncle Matt…”

“Violet, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see Sylvie get her medal.” _Wait what? How does she know Sylvie?_ “And thought we’d come a little early to see you.”

Sylvie is next to me also looking confused. Shaking her head, she asks “Hold on, wait a second. This is the uncle?”

We both are looking at Violet to answer but I hear two-thirds of the terrifying trio say, “Yup!”

Sylvie is looking a little mad when she asks the girls, “Wait you knew this?”

As I turn to look at them, Severide runs up, “Crap. I missed it?”

“Hey Kelly!”

“Hey Violet. Here you have the makings of a great firefighter.”

Frustrated I stop everyone, “Hold on. Wait what’s there to know? And how do you three know my niece?”

Christie gives Violet the look that used to terrify me as children. It’s the teacher look. Violet turns and looks at me. “So mom didn’t know until this morning, but I’ve been doing ‘Girls on Fire’ for the last five months.”

“You’ve what?” I turn to Stella and know my voice has taken on an accusing tone, “Kidd why didn’t you tell me?”

Violet quickly stops me, “It’s not Stella’s fault. I signed up as Victoria Jordan…”

“Violet…Why?...Wait what made you…what?”

“That just confirms it. Sylvie you can’t have girls. Matt’s a boy dad. He’d never survive a teenage daughter.” Foster says. Thankfully it seems that it was quiet enough that the Bretts were out of hearing range.

“I’m cool with boy cousins. I’m sure Zach is too.” But definitely loud enough for Violet and Christie to hear.

Sylvie’s voice is small and her smile is gone, “But Vi I’m confused too.”

“We always get 51 rescue stories at family dinners. For the last couple years, my mom and I heard a lot of amazing stories with this girl named Brett. Sylvie, we thought you sounded like the perfect girl for Uncle Matt. And it was clear he had feelings for you, even if he didn’t realize it yet. My friend Yvette told me about ‘Girls on Fire’ and that she knew you. So I figured I could meet you and see if we were right. After a couple of groups, I knew we were right but I also just really wanted to hang out with you. And I wanted to figure out how to get you two together.”

“Violet why didn’t you tell me? You said five months? What did you think was going to happen when I found out?” I say looking at her both impressed that she loves me so much, but also hurt and disappointed that she broke my trust.

She looks at me and I can tell she was waiting for my reaction, “Uncle Matt I’m sorry. I was going to tell you soon. Partly because I really like ‘Girls on Fire’ and I never thought it’d be something I would want to do. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I knew you’d be upset about this.”

I bring my hand up to rub my brow and squeeze my temples, before dropping my hand to look at her. “Damn right I’m upset Violet. We don’t have secrets. That’s not who we are.”

“I’m sorry.” She drops her eyes from mine and looks to Sylvie. I see tears form in her eyes, “And I’m sorry Sylvie. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I think you’re awesome and Zach is really lucky to have you as an aunt.” She then closes the distance and wraps her arms around Sylvie’s middle. With silent tears streaming down her face she continues, “I hope you can forgive me someday. If you don’t want me to stay for the ceremony then we won’t. But I wanted to at least tell you that no one deserves this more than you.”

Sylvie hugs her back tight and strokes her hair, “Hey now. Vi, hey Vi it’s okay. How could I say no to my favorite girl on fire? Seriously don’t tell the others but you’re my favorite.” She steps back and laughs and so does Violet. “I don’t appreciate being lied to, but it sounds like you at least had your heart in the right place.” Sylvie wipes the tears off of Violet’s face and looks over at me. “And I think your uncle will forgive you too.”

Violet looks at me with a weak smile, “Not as fast as you. I think you forgave me too quickly.”

“No that’s just who she is. It’s annoying actually. Makes you feel even guiltier.” Foster offers.

Violet steps backwards towards Christie, “Well your family is here, so I’ll let you hang out with them and we can come back later for the ceremony.”

“No way girl. You’re staying for lunch. Partly because I missed out on our gossip session yesterday. I need to know whose heart you broke this week.”

“Really?” Violet looks at Sylvie with awe and then looks at me with a smile in her eyes.

After Gabby and I divorced Violet told me that Gabby never seemed to take an interest in her and always preferred her own family. She said she felt like she didn’t have an aunt. And she was right. My family always took the back burner and for some reason I let that happen. Violet made me promise that if I ever married again, I’d make sure that person appreciated that her and Christie were part of the package.

“Yes really! All my favorite people together. Who wouldn't want that?”

Violet’s smile is huge, “Awesome. Because I actually wanted to get your opinion on which dress I should get for my winter formal.”

“Tell you what. I’ll show Zach the ambo first, and then Kelly can show him squad’s rig. That way you have time to get the Captain to forgive you. You might still need time after.” She looks at me and winces, meaning my scowl is still present, though my mood has lightened since she told them to stay. “But then I need him to show Zach the truck. After that we can all go have lunch and I can take a look? And I’d also like to get to know your mom. She has to be pretty amazing to raise someone with so much heart. I think I could be pretty good friends with her too.” She shoots my sister a smile and I see Christie give her a full one back. Interesting. Gabby never even got a grin.

Violet gives her one more hug, “Thank you Sylvie.”

“Psht. Anytime Vi!” Sylvie winks as she pulls away to go to her family.

“Real quick Captain. You should know that what Kelly said was right. Violet’s top of the class. Well her and Kylie. When I found out yesterday it made so much sense. She has this natural instinct that screams Casey.” Stella says before her, Foster and Severide follow Sylvie.

I turn back to look at Violet and Christie. “I really am sorry Uncle Matt.”

“Violet I just…can you promise me that you won’t ever keep something like that from me again?”

Holding up her right hand she promises, “I swear!”

I pull her into a hug and kiss her on the top of her head, “So the firefighter gene is hereditary?”

She laughs and pulls back, “Apparently. I don’t get why they keep saying that though. I mean that mayday drill wasn’t that hard.” I raise my eyebrow because I’ve never thought so either. But that’s a drill that gets a lot of people booted out of the academy because they can’t make the time, let alone complete it.

“I’ll figure out a time next week to take you to lunch so we can talk more about it. Hopefully by then I won’t have a heart attack at the thought of you running into burning buildings behind me. Okay?”

“Deal.”

“Let’s make it an early family dinner, because I will still be having a heart attack. I need someone who knows about all of this to give me a reason to stop having one.” Christies says before she adds with a smirk, “And we should probably have someone who has seen Violet in action also there, right? Maybe like this amazing creature. What was her name? Sylvie?”

I then have the two women who think they know what’s best for me, staring daggers at me. “What you got wrong Violet,” I say giving her a pointed look, “Is that I’ve known how I feel for a while. I just wasn’t sure how she felt. Until a few days ago.”

After a few moments, Christie gets frustrated, slaps the back of my head and yells, “Stop being mean idiot.”

“She feels the same way. I had a misstep but I’m trying to prove my feelings to her.” The daggers haven’t been withdrawn so I continue, “And not that it’s any of your concern but I was planning to ask her on a date tomorrow. After the celebration party. I’m not going to take away from her moment.”

They both smile and violet encourages me, “Okay good. Because I want her to be my aunt. Like soon. Make that happen Uncle Matt.”

“I had no idea.” I deadpan. Then I look over at Sylvie with Zach and her family. She’s laughing as wraps him up in gauze like a mummy. “But yeah. Yeah, I plan on it.”

* * *

“Chief Hatcher, I really think you’ve made a mistake. It’s really sweet of you to think I did something to deserve this, but I really really didn’t…I think you should really give it to someone el—”

“Brett I’ve heard your arguments. Every single one of them in the five phone calls you’ve made to me since you found out. Each time you tired to talk me out of it. I also had a few voicemails from you that I didn’t even bother to listen to. My guess is they said the same thing. Stop trying to get out of this. It wasn’t just my decision. Have you been this hard on Boden?” Sylvie starts to talk again and Hatcher stops her, “And if you waste any more of my time trying to talk me out of it, I’ll use my authority to not give you one, _but_ _two_ commendations. The second out of spite.”

Her eyes round and she closes her lips. Hatcher turns and walks straight into Boden’s office, with Boden following behind him laughing.

Severide laughs, “So the way to get Brett to stop talking is to promise to do what she’s asking you not do twice. Good to know.” He says as we walk out of the bullpen.

“Severide I know he was joking. But he gave me that Hatcher stare that I’m rarely on the receiving end of. I just. This seems like a lot of pomp and circumstance for me just doing my every day job.”

“Brett. Can you remind me what you said to Gabby last night?”

Kidd, Foster, Severide all turn around, with curiosity since they weren’t there.

“Casey I—”

“When you told her why you thought she was really here…”

She huffs and in her cute frustrated voice, “Matt…” I give a raised brow and she pursed her lips, “I told her that if I was getting this stupid medal it was because I somehow earned it. But Matt that was—”

“The truth. Sylvie stop trying to stop this from happening. It’s happening.”

“But I don’t see why? I just got a patient to the hospital. Same as I always do. Except there was gun pointed at my head, but we’ve established that’s also fairly common.”

Foster rolled her eyes, “Girl how often do you tell a deranged gunman to stop pointing the gun at your partner and put it on you?”

“Wait how do you know that?”

“Mackey put it in her report.”

“So that’s what this is about?

“That and the fact that you pushed him back so you could get his brother to the hospital.” Kidd supplied. “Despite having the gun still directed at you.”

Severide finishes, “And then later ran towards a flaming car to save that same idiot’s life after he drove you off the side of a bridge. Knowing he probably still had the gun…”

“Oh. Well…I mean…really that’s just part of the job.” Sylvie attempted to argue.

“If you don’t accept that you deserve this, I am going to go out there and tell your parents the other five times you’ve had a gun pointed at you. They’ll hear about this call at the ceremony so I won’t waste my time telling them this story.” Foster says as she starts to walk towards the app floor.

“Emily stop!” Foster stops and turns, smiling at her. Sylvie continues, “Fine. I’m not saying I deserve it, but I’ll stop fighting it. For now.”

“Excellent! So let’s go grab lunch. I saw Mackey making those sandwiches again and I’m starving!” Kidd says as we follow her to the common room.

We walk into the common room as Capp is telling a story. One I don’t recognize. “So Severide has Chili cut the cable and now it’s the weight of both Severide and the victim. That’s when Cruz and I lose our footing and start hurtling towards the edge of the building. Cruz gets his foot on a small pipe but it doesn’t stop us for long. We start sliding towards the edge again and I just know we are going to go over the side of the building. That’s when—"

“Capp stop!”

“—Brett leaps on my back to help us with some extra weight and to also get another foot on the ground. She could’ve gone down with us but it was just the extra weight we needed before truck got there. It was incredible!”

Damn. Another time she acted like the badass she is. But I register Brett’s attempt to get the story stopped. I look at her parents’ faces. They look horror-struck and her mom is clutching her father’s arm. Noreen and Tom look shocked too. Christie and Violet are behind them and are smiling. Violet has Zach on her lap but her eyes are trained on Capp. Christie’s smile is probably just a grateful one, since she isn’t having to hear any of the stories she knows I hide from her.

Tom starts tapping Noreen on her shoulder. Repeatedly. She just lifts up her bag and gives it to him. He reaches in and grabs a flask and takes a long pull. He then hands it to his dad saying, “Based on one story last night, I’d knew we’d need this to get through the day.”

Sylvie doesn’t even acknowledge this as she slaps the back of Capp’s head. “I said no stories that would scare them!”

“Hey it didn’t have a gun or a knife in it! Captain said no gun or knife stories!” Capp complains, just as I see Martha start to blackout.

She runs to her mom and kneels down in front of her. Gripping one of her hands and in a soft but firm voice she says, “Mom it’s okay. I’m here and nothing happened! See!” She shakes the arm that’s connected to her hand, “See I’m here. Gangly arms and all!”

“Sylvie Evelynn Brett why on earth did you do that!”

“Mom are you really surprised? At ten she jumped in a well to go after a chicken! You don’t think she’d do something like that for a human? For four of them?”

“Charles give me that flask!” Martha says with enough fire that Sylvie gets back up and takes a step back.

“So Sylvie Bean, I take it there are more stories like this?” Charles asks with a mix of pride and dread in his voice.

“Oh yeah!” “How much time do you have?” “Did she tell you about the time she jumped in a pit to save a high teenage girl?” “Definitely!” “At least another 20!” “What about the time she had that parolee’s knife to her throat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the 6th - #CommanderBrett


	20. Unexpected Promotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie's commendation and promotion are awarded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> Sorry this took so long. I've been dealing with a lot of professional stress this week. Went up for the same promotion for the fifth time and was really in my head about it. Found out about the interview on Monday and had it on Tuesday. And as Sylvie is (apparently and justifiably) in a tailspin about the kiss, I was in regards to this job. I did find out Friday at 4:30 p.m. that I got it! So alcohol coma since. That is part of the reason this took so long. The other is that this is the fourth draft of this chapter, because I just wasn't liking where it was sitting. 
> 
> Something you need to know going in. No big drama with Dawson. It felt redundant and just wasn't what I wanted for Sylvie's day. I spent a lot of time on this part and I didn't like the attention she was taking from my girl. And when it comes to how Boden reacts came to the realization that for this, less is more. You may not like how I did it, but it is the first time this chapter has felt right. 
> 
> [Notice I didn't even talk about the delay because I have strong opinions and that is all I will say about that.] 
> 
> On the 13th, remember to tweet #CommanderBrett and tag me @PintSizedPO. Also know I do not understand social media at all for a 27 year old, so if that made no sense, please be nice and just roll with it.

_Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. Not a big deal. They just happen to be wrong. It’s not really worth a fuss, but it’s sweet of them to think so. It’s not a big deal. Nope. Not a big one. No siree. Nope. Not a big deal. It’s not like I’m having a panic attack or anything._

I’m pacing the bunk room in my dress blues. Trying to catch my breath.

_It’s not like mom, dad, Tom, Noreen, or Zach are here. It’s not like Foster took a break from the hospital or Peter came in from South Carolina. Not like Gabby and Antonio traveled 2,000 miles to come. It’s not like the whole ‘Girls on Fire’ group are going to be here. Including Vi, who is really Matt’s niece Violet. Or his sister Christie. Nope not like them._

The rest of the house is already lined up and ready to go. They’ll march out before me. I just need a moment. So again... _It’s no big deal._ I laugh to myself because honestly when am I going to believe that. My collar is really, really tight. And so is my watchband I start twisting it quickly, then I feel the band break off in my hand. _Crap._ Well now how do I let out this frustration? I throw the watch onto my bed and start pacing. It works for a moment. Then pacing faster works. For another moment. Isn’t pacing supposed to work in these situations? I close my eyes to try and take some deep breaths, and run right into a warm solid wall. I keep my eyes closed and prepare to fall backward, but arms catch me. Opening my eyes, I see Matt.

“Woah Sylvie. Woah Sylvie breathe for me. God Syl, you’re shaking.”

There’s the man I wanted to see, whose strength I crave right now. My eyes well up with tears, “Matt tell me I can do this.”

Matt wraps his arms around me and pulls me in. He smiles as he kisses my forehead, “You Sylvie Brett can do this. With no problem. Just another day dull day in the CFD. You’re going to go out there and get honored for your bravery and dedication to your job. Recognition that should happen every day, the department just can’t afford it.”

I shake my head, and plead the case I’ve been trying to all week. “But that’s the thing. I’m not brave, all I did was my job.”

He laughs, throwing me off, “Do you know two of many things I love about you?

Well Matt, that’s not a way to help a girl fix her breathing problems. “Uh no, no I don’t.”

“Well I should tell you first, that the two things I love most about you is your kind selflessness, and innate goodness. The things I was thinking about though, was your stubborn humbleness. Two things I love but also want to shake out of you.” I laugh. My parents constantly told me being humble was my biggest strength and also my biggest weakness. And anyone who knows me, knows I’m stubborn. He shifts so we are sitting face to face, “Sylvie Brett. Here in a moment Hatcher is going to speak. Then Boden. Then Stella and Emily. Before they give you this commendation. Can you promise me something?”

“What Matt?”

He then lays his forehead against mine and locks his eyes with mine. With so much sincerity it almost hurts, he asks, “That you’ll listen and believe their words. They’re going to list your accomplishments and then tell you why you deserve this. And Sylvie Brett you have to take it. Okay? Take the acknowledgement of what you’ve done. And accept what they give you. Every. Single. Part.”

I find myself nodding my head against his. “Okay.” We stand there for a moment as my breathing completely slows, as it’s been shallow for most of this conversation.

He squeezes my hand again. “Also, can I give you your gift now? I think it’s needed…”

I furrow my brows at him, “No gift was necessary.”

“You’re going to get really tired of saying that I think.” He pulls me towards his office and grabs something out of his duffle. He hands me a long thin velvet box. I send him a question with my eyes and he motions for me to open it.

Inside is a gorgeous white gold watch. The band feels strong, but it’s light, with a smooth inside and a delicate crisscross pattern on top. It’s not flashy, just simple. It’s something I’d pick out for myself. I look at him, “Matt this is gorgeous but it’s too much. Definitely too expensive.”

“I promise you it wasn’t too much. And we needed to get you one you weren’t going to wear down. I will say it’s the cutest nervous tick I’ve ever seen, but it was time we come up with a solution so you can have it, but also not be out hundreds of dollars in the process. How many watchbands have you gone through this year?”

I chuckle, “You know it wasn’t as much about work, but more about a certain guy at work,” I say shooting him a look that makes him smile wide. He then folds his arms across his chest letting me know it’s mine and he’s not taking it back. I roll my eyes. “Fine help me get it on.”

I see my name engraved on the inside, and know he took the time to make this special for me, so I smile at him. He smiles back and then takes my arm, “Okay let’s go do this. I can’t be next to you for this, but I’ll be standing behind you. On deck for when you need me.”  
  


I look up at him and stroke my thumb across his cheekbone. Diving into those eyes I love so much. “Thanks Matt.”

He nods and ushers me out to the guys. I keep my chin up and try to appear confident. I catch Mouch’s eye. “Sylvie, we know you hate this but you deserve it kid. You can drop the act for a minute. We know you’re strong, but you don’t have to hide your nerves with us.”

I sigh thanking him, when we all hear the door open, and a voice I wasn’t expecting to hear before the ceremony. “He’s right you know. You do deserve this.” Every member of the house goes rigid and most fold their arms in front of them, prepping for a fight. “Hey guys…”

Boden was standing towards the back of the line with me, his stance took on a protective shift when he saw and heard her, much like the rest of the house. But he was the first to speak, “Should I expect drama Gabriela? Do I need to remind you that this is a family, and we don’t tear each other down?” His eyes were hard and I wasn’t prepared to see him like this. Defending me to his favorite. I look up and know my eyes show my thoughts. He looks down at me then back to Gabby. “Before you take another step, I believe you have something to apologize for.”

Dawson hangs her head in surrender. “You’re right chief. But before I apologize to Sylvie, I need to apologize to you all.” Her words seem to catch the whole house off guard. She takes a moment to look every member of her old work family in the eye. Stopping on Herman. “I didn’t think about anyone in this house when I decided to leave. Sylvie pointed out to me last night that I should have made sure to tell each of you goodbye and explain myself. That I should have respected you that much and kept in touch with you. I didn’t mean to cut everyone out of my life. I didn’t mean to make you feel hurt or betrayed.” She looks at Joe when she said that last piece. I know she’s thinking of Otis. It seems Joe does too. “I don’t have a good explanation for you guys as to why I left. But I want to try to repair some of the damage I caused on my way out the door…if you’ll let me.”

Herman is the one to answer her. “You’ve got a lot to prove kiddo.” She nods her head before looking back down at the ground. But Herman continues, “Good thing Gabriela Dawson doesn’t take a challenge lightly.” She smiles back at him and looks to Boden who also nods his head in acceptance of her apology. 

“Uh Sylvie can I speak to you privately for a minute?”

I nod as Boden says, “You have three minutes before she needs to be back out here.”

We walk back towards the bunkroom, and stand outside of it. “I wasn’t fair to you yesterday. And while it’s going to take me a long time to get used to the idea of you and Casey…” She says as she looks to the side, where I peek over and see Matt. She then looks back at me to finish, “…I will get used to it. It’s clearly something real. Matt Casey doesn’t give that look to just anybody.” She smirks and as I raise my brow in question she explains, “Antonio pointed that out to me actually. He also reminded me that you two were the most important people in my life for a long time. That neither of you have a selfish bone in your body. And that of all the people in this firehouse, I should want you both to be happy the most.”

I don’t really believe it, but I think I got a genuine Dawson apology. I turn to look at Matt to see a little shock in his eyes too. “And Mouch was right partner. You do deserve this. I thought you needed to know before you went out there…” I reach out and pull her in for a hug, which she was definitely not expecting by her “oh.”

Pulling back, I tell her, “Thank you Gabby. And like I said yesterday, I wouldn’t be where I am today without spending day after day in that ambo with you. Thank you for coming to celebrate this with me. I really did want you here.”

“Well, you need to go back and get ready. I’m have to leave quickly after the ceremony…but I plan to FaceTime next shift with everyone. Can I call you first?”

“I’d like that.” She turns, says goodbye to the rest of the group on her way out the door, on her way to the apron.

I head back too and feel Matt’s hand on my lower back, “You good?”

“Yeah I’m good.” I say right before Hatcher comes back to let us know it’s time to start. Everyone else files out before me. I’m in the back next to Boden. Coming out of the app floor doors I see 61 shining as the sun hits it perfectly. Next to 61 are the American flag and the CFD one, next to a podium. Across from this there is gathering of chairs set in a semi-circle, and in the front row I see my parents, my three old partners, and all my superiors standing. Behind them I see other colleagues from the department I have known over the years, the Intelligence unit and also a group of doctors and nurses from Med I interact with every shift. I also see the Wives, with their newest member Chloe Cruz, and my friend Olivia with other members of my spin class (probably Emily’s doing). Lastly, behind them the entire ‘Girls on Fire’ group. On the side between the guests and podium is 51 standing at attention. Stella in front. She’s smiling at me and I look to the old partners and see Emily. They both allow me to calm myself down. Everyone besides 51 and Chief Hatcher are now sitting.

When I get up to my spot behind the podium next to Boden, Hatcher steps forward. “I’d like to welcome you all to this ceremony where the Chicago Fire Department will be honoring an outstanding member of their EMS division. PIC Sylvie Evelynn Brett is being honored today for her actions during two emergency response calls. Today we are honoring her with a commendation.” He then looks at me, and smiles guiltily. I don’t understand why, until he speaks the next words. “And this commendation will be given in the form of a meritorious promotion to Ambulance Commander.”

I don’t hide my emotions well, and I know the shock is evident on my face. I look over to Boden and see him smiling at me. I look over to 51 and see them doing the same. I look to my old partners. Gabby and Mills are smiling, but Emily rolls her eyes at my shock and give me a look that all but screams the word, ‘duh!’ But they seem to be the only ones to know this. My parents and all the remaining guests are shocked as well.

Hatcher then resumes his speech. “Normally we inform one of a meritorious promotion. But if you know PIC Brett at all, you know that she is humble to a fault when it comes to the skill and bravery she brings to the position. She does not do this job for glory or to be recognized. She does her job, representing the mission of the CFD everyday: She works to protect the lives of the people of Chicago in every situation presented and that deserves to be known.”

“On November 11th at 8:42, Ambulance 61 was called to a residence for a suspected drug overdose...” The second a gun is mentioned the flask is passed from Noreen to my brother to my father to my mother. I was told that that’s Grandma Brett’s moonshine. Even splitting the flash four ways, they’ll be drunk by the end of the ceremony. “PIC Brett then demanded and directed the assailant to point and keep the gun on her, not her partner…”

And that is when I feel all eyes on me. as I hear intake of breathes from everyone. As Hatcher continues to read the report, I let my eyes fall over everyone. First my family seems to be looking for more alcohol. And apparently they came prepared because Noreen brings out the flask I gave her for her bachelorette party. Girls on Fire all have looks of shock too and I know we will be discussing this at our next meeting. They need to understand why I took that risk and how I didn’t make it lightly. I know Foster knew, but Peter and Gabby didn’t know the details. The look I get from Gabby is never one I’ve seen before. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s attached to a smile, so it has to be good, right? Peter, looks impressed but not surprised. We’ve been through tricky situations before and he knows what protective Sylvie looks like. He does manage to mouth something that I think was ‘atta girl.’ My eyes then land on the rest of 51. I know Stella and all the officers knew the details of the call. But I can tell from everyone else’s eyes they didn’t know. Cruz in particular has tears in his eyes, and when they meet mine, he mouths, ‘thank you.’ And I nod back. Of course, Joe. She may not have been with our family long, but she was still family. Because she was a part of his.

“PIC Brett then informed the offender that they needed to transport his brother to the hospital to get him the full amount of care he needed. The assailant told her no, and once again threatened to shoot. PIC Brett informed him that she did not care what he did, she was taking the patient to the hospital. She then pushed him out of the way to get the patient ready for transport…” My family was getting more predictable as they did another round of drinks. Emily was at the end and when Noreen blindly handed her the flask, took a long pull herself probably just for the hell of it. But clearly, she’s never had moonshine, or at least not how Grandma Brett likes to make it, because I see her choke on it and I have to bite my lip to not laugh because this feels like pay back for all the times she got me ridiculously drunk.

“…later the patient died of heart failure... The next shift, on November 15th at 5:12, Ambulance 61 was called to another scene… Once PIC Brett exited the wrecked ambulance, she saw the offender’s car on fire. Despite knowing he had a gun, despite working multiple accident scenes where car fires prove their unpredictability, PIC Brett immediately ran towards the vehicle to extract and treat the assailant. With the help of Truck 81, they were able to save the offender.

For her bravery in both calls, where she put her partner and patients above her own safety, the CFD believes that these are honorable actions and traits shown by PIC Brett. CFD would like to show their admiration by promoting her meritoriously to Ambulance Commander.” Hatcher then stepped down from the podium, and shook my hand after he saluted me.

Boden then went to the podium. “It has been my honor and privilege to work with PIC Brett for the last six years. While we all know how the old saying goes, on her first day she proved to us that we cannot judge a book by its cover. She came to us from a small town in Indiana and had wide eyes. Eyes that at first glance appeared to indicate an innocence that can be a risk in this field. But within her first shift, she showed a go-getter attitude and quick-witted thinking at an accident scene. She proved quickly her skill and ability to do this job. It didn’t take long for her to understand what 51 was about and to be a member of this family. She brought this house light, in the wake of tragic grief. She pulled this house to its feet and has continued to do so with this house and community at every opportunity presented.

I could discuss all the calls that show her bravery, because they are endless. But a hero is not defined as just someone with bravery. A hero is someone who in a situation that provokes fear, does the right thing anyway. That is Sylvie Brett. A hero is a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, and noble qualities. She shows courage every time she answers the bells. She has had outstanding achievements in the countless saves she has had. And in these two calls, we can see a list of her noble traits in each action taken.

As said, she was first courageous to answer the bell. Upon immediate danger, she showed bravery when she told the man pointing a gun at her, someone who no doubt scared her, to put herself in the line of fire instead of her partner. In that bravery, she showed her selflessness, that anyone at the firehouse can tell you is the epitome of PIC Sylvie Brett. She then showed fearlessness and moved the gunman out of the way to get to her patient who needed her help. She put her dedication to the patient, before her own safety. Days later when the same man decided to come after her again, he ended up getting himself into his own life-death situation, while attempting to end hers. Sylvie Brett showed no hesitation in giving him mercy. In saving him. No instead, she just ran to help.

PIC Brett has shown reluctance each time someone has told her she deserves to be honored with this commendation. But PIC Brett, all the character traits I just described are what defines a hero. Courageous, brave, selfless, fearless, dedicated, merciful, and with your continued reluctance to recognize your heroic actions, you show us a character trait that a hero needs to be a great leader: Humility. A hero is celebrated because of the respect and admiration they create to those who witness their actions. Brett let us celebrate yours. When I read the reports that came from her partner Paramedic Gianna Mackey, I found myself feeling immense pride. When we found out about this promotion the other day, Hatcher told me any opportunity to let her practice an AC’s duties was to be taken.” _Wait what?_ I look over to see Hatcher grinning evilly.

“When we responded to high-call response, I told her she had command of the scene from her standpoint. And I saw a young woman take charge of the situation and excel. I believe that not only has she earned the title of Ambulance Commander; she will be the best this city has ever had.”

Boden then turns to me and smiles. I forget myself for a moment and hug him. I hear the barely contained chuckles from my 51 family. Chief Boden hugs me back before he looks down at me to say, “Brett I meant every word.”

And I believe him too. I feel a couple of tears fall out of my eye. “Thank you chief.”

Hatcher then steps forward again. “I would like to invite firefighter Stella Kidd to speak for the rest of the house, as to why this honor is deserved.” As he says this, Stella begins making her way to the stage. She nods at the grouping of ‘Girls on Fire’ and I see them counting down together before they all open their jackets. I barely can keep in my laugh because under their jackets they are each wearing hot pink shirts that says ‘Ambulance Commander Brett: A Stone-Cold Slayer.’ I look over to Mackey and see her tug at her collar showing me a little hot-pink and over to Stella and Emily who do the same.

“I have had the privilege to work with Brett for the last five years. I am also honored to call her my friend. I have always known she was a badass.” I look at her shocked to see her using this kind of language and see that both Boden and Hatcher don’t seem to mind at all. I look over to my higher-ups and they don’t seem quite as thrilled, but they can’t really do anything to Stella. “She helps me with an after-school program for high school girls, that encourages them to consider a career in the CFD. Not to long into the program one of the girls described her perception of Brett. Our girl Vi said it’s not every day a badass has wings and a halo. And I agree. Sylvie Brett is too good to do the job we do. Most of us have to put up walls when we go out to calls. We do this because we see things that are at times hard to see. But Brett has always let her heart be present at every call. She brings compassion and love to each scene, which comes from the fact that she is an innately good person.

She’s had five partners in her time with the CFD and when she found out about this ceremony, she said she wanted all her partners there. She stated she would not be the paramedic she is today without them. She said she learned something important from all of them. From Mills, she said she learned how to be strong. From Chili how to roll with the chaos. From Borelli how to teach. From Dawson how to be brave. And from Foster she learned the importance of the bond between partners and how to be the confident capable badass she is. All of these lessons she carries with her every day.

But her partners learned something from her too. Mills said he learned how to open his heart to the calls, something which he had trouble with in the past. Chili stated that Brett taught her the importance of a second chance. She says she wished she had taken it and not fought it as hard as she did. Borelli stated he learned the job itself from her. And the dedication he used to put into firefighting, she taught him how to channel that into being a paramedic. Dawson stated she learned how to be calmer from Brett, but also learned lessons in respect. And lastly Foster said she learned what it means to make your house your family from her and also how to be a confident capable badass.” She looks at me and winks, “Honestly the three of us bring that out in each other. I mean what else are you when on the way to a girls’ weekend you end up saving six teenagers, their hockey coach and a farmer. With just toiletries in a suitcase. And vodka. Lots of vodka.” I chuckle because that is one of my favorite calls.

  
“But with each partner a consistent phrase said was that no one deserves this promotion more. They said the CFD has never had a more qualified paramedic in its history.” I look over to Gabby, because I never thought she would say something like this. But she nods. She meant it.

“When Hatcher let us know about the meritorious promotion, he said that when he brought this to his superiors, they reviewed her history with the CFD. He said her record reflects not only moments of heroism and bravery in obstacles faced, but the ability to be calm under pressure, and doing what’s best for the patient. He said she’s also done all of this and still followed CFD regulations, which is a miracle in and of itself. And if you know Chief Hatcher, this is something he finds to be important.” and I look down to see all three of my old partners laughing and rolling their eyes. “He stated the few times she strayed from regulations was minimally and it was because it was best for the patient. She was justified in doing so. He said he has never once questioned her actions on a call. He said he wants CFD paramedics to learn from and follow her example. Sylvie Brett will bring every single quality I just shared, to her students when she teaches classes at the academy and to every EMS scene she commands. Please help me in congratulating her on this most deserved honor.”

The crowd gathered then applauded as Stella went back to stand with 51. Then Dawson, Mill and Emily got up from their seats at the motion of Chief Hatcher. Dawson and Mills have small boxes and Emily has a larger one. I immediately feel my heartbeat accelerate and twist my new watchband around on my wrist. Hatcher indicates for me to turn to my side in front of him. Facing Boden and 51.

He then narrated, “PIC Brett. This citation bar indicates your accomplishment during duty. In which you demonstrated fearlessness, valor and dedication. The city of Chicago thanks you for your service.”

Dawson walks forward after removing the commendation bar from her box to add to my uniform. Hatcher then allows her to pin it to me. As she does, Gabby says, “Congratulations Partner.” Screw protocol. I give her a hug and she chuckles, giving it right back. She then steps back as Peter steps forward.

“Sylvie Evelynn Brett. Are you willing to put the health and well-beings of the citizens of Chicago first and foremost? Are you prepared to lead as commander, with the same wisdom, selflessness, and compassion you have shown in your years of service?”

As he is asking the question my ears pick up on what he is saying, but I am looking at my colleagues. This is the part I wasn’t expecting. I see Mills smiling encouragingly along with Emily. I then look at 51, and all the reassuring nods they are giving me. Peter opens the second small box, with the bugles indicating commander that could be put on my collar. I start to refuse, but then I catch Matt’s eye and he nods down towards my hand. I see the watchband. When I meet his eyes again, he again indicates that I look down. I finally read the watchband for the first time. It does have my name, but before my name there is a title and after an affirmation. _AC Sylvie Brett – The One Chicago Needs_. I look at his eyes and remember my promise I made to him not even a half hour ago. I accept what they are saying I deserve.

Looking Hatcher in the eye, I vow “I am sir.”

With that declaration Emily takes off my PIC bars and Peter is motioned to attach the bugles. But before he puts them on. I pause “Wait!” I see Hatcher look surprised and can feel the members of the brass looking at me closely. Too late, I already started. Plus, this is important.

“Sorry Chief Hatcher but I’ve only known about this for ten minutes. A big reason I’m here today is because of this house. And they have all been encouraging me from the day I found out about this. I now hear their requests to accept this commendation for both parts. Surprisingly they managed to keep the promotion under wraps.” I say smiling at them. I get grins back. “Sir, I get a lot of my strength from them. And while I am ready to take this on, a part of leadership is knowing and understanding what works. Sir, if I am ever going to succeed, I’m going to need to stay with my family here at 51. Is…is that a possibility?”

I see Hatcher roll his eyes and know we are going to have a lot of fun working together. What I never realized before is Gabby and him probably didn’t get along because they have the same dramatic attitude. “Your house already asked about this. I knew this would be something you’d want. CFD knows how 51 operates. Most of the AC job you can do from here. Except for training for it. Teaching at the academy will be done on your off shifts. But yes, I’ve already gotten approval for you to be stationed here.”

I smile brightly. “Okay sir. Then I can vow to do all you asked of me, for the citizens of Chicago.”

Hatcher takes another moment to roll his eyes again and motions to Peter. Peter pins on the bugles and when he finishes, he gives me a hug whispering, “My partner the badass commander.” I chuckle into his chest and squeeze him tight.

Then Emily opens up the box and takes out my new hat, with the markings designating my new rank. She looks at me smiling with pride and humor as she puns, “Hats off girl.” My chuckle turns into a laugh as I remove my hat and she places the new one on my head. “Let me be the first to say, congratulations Commander Brett.” I then hug her and feel tears leave my eyes. I am so thankful she was the first to say it. And that my partners, all three of them, were the ones to pin and dress me for my new rank.

Chief Hatcher finishes, “All those in attendance, please join me in welcoming our newest Ambulance Commander Sylvie Brett into service.”

* * *

The line of well-wishers is never ending. All my friends and colleagues, besides 51 and my old partners, say they will see me tomorrow night at Molly’s for the party. I hug every ‘Girl on Fire’ and they all make me promise we will celebrate at our next meeting. They also make sure to get selfies with me so they can explain their shirt. Which I have to admit still brings tears to my eyes.

Violet is the last girl to walk up, with Christie at her side, and I cross my arms in front of my chest, “Badass with a halo?”

She mimics me and crosses her arms over her chest, “Okay. So, first off you know its true. Second why didn’t we hear the full story at ‘Girls on Fire’?”

“It really wasn’t—”

“Violet if you don’t know by now, she’s humble to a fault. No one knew a lot about that first call. She failed to include her heroics in her report.” Matt says looking down at me with a furrowed brow that is meant to be intimidating but I see the love behind his eyes.

“You’re right uncle Matt. She is too humble. And brave and good. Really you have to be to get a meritorious promotion. Reminds me of someone else I know.” She says with a pointed look.

We both blush, “Vi—”

“Sylvie just because you know who my uncle is, I’m not going to stop pushing you two together. I may be a teenager, but I’m not blind. I see the feelings between you two. I no longer have to push for a blind date. I don’t even think I need to push for a relationship. I’m pushing for a marriage. Within the year.” My eyes widen and I gulp. I look over to Matt and our eyes meet in the same state of shock.

Neither of us know how to respond, so Christie takes over, “Sylvie it has been a pleasure to meet you and I’d like to invite you to our next family dinner in a couple of weeks. Violet says she has your number so I’ll let you know when if this idiot doesn’t man up by then.” She looks at Matt with raised eyebrows and before he responds she finishes, “And I agree with your friend…Foster, I think? He really is a boy dad, not that you can decide gender, but know I’ll be praying on it for your sake. He’s definitely going to need a partner with serious patience when he has a teenager. Glad to know you have some.” She winks at me and they leave. Both of us sputtering after them. 

“Are they always that direct?”

“Never. This is new.” He says astonished before he looks down at me. “But I think they know I’ve been taking too long to make a move.”

“And they’ve decided that means the whole time-table needs to be sped up to make up for it?” I grin and he nods. “While I think they’re still be a little quick, we can at least skip the getting to know you part…that is whenever you do finally ask me out…”

His eyes sparkle and I see him starting to, but then my family’s there. My dad doesn’t seem to care that we are in the middle of the firehouse. He picks me up and spins me around. “Sylvie Bean I am so proud of you! My little girl. A commander!” He sets me down and I see a little shine to his eyes, from tears and definitely the moonshine. “They didn’t tell us you were getting promoted too. It sounds like it was more than deserved baby girl.”

My mother then hugs me, though she stumbles a little, “I am so proud of the woman you’ve become. And your father and I are going to pretend that they overexaggerated that story. And that it was a water gun. Is that okay?”

I wince, “Yes mom. I think that’s probably a good idea. Hey you should go talk with Herman’s wife Cindy over there. You need to see if you can get her brownie recipe. In exchange for one of yours. Also maybe get some cake to soak up some of the alcohol,” I say trying to distract her, though I don’t think it works. Her and my father shuffle off.

Tom and Noreen laugh at their obvious intoxication as they leave the five of us. Zach lifts his arms up, “Aunt Wylvie?”

As I bend down to pick him up Tom reminds his son, “Zach…what is her new name?”

He gets excited and claps, “Commander Brett!”

I laugh and hug him tight. It makes me feel a little better, hearing that from Zach. For some reason it isn’t as scary. “That’s right bud, but I think I like being Aunt Wylvie better!”

“Okay. I call you Aunt Wylvie then. But which name is he?” Zach says pointing at Matt. The two of us lift our eyebrows.

“Zach you met him earlier today. That’s Captain Matt.”

“Mom said he’s also Uncle Matt soon.”

My spit hits the wrong tube, and so does Matt’s, both of us coughing hard. After I can breathe, I yell, “Noreen!”

“Tell me I’m wrong.” She says with a brow raised and hands on her hips. When I don’t answer, because I’m chocking, she continues, “I’ve been walking behind your unresolved tension all day. You didn’t have that with Harrison and you sure-as-shit didn’t have that with Kyle. The whole firehouse acknowledges it and so does his family. The betting pool started yesterday on an engagement. I’ve got a lot of money down, but Tom, Kelly and I discussed it at length first. We all feel confident in our choices.”

Tom is just laughing at his wife, “We know you have to get back to shift, but we’re taking you to lunch tomorrow.”

“Um…actually I have to meet with Chief Hatcher all day tomorrow to discuss what this all means…can we do dinner? Before Molly’s?”

“Fine sis. I’ll work on getting the parentals out of here and we’ll have them sobered up by then.”

“Thanks Tommy.” I say hugging my brother.

Still holding me tight he says, “I’m really proud of you Sylvie. We should have come seen you sooner. I’ve always known you were strong. Glad you have a house and department that know the same thing.”  
  


I hug him back. And am about to say something when my 51 family comes over. Mills then steps forward with something behind his back. “When we started discussing what to get you as a house present, we all knew you’d want nothing. When Boden called me, he also told me about the wreck. One of the first things I did when I got here was ask Mackey about something.” Peter then hands me a small wrapped package. The whole house seemed unaware of what it was except for the girls. Mills even wrapped it in Christmas paper. I didn’t need to open it, because I know exactly what it was. I threw my arms around him as he said, “Thought you might want a replacement.”

“You were right Peter Mills.” I say tears spilling down my face and know he understands how much it means to me.

I break away from his hug and find him swiping tears away. When I break away, I unwrap Sharky 2.0. Herman is the one to ask the question, “That dashboard hula shark? That’s what we got her?”

He explains to the house, “Well right before the Lullo incident, before we got taken, I had just given Sylvie her Christmas gift. She didn’t have time to open it. Later when she did it was this shark. It was just meant to be silly, and it’s silly really, but we got a lot of laughs out of that shark.”

“Peter Mills it isn’t silly!” I say turning to him after getting Sharky out of his packaging. “This was a reminder of what we survived, but it was more than that. Peter what Kidd said was right. I learned what strength was and what strength I had because of you. Sharkey’s been through every call since. It’s been a little reminder of you. It was like a piece of armor. It was always there with me in battle. It was a reminder that if we could survive a kidnapping, we could survive anything.”

He gave me another hug just as I heard my mother scream, “KIDNAPPING?” I turned around just as she hit the apparatus floor. _Crap_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this update! I will tell you that there are probably only going to be 2 more chapters. The next will be the party at Molly's from Matt's POV (a little of his thoughts during the ceremony, but not many) and the last will be an epilogue of sorts for one or three or five years from now. Haven't decided. 
> 
> And again, on the 13th, remember to #CommanderBrett


End file.
